Did I do the right thing?

Vollen595 · 2026-03-28T04:51:51+00:00

I told the ex we’re done talking as soon as the ink was dry on the divorce. I made I clear it was going to happen before it was finalized. Same with any details about my personal life. It didn’t stop her from asking, I shot it down instantly. Nothing of my life is her business. Once she called me to discuss a mundane topic. For a good 30 seconds I listened because I was trying to figure out where it was headed because I had already made it very clear I don’t want to hear from her about.. well anything. Finally I ask if she’s calling me to just to discuss this. She tells me no one around her has any depth to discuss it. I realized she was serious. Just wanted to chat. So I just hung up. Ten seconds later I get a REALLY?!?’ text. I never responded. 19 years together. Everything else was pure business and minimal. It’s been about 4-5 months and they have been wonderfully quiet. Small credit to her for eventually showing me a shred of respect.

mcrmd · 2026-03-27T21:31:00+00:00

I think you are doing just fine limiting things to a monitored texting app. It’s okay to cut off things that will trigger you to get mad or sad or whatever during this time-give yourself some grace.

I took too long blocking my ex and any of her friends/family from FB. For too many weeks I was a depressed nut, and since I work from home, often FB seems like my only interaction with outside people. With every other post coming from a relative of hers, or a mutual friend we met together during our 15 year marriage - I was getting constant reminders that would bring me down.

I thought I had to keep up this continuity with my married life for appearances. I thought for my kids’ sake I needed to save all the joint history. The truth is you don’t need any of that. Once I untagged myself from all the joint pictures, deleted pics with her from all my albums, and then unfriended and blocked her and her people - I started feeling like I was getting so much more of my life back.

Also, I don’t discuss any logistics whatsoever on the phone or in person. Only through text and email now. She was doing the same thing by asking for favors and leeway all the time with the kids’ schedules and then trying to guilt me when I couldn’t accommodate and I’d try to defend my position and it would turn into fights all over again. Same manipulative shit we had during our marriage when I dropped all my boundaries in favor of “keeping the peace”.

Now it’s a lot easier to gray rock and give “NO” as complete answer via text. You get more time to consider things, and you have a record of what has happened.

Now for the personal life part- in my opinion you don’t owe her any explanation or glimpse into the new life you are trying to put together (unless there were worries about alcohol or abuse I suppose….). It’s not up to her to have warm and fuzzy feelings about your new place-it will be up to the court.

Soggy_Sound_000 · 2026-03-27T19:40:57+00:00

No contact and make yourself unavailable. Only make yourself available for the kids needs. Talking parents is great I’m currently using it. It has a grey rock feature that is helpful. Figure out what you need to pay don’t give her money. Don’t communicate unless it’s about your children’s needs. Also be aware of her using you. Set boundaries the response maybe for her to make allegations against you for domestic abuse. Protect yourself.

Title	Did I do the right thing?
Author	Constant_Society8783
Upvotes	6
Comments	4
Date	March 27, 2026 7:02 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1s5dc71/did_i_do_the_right_thing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/did-i-do-the-right-thing.1576524 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576524

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