I’m a divorced Dad in my early 40s living abroad with shared custody. No extended family nearby. Stable career. On paper, everything looks fine.

Internally, I feel stuck.

I moved to this country years ago as part of a shared plan (along with my ex-wife). It was never meant to be permanent. The idea was always that eventually I’d return to my home country, and my kids would grow up strongly connected to that culture. Divorce changed the structure of everything, and now relocation isn’t simple.

My concern is long-term drift.

My ex- does not want to move back home anytime soon. If we stay here long-term, my kids will likely be fully rooted in this country: socially, culturally, an likely academically. Their lives will be in the US. And if I eventually move back, I could end up seeing them once or twice a year -- That possibility weighs on me heavily.

What complicates things further is that I’ve never mentally committed to being in the US long term. I still see this place as temporary. Because of that, I don’t fully invest socially. I struggle to build deeper friendships or relationships since part of me believes I’m “supposed” to leave eventually. I feel like I’m living in suspension, not fully building a life here, but not actually moving back either.

I’m in therapy and working on myself. I’m functioning. But many days I feel trapped by the long-term implications of decisions I can’t fully control. Are there other divorced expat Dads who’ve dealt with:

  • Shared custody abroad
  • Fear of cultural drift with their kids
  • Feeling split between two countries
  • Living in long-term “temporary” mode
  • Worry about becoming geographically distant later in life

How did you handle it?
Did the fear of losing closeness ease over time?
Did staying vs. leaving become clearer?

TL;DR: Divorced dad abroad with shared custody. Originally planned to return home someday, now feel stuck. Worried my kids will fully root here and I’ll become distant long-term. Living in “temporary mode” is making it hard to build a real life here. Looking for others who’ve navigated this.