~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 5 years post-divorce and I still feel psychologically trapped/stuck.Thanks for sharing. What made you say that after nine years you are over the hump? What’s the sign/click that you got showing that you are healed? Because I thought I was “healed” by year 4, and clearly I am not. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/26 02:53 AM |
| 1 | 5 years post-divorce and I still feel psychologically trapped/stuck.This is exactly how I feel. Not wanting the ex-wife back, but still feeling like anything after the original family unit feels odd and somehow incoherent psychologically. You described it better than I could. I think I was self-aware enough not to fall into the trap of re-marrying or having more kids after the divorce with women I dated. Looking back, for me, that probably would’ve been a mistake. But I also feel like I’ve been trying to rewrite the narrative for years now, and it likely is impo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/26 07:03 PM |
| 5 | 5 years post-divorce and I still feel psychologically trapped/stuck.I think you’re 100% right about the lifting part. That’s definitely something missing from my life right now. As for the dog, yeah, I’ve thought about it. My kids would love it, and agree, dogs are definitely a magnet socially too. But realistically, with my work schedule, I’d feel bad leaving a dog alone at home for so long. I just don’t think it would be fair to the animal, so I’ve hesitated pulling the trigger on it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/26 06:53 PM |
| 1 | 5 years post-divorce and I still feel psychologically trapped/stuck.I think you are right. Workout / exercise is the best pill & medicine. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/26 06:47 PM |
| 1 | 5 years post-divorce and I still feel psychologically trapped/stuck.I actually think part of my problem is trying to fix everything at once, then getting discouraged when I don’t see progress fast enough. Journaling helped me a lot during the first couple years post-divorce. I do it less now and mostly when I’m mentally hitting rock bottom. I had a good fitness stint during the first year, but work, kids, injury, and lack of motivation caught up. I agree with those saying lifting and competitive group sports are probably some of the best medicine for what’s goin… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/26 06:47 PM |
| 2 | 5 years post-divorce and I still feel psychologically trapped/stuck.I hear a lot of frustration in your post and I’m sorry you’re going through that. From my own experience dating doesn’t really fix the underlying grief or unresolved stuff it just exposes it. Even when I’ve been dating I still find myself comparing everything to my past family setup and nothing really measures up to that in my head. I do think you can find dates if you put yourself out there but the harder part is the mindset you bring into it especially if there’s a strong tendency to compare w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/26 04:30 PM |
| 1 | Divorced expat dad feeling trapped between countries and worried about long-term distance from my kidsI understand your point, and that’s exactly what worries me. Even with 50% custody, I know the window where they’re young and at home is limited. Ideally, I’d want that time to be in the place where I’ll eventually retire and live long term. If they stay here through high school and college, the reality is their lives will likely be rooted in the US. At that point, the idea of seeing them regularly, even weekly, becomes much less realistic. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/02/26 04:20 PM |
| 1 | Divorced expat dad feeling trapped between countries and worried about long-term distance from my kidsKids are young. Yes, we both travel back home during summer vacations, Xmas, and relatives from back home travel here often. So culturally they are very much exposed. As for my ex-'s reasons to stay: She says she’s happier here and that her career prospects and salary are significantly better than back home. From a financial and professional standpoint, I understand that argument — it’s something I wrestle with as well, and she knows that. There are also personal factors that make staying here m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/02/26 04:16 PM |
| 2 | 4 Years UpdateWow, I really relate to this. Losing a marriage and the identity that came with it is brutal, and the isolation that follows is something only someone who’s been there can really get. It’s inspiring to hear how you rebuilt yourself, becoming introspective, learning to feel secure alone, and choosing a partner because you want to, not because you need to. That’s exactly the mindset I’m working toward too. Thanks for sharing your journey, it’s a solid reminder that transformation is possible, even… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/25 01:59 AM |
| 1 | 4 Years UpdateI relate a lot to what you wrote, especially the part about it no longer dominating your thoughts but still popping up and hitting hard when it does. That’s been my experience too. It fades in intensity, not in a clean or linear way, and the anger can still surprise you. I also agree with the part about refusing to let her actions dictate how you live your life now. That mindset shift matters, even if it takes effort to practice it consistently. Through this process, I’ve learned a lot about how… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/25 01:54 AM |
| 1 | 4 Years UpdateYes, but not in the way people usually assume. It doesn’t show up as conflict, badmouthing, or spilling onto the kids. I’m very deliberate about keeping co-parenting functional and child-focused. Where it affects me is internally. There are still things that get under my skin, partly because I’m co-parenting with someone I no longer recognize. She explicitly told me she knew she was betraying me when she did it, and that kind of clarity leaves a residue. It takes real effort to stay neutral, tra… | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/25 01:41 AM |
| 1 | 4 Years UpdateRe: Dating - Man, I can hear your pain and I’m sorry for what you went and are still going through. I can confess that after DDay I was somewhat desperate, thinking in the same absolutes as you, using words like never, ever, no woman will ever, impossible. That was one of the first myths that got debunked for me. I ended up taking a deliberate, almost academic approach to dating. After many years with my ex-, I genuinely didn’t know how dating worked anymore. I made plenty of mistakes early on, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/25 01:32 AM |
| 5 | 4 Years UpdateSounds like both of you have serious internal work to do. I was blindsided by my own codependency and neediness- I only discovered these terrible and toxic traits post- divorce. None justify what she did, but I clearly lacked self awareness at many levels… that unfortunately only came to light as a result of the divorce. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/25 04:32 PM |
| 10 | 4 Years UpdateI still feel anger and bitterness at times. What she did wasn’t just infidelity. It violated something I considered sacred: loyalty, partnership, and yes, my sense of manhood. Call it ego if you want, but being betrayed and replaced leaves a mark that doesn’t just disappear. It shows up in new relationships. I’m more guarded than I used to be, even when things are good. I notice comparisons and threat responses I never used to have, and full emotional surrender takes longer, sometimes not arrivi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/12/25 01:48 AM |
| 1 | Struggling with Relationship Bandwidth After DivorceThis is top. Just need a sexy busy Woman that doesn’t need the emotional caretaking .. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/10/25 03:05 AM |
| 1 | Struggling with Relationship Bandwidth After DivorceAre you saying that in your fifties is when we should start dating again post-divorce ? It may well be, but until then do you partake in the “market place” and watch porn? Because let’s be honest here, you can live without sex, but you crave it after extended periods of abstinence. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/10/25 11:42 AM |
| 1 | Struggling with Relationship Bandwidth After DivorceThis is impressive, man. Stay strong 💪🏻 | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/25 10:17 PM |
| 2 | Struggling with Relationship Bandwidth After DivorceI hear you and this is exactly my feeling. That I really miss the sex, but other stuff not so much, and I do enjoy being by myself. The issue is that I don’t partake in the market place and thus find myself in these relationships where I eventually hit a wall. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/25 09:26 PM |
| 1 | Struggling with Relationship Bandwidth After DivorceYeah, this is the goal, not so easy to find no. All women say they are looking for LTRs/serious, you name it even if they don’t … | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/25 09:17 PM |
| 1 | Struggling with Relationship Bandwidth After DivorceYou have to be healthy to be there for the work, your kids and also for a relationship. Feeling like crap mentally and physically isn’t good to any of those parties. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/25 09:16 PM |
| 2 | Need some gentle perspective on post-divorce datingI hear you and the others, man. My issue is the time it’s going to take ‘to go out to market’ again so to speak. It takes months and a lot of investment in multiple initial dates … at least 3-4month of going through multiple dates that go no where … it’s draining financially and mentally obviously. (Yeah I don’t have much time available, and dating apps is the main “sales channel”) | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/09/25 12:44 AM |
| 1 | Has anyone else experienced this sudden 180 from breadcrumbing to intense sex + emotional whiplash?Lol | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/07/25 05:46 PM |
| 2 | Divorced Dads Coping After Infidelity– When She “moved on” Stronger, and You are still rebuildingMan I try not to compare, really that was my first move despite manny manny friend’s several comments that “I needed to keep up” so to speak. I don’t most of the time but it adds up when your kids say: “Dad why can’t I make play dates with my (school) friends when we are at your place ?” Before you ask- Logistically it’s just not ideal to have friends over after school- on the weekends we do already multiple playdates, but during the week when they are with me it’s really convoluted. I know from… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/25 04:30 PM |
| 7 | Divorced Dads Coping After Infidelity– When She “moved on” Stronger, and You are still rebuildingMan this is 99% copy paste of my life indeed. I moved to where we live exactly due to her job… lol. All my family & most friends live thousands of miles away. I am not living- I am keeping my life suspended/ in limbo. How do you manage to stay sane? I’ve done and continue doing it all, therapy, gym, dating, solo travel, play group sports, focused deep on career, forced myself into new uncomfortable situations, but making new friends or even having girlfriends hasn’t been that easy. Specifically … | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/25 12:55 PM |
| 1 | Being alone can be challenging, but also so so powerful…Thanks for sharing. What do you look for in dating now then? What women type and background ? | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/02/25 11:40 AM |
| 2 | Being alone can be challenging, but also so so powerful…That’s a challenging part, I have a strong group of friends but most of them are overseas, not nearby. Making new friends locally is not trivial either. So one better be okay being alone. Refocusing on the questions: what partner do you look for in dating? Also other divorced women at same age and probably also with kids or women without kids? And for each case what do you tell them if you had answer the question - “What are you looking for?” | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/02/25 11:39 AM |
| 2 | For recently divorced menThanks for sharing man and congratulations! Did you have kids with your first wife ? | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/25 04:48 AM |
| 1 | Weight loss & gain after Divorceyeah, this is exactly the thing. I guess you guys have something\* for food too. My problem too. *use food as coping/comforting tool. Good luck, man. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/25 01:50 PM |
| 1 | Weight loss & gain after Divorce100% with all of the above. My issue is, why did I fall back onto old bad habits after having secured a new gal? This happens to many guys … there’s something to be said about the psychology behind it- as in was I doing this just to get a gal and when I got it I gave up on me again, or what else? I did suffer a bit of a downturn financially (not too serious) that impacted my mental health further while I am still in recovery mode. At any rate congratulations and thank you for sharing! | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/25 02:22 PM |
| 2 | Weight loss & gain after DivorceLol, that’s impressive. I am only on the loosing fat & weight bus/side. I am curious if I’d ever get to that stage- I mean, female interest going through the roof. It’s nothing I ever experienced in my life. Congrats to you man, and good luck out there. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/25 09:08 PM |
| 1 | Anyone stranded overseas due to kids after Divorce ? (Foreign Expats focused)Maybe you have a different perspective and way to cope with this traumatic event. I'd be happy to hear more how you and your STBX are managing this whole divorce mess while at foreign country. That's ultimately the reason for the post, how to move on ... | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/24 05:21 PM |
| 1 | Anyone stranded overseas due to kids after Divorce ? (Foreign Expats focused)I am not disagreeing with you. I am just saying that having to suck it up... really sucks! ... having a coparent feeling trapped in the current country is not ideal for the kids either, difficult for myself to move on from all this mess. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/24 04:33 PM |
| 1 | Anyone stranded overseas due to kids after Divorce ? (Foreign Expats focused)Your are right, the disagreement has nothing to do w/ the divorce itself, but because of the divorce, it is way more difficult to move elsewhere - In formal terms neither co-parent can move out of state, let alone out of the country. In practical terms if either of us move, the other has to move to, otherwise one of the parent won't see their kids, that's simply unacceptable to either of us. I don't know about your case, whether your STBX moved to the current country because of you or vice versa… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/24 03:21 PM |
| 1 | Anyone stranded overseas due to kids after Divorce ? (Foreign Expats focused)America is a great country and also a fair place to raise kids, I am sure that wherever my kids are raised they will be fine. I am finding difficult to accept that I will have to stay in the US until my kids are adults & that I don't get to go to my home country until I retire essentially ... for the time being this is causing me a lot of stress, and the feeling of being trapped in the US. Although I have been here for 10+ years I have never ever envisioned my life being in the US or living as a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/24 02:50 PM |
| 1 | Anyone stranded overseas due to kids after Divorce ? (Foreign Expats focused)The best for the kids having both parents close by and a stable life. They also need to parents that are well mentally and physically - if I feel trapped in the US that’s not good in the medium term. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/24 01:27 PM |
| 1 | Anyone stranded overseas due to kids after Divorce ? (Foreign Expats focused)My kids are still young and my ex- until I am told or see otherwise has not moved (him) in with the affair partner. Irrespective of that the kids are still young enough to move overseas (I am from Europe). Later as you suggest it will be really tough for them to move back. Yes, here in the US both myself and my ex- can only rely on ourselves and nanny for kids care we are basically alone. Also the point is for my ex- also to move, so both parents see their kids. I doubt that anyone specially div… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/24 12:41 AM |
| 1 | Any Dads here in the NYC area?Thank you. I hear you. I have a good relationship with the coparent. The community build up is important for the kids for sure, but honestly I don’t know if I want to live in the same neighborhood / school district as the Ex- … The isolating part is definitely something I worry about - the burb life reminds me constantly of what a family should be (that is, complete with mom and dad). All the moms and Dads involved in the school and community stuff that is awesome for my kids, but the whole envi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/11/24 01:29 PM |
| 2 | Guys I am relapsing … [2-yr post-DDay Update]This is really impressive. Congratulations. Admire the discipline and consistency. Wish I was like that. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/08/24 10:14 PM |
| 2 | Guys I am relapsing … [2-yr post-DDay Update]I need to lose 20kg (44lbs). How long did it take you to lose 40kg? And more over how to maintain it? And how not to give into comfort/rewarding yourself with food? | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/08/24 09:36 PM |
| 1 | Giving in to scarcity mindset or do I really like her?Can I double click on this further? I am too starting to feel complacent, and am not proud of it. Since I a started dating this woman I essentially stopped hitting the gym so regularly and my other physical activity. I am disappointed with myself. What do you mean you had to relearn the lesson twice? Do you mean you had two girlfriends that were “meh” and you had second thoughts from the get go and eventually had to break with them? And what did you become complacent about? | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/24 10:18 AM |
| 1 | Giving in to scarcity mindset or do I really like her?Both your questions are answered in the post. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/24 12:45 AM |
| 1 | Giving in to scarcity mindset or do I really like her?Would really like you to elaborate on your experience so far. Maybe I am embracing the scarcity mindset yes, for sure, but … at this day and age I feel that everyone is broken one way or the other. As in divorce was never option for me, thus anything after that for me is a failure/loss, the less negative I can make it the better … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/24 11:42 PM |
| 1 | Giving in to scarcity mindset or do I really like her?Howcome a single mom is a no go man. Even if you are Chad-ThunderC#%* , and if you have kids… it’s really tough to find non-desperate (for a baby) girlfriend material girls … unless you lie and don’t tell them you have kids. Often the 35+ something girls will entertain a few dates but as soon as they understand you are interested in having kids in the next two-three years (when they hit the wall if not already) they are off to the races… I think we cannot outright exclude people… and accept peop… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/24 10:06 PM |
| 1 | Giving in to scarcity mindset or do I really like her?Sorry to hear that, or maybe not sorry if that is your option. Respect either way | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/24 08:40 PM |
| 1 | Giving in to scarcity mindset or do I really like her?Exactly my thoughts. The pros are high up there indeed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/24 08:38 PM |
| 2 | Giving in to scarcity mindset or do I really like her?Have you been lucky finding women that are okay with you having kids and have decent schedules that fit your life ? One needs to be pragmatic- divorced parental have a lot on their plates and carry lots of baggage. It’s really hard to find someone that checks many boxes. Lol the girls that I like seem all to have absurd standards and are super high maintenance… this one is down to earth, calm, brings peace despite some of cons listed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/24 06:44 PM |
| 2 | Giving in to scarcity mindset or do I really like her?Well some things are obvious and don’t need to be brought up, but others like the sex point I should definitely discuss and in fact she is pretty open about it. But thanks for your input | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/24 06:39 PM |
| 2 | She has HIVWhat are the best DNA tests around? Can you buy it from CVS? And does it need to be a doctor prescribed? | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/07/24 12:48 AM |
| 4 | What is one line or quote you can share to help fellow divorced men?don't drown, keep swimming | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/07/24 03:06 PM |
| 13 | If she cared would she have cheated?2yrs post- betrayal here. Like others said - She might have loved you during some time, but as soon as she realized there was someone that was a better option, she forgot completely about you and no longer respects you. It’s the cold & brutal hard truth. Beyond the cheating/actual sex with another person she had betrayed you way before. The sex part for women is part of the consummation of the new love story … this is tough to generalize but women don’t think of sex as men at least fundamentally… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/06/24 06:37 PM |
| 2 | Dilemas Post-Divorce (good problems to have)This is a good perspective. Thanks for sharing. I think the minimum down payment, the consequent & additional mortgage insurance payment plus debt service and property taxes (which are absurd if in a good school district) it will end up on a monthly payment that is rather high … but definitely agree that buying now and refi later makes sense. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/06/24 01:12 PM |
| 1 | Dilemas Post-Divorce (good problems to have)I hear you, man | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/24 05:30 PM |
| 2 | Dilemas Post-Divorce (good problems to have)Follow up comment - have you thought about house hacking? As in, buying multi family and using the other unit(s)’ income to help overall mortgage? | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/24 05:04 PM |
| 2 | Dilemas Post-Divorce (good problems to have)Thanks for sharing. This is good. One recommendation - I’d not wait for interest rates to come down if your plan is to buy eventually again in your kids school district. Once the interest rates go down more people will “afford” to buy but housing offer remains the same- prices will sky rocket… if you buy now and there’s the possibility to refinance when rates are lower I’d go for it. (If that is a dilema you are facing now) That being said as I understand your plan is to remain in the same schoo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/24 04:45 PM |
| 1 | Dating…Interesting- they had their kids when they were what 20-22? | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/24 06:59 PM |
| 1 | Dating…That’s women approaching 60s ? Seriously? | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/24 06:12 PM |
| 1 | Dating…Can you elaborate on the geographically dependent? | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/24 02:40 AM |
| 1 | Dating…I am in that position (also coparent at 50% of time), but most of the women that I match or meet on a first date. Most are on the “I want kids (immediately)” rather than just want kids at somepoint (if that helps blend the family I am definitely open to it, but not at the onset), the other pool is as you mentioned single moms … and the older I allow the age range to go the more matches, but not my preference. Even if a kind of unicorn, maybe I should let them know in my profile that “I am open t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 10:56 PM |
| 0 | Dating…Good point, but even that is tougher to find. I haven’t come across any. Normally women in my area are the so called modern, post pone kids until later and then clock starts ticking … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 08:57 PM |
| 1 | Dating…What’s funny to all of this is that I have an acquaintance in the dating market same age as me 40s but no kids, and he can’t find women that want kids…. It’s crazy how many he says he has met but don’t want kids. I have told him, let’s exchange contacts… I doubt that would work. He is basically matching and dating those women that are likely his age but past the idea of having kids and don’t want to deal with guys like myself with kids… Tough times lol 😅 | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 08:53 PM |
| 2 | Dating…Yeah. I think I am starting to accept too that I won’t date anyone that is not in similar situation … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 08:50 PM |
| 0 | Dating…100% agree with you man. Not sure if I am being delusional thinking that some younger women will want to put up with my kids while not wanting kids at all of wanting to have biological kids in the short term. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 04:10 PM |
| 2 | Dating…There are 40+ that don’t have kids but when you meet them they are desperate to … or the ones that don’t have kids and don’t want to deal with kids at all don’t even want to date me because I have kids myself. It’s a rather difficult situation equation to solve. And thus y it’s really rare to find women with that profile. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 04:08 PM |
| 1 | Dating…That’s an unfortunate reason. Feel sorry for her. I don’t want to look for women that have a disease or are incapable of having kids because those have no option, I am looking for those that don’t want kids or declare it at the onset of dating (that the biological clock is ticking and desperate to have kids). | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 03:54 PM |
| 1 | Dating…And what attracted her to you? If she is not a mom, how come she was comfortable dating a dad and postponing biological kids? | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 03:52 PM |
| 2 | Dating…Can you share the key success factors of finding your wife? And what attracted her to you? | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 02:01 PM |
| 2 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Thanks for sharing. Appreciate it. I am quite skeptical about those 20 or 30-40yo smoking hot parings and romance stories- sounds like you had a toxic relationship ex like that. Maybe it’s because I have to up my game fitness wise. Noted. That’s the part of my life I struggle the most and I attribute some lesser positive dating matches/experiences. I really want to believe that the “flood gates” will open as you put it, but am darn skeptical … it will happen to me. I am under 6’ so that a non st… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 05:45 PM |
| 2 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...“I’d have plenty of childless options” Can you elaborate please? I have had your mind set too and as posted earlier the childless women that I have had a date with (if any), they focused on career and now they want a kid asap, that’s not in my plans for the time being. I am a dad myself and honestly - I am not starting a relationship with someone that has that in mind from the get go because I am not sure I can fulfill that desire. Maybe I need to do more work on myself (I am 40M), but I haven’t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 02:52 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Are you a divorced dad? What types of women have you been dating? | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 10:31 AM |
| 0 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Not putting much effort. Just trying to figure out where this could go and how could it work if ever.. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/05/24 12:29 AM |
| 3 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Thanks for this. Four weeks ago you'd see/hear me thinking exactly in this manner - there's no way a single mom is an option for me, but then reality hits*... and I met this woman that, at date four, has not shown major reflags with the exception of having unwillingly 100% custody. *see other replies where I posted what kind of women I have been matching with, and being exposed to. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 10:14 PM |
| 2 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...hmm ... what if the ex- was not able to sustain a job, got depressed, started drinking and eventually left because not only he could not sustain himself let alone a family and kids.. not sure, man.. but he does not seem like guy in great mental fitness either... or was really unlucky with life and it all collapsed on him. Do you think I am biased towards her? maybe... but trust me, I've put myself in her ex- shoes and tested her, she was convincing enough to date .... she has not displayed major… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 10:01 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Right, but unless you are ChadThundercock, and even him, if he has kids that he co-parents, you won't be able to pull virgins or low notch count 20-35yr women* without kids that you can keep on a stable relationship. If you have that kind relationship, kuddos to you. That's just not the case for me. If you are the average guy it's tougher. I replied to another redditer below the type women I've been exposed to. Maybe it's me, alright I'll take, but I don't see many man/single dads here or elsewh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 09:35 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Man, that's detective stuff right there, you can't do this online? you really went physically to a courthouse to pull the info on the divorce of the girl you were dating? that's really serious..indeed. Thanks for sharing this experience. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 09:26 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Thanks for sharing this. Yes. definitely complex. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 09:24 PM |
| 2 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...may I ask why is your woman in a fight for 100% custody? unless the ex- is violent, drunk, jobless, homeless due to poor decisions, or someone that cannot support himself/let alone kids... I don't see a strong reason for her to be asking for full custody, actually that is revealing about her. The case at hand, it's the opposite, she has 100% custody unwillingly... | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 09:16 PM |
| 0 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Thanks for sharing, man. I think I am giving in to scarcity mindset. I will exhaust this until I can't anymore...and go from there. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 09:13 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...is there public information ? is that what you're saying ...? | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 09:10 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Understood. If one comes from a stable background, and in my case, amicable divorce, and healthy co-parenting (whatever that means, but in a positive way), it's tough to keep up w/ another side where there's significant drama, trauma, (potential) violence... The case at hand does not have these ingredients that I'd likely steer way too... but need to follow up on a few things. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 09:01 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Thanks for sharing. 1.She is not asking me or putting the onus on me to plan around her kids, she has been good about it, but I want to escalate things dating wise...and it obviously comes to my mind. 2.Yes I am 40M and yeah it's been tough to say the least, man. The women that don't have kids: 2.1.1. some get thrown off by the fact that I am a divorced dad, not even match, or when they realize on the first date because they haven't read my profile in full, they regret. And yeah no second date. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 08:40 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Thanks for sharing. I understand. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 08:29 PM |
| 2 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...I agree and understand. However I don't want o date late 40s really. I am 40yo, want to date close to my age, and below. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 08:26 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...I will, thanks for sharing man. I will go read your posts. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 08:23 PM |
| 2 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Thanks for this, man. Appreciate it. I thought about this, and if I am being a bit white knighted - maybe only in the sense that I get her situation, it's tough af to date in such conditions, otherwise it is clear that I want be helping/"saving" her in any other way. I agree, I am worried w/ this. that's y I posted this in the first place, trying to understand if it is workable at all. I've asked a bit about her ex- and why this situation obviously. Unless she is a psychopath liar she comes acro… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 08:22 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...I unfortunately tend to agree, man. This was the case for my divorce. As soon as my gut feeling said so.. it was definitely downhill from there, and rather abrupt... | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 08:12 PM |
| 2 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...As my kids come first, her kids should come first too.. that's not the point of discussion here. The point is knowing that, and all the above, can one make it workable..? | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 08:11 PM |
| 4 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Look at the “horrible” ex husband to see your future. Let me take a guess, she got him thrown in jail and borderline homeless. Of course she will say he was an abusive drunk. Hmm... damm this make me pause. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 08:10 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Thanks for sharing, but as I mentioned in the post above, she really didn't have much of a choice unfortunately. She wanted it otherwise...this is obviously a pain point for her, and she knows it's super hard to date anyone in this situation. I want to make it easy, as workable as possible ... | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 08:07 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Yeah I hear you. Thanks for sharing | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 07:37 PM |
| 1 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...Y do you say she likely doing the same? | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 06:57 PM |
| 2 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...one of mine was down to bad ex domestic abuse and he was a fucking pest that over time wore me out. Do you mind elaborating a bit? I wanted to understand this better. At the beginning of your relationship were she and the ex- amicable ? if the ex- was abusive, that's pretty much why they got divorced and likely why she has 100% custody. Wouldn't that make sense? the issue w/ the abusive ex- is him attempting to come over or causing baby drama like others have posted. Was the baby drama the reaso… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 06:29 PM |
| 2 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...I hear you, maybe we haven't gone through enough dates. and yeah, I keep dating other women just in case, but not sure about you, this post-divorce single dad life w/ a demanding job is not really prone to dating ... the investment (a lot of our time and money) that one has to do is considerable... not something I was really looking for at this time of my life...but I'll play the game sure. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 06:19 PM |
| 2 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...I've double checked, but yeah, I can continue to tread lightly and get additional intel. From what I have discovered so far, really she did not have much option in the matter. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 06:12 PM |
| 2 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...used? hmmm I don't think we've gone on enough dates to get to that conclusion, but appreciate your input. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 06:10 PM |
| 3 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...man, that's a no-no. Are you serious or was this ironic/a joke? (irony is tough to come through text) | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 06:09 PM |
| 2 | Dating a Divorced Single-Mom that has 100% custody of her Children...yes, legitimately. It's not her choice to have the kids 100% of the time. She would gladly have 50% custody. Without going into much detail, unfortunately this was not her choice. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/05/24 05:46 PM |
| 1 | Have you gotten to the point where you feel sorry for her or even worry about her?I haven’t seen or she has shown me any sign she is struggling at any level. I don’t think that will ever happen. She is way too proud and probably narcissistic to show me that she is struggling. But yeah with my original post I was hoping to directly or indirectly observe or understand that she is struggling and potentially even feel sorry for her. At this point and until she shows any sort of struggle or regret I am simply curious and still hate her. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/04/24 07:35 PM |
| 1 | The hardest part of all of this for me...I hear you and understand. Am there too. I guess this is something that many of us and also our SO inadvertently do after sometime together.. obviously that you want your partner in crime to be your best friend and confidant but unfortunately this backfires significantly as one learns often too late and after divorce. Using our SO as therapist or to confide absolutely everything is not healthy at all. Not only they start seeing you as weak but also emotionally burden your SO unnecessarily… typic… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/04/24 05:30 PM |
| 7 | How are you guys with the exes family.I simply cut off everyone that reminded me of her and what I had. I really liked many of the people in her family…and this was hard to do, but required. It is yet another thing that my ex- destroyed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/04/24 01:57 AM |
| 1 | Are there any other men in this situation ? Moved from overseas, got divorced after having kids and now stuck …Thanks for sharing! I guess our cases are definitely similar. And I guess we are similar in many things, for example I too appreciate living simply and saving money. However, kudos to you for not feeling betrayed and unaffected by her cheating… that’s impressive. Also it sounds that you are trying to get together with her/reconcile… Man, not sure if you are available for a quick talk, but would appreciate if we could connect to exchange thoughts. It sounds like you have some clarity in all of th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/04/24 11:35 AM |
| 3 | Are there any other men in this situation ? Moved from overseas, got divorced after having kids and now stuck …Exactly, I am in analysis paralysis state- I don’t know what my future will be, or what I want it to be. I have lost so much (yeah a lot unfortunately that goes beyond my marriage) that I am now extremely loss averse … I know that it is delusional to live life thinking that trauma, loss and failure won’t occur… however I am at a point I just want peace and mitigate any additional pain… for the sake of my children. Hope to see if there are other Dads (nearby) in this situation and how they made t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/04/24 10:32 PM |
| 2 | Got a Vasectomy TodayCongrats man, I haven’t had the courage to. I have an internal debate … if I were to clip mine I’d be condemned to only date single moms or women older than me. I am in my low forties and would prefer to date younger, whom many times are getting to an age when it’s now or never. I am however not really sure I’d want to have more kids really. At this age create another new family when already have kids... It would have been wonderful but not sure I’d be up for it. At the same time I don’t want to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/24 07:22 PM |
| 2 | The gym!I agree man, it’s discipline that I lack. How do you reward yourself though or how to stay disciplined when progress is not apparent? For some reason I have this mindset that I need a sort of reward every week. I am effing grinding all week and many times on weekends too, working rather long hours to make good money. At the same time, when I have my two little ones (50% of time) I do it all for them, on top I can put the workout yes for sure, but what’s the reward and by when? Or is simply do th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/24 07:07 PM |
| 2 | The gym!How do find the motivation? I’m in this night now for almost 2yrs, year 1 was okay, had a lot of momentum maybe fueled by hatred and most likely anti-depressives. I did not want to rely on those drugs for my recovery, but maybe i got off too soon. After the separation and divorce dust settled I not only gained weight back, but also got further depressed and lost motivation to go to gym. I need to lose about 40-50lbs and it’s been tough. Major struggles include using food as comfort/reward and la… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/24 05:14 PM |
| 2 | How did you guys get your self confidence back?Man you got a laugh out of me with your response. For some (probably misogynous) reason, I’d prefer to have been replaced by a woman really… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/24 05:16 PM |
| 7 | When did you know it was over?Same, but it was not a V it was a D or several. At this point I don’t know what was real and what was not. Question a lot of things… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/03/24 02:49 PM |
| 8 | Thought's about the reality of being Single againI struggle with this mindset myself and consider myself a failure as divorce was never an option for me - “dropped of the train to happiness”. Now what’s left is damaged … am stuck for over two years in this rabbit hole - can’t take/date any women seriously… due to this. It’s a vicious cycle that it’s tough to break … Am also stuck not doing anything alone - always have the feel that I’d like to share moments with my family, my kids or my “wife” or “girlfriend”… it’s so effed up … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/03/24 05:50 PM |
| 4 | How do you deal with cheating ex- (apparent) success ?Moving would help. However that would mean abandoning my kids, that's not an option for me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/24 07:11 PM |
| 5 | How do you deal with cheating ex- (apparent) success ?Thanks, man. Been trying to be indifferent but it's not easy at all. I am 20-months in and feel that I am regressing ... it's been an effing rollercoaster | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/24 05:53 PM |
| 2 | How do you deal with cheating ex- (apparent) success ?Not a coworker, our companies have a business relationship and many of my coworkers deal w/ my ex-... so yeah I am constantly "bombarded" indirectly about my ex- endeavors ... | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/24 05:44 PM |
| 1 | How do you deal with cheating ex- (apparent) success ?All blocked, but you can't be 100% no contact if you coparent on 50/50 basis | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/24 05:42 PM |
| 2 | Will she ever regret or have any remorse for what she did?Thanks for this. The first 12-18months I was in that still traumatic/shock status yet with impressive “good” momentum to make personal changes and yeah move on, had gave up on trying to understand her and it all, however the last months (month 18->20) I feel that I am regressing going int what you call deep depression cycle and these thoughts of why and reasons resurfaced. But I agree I am getting after it => in the gym rn 💪🏻 thank you all for your comments! | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/02/24 04:47 PM |
| 2 | Favorite Comedians on Divorce / RelationshipsGreat list. Adding to the above and not necessarily relationship/divorce-related, but definitely Go-Tos when in need of some humor Tom Segura Ricky Gervais Jimmy Carr Jim Gaffigan | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/02/24 01:52 PM |
| 1 | Will she ever regret or have any remorse for what she did?Thanks man, I think somewhat like this … and suspect that even if I told the AP’s wife…she wouldn’t care. I told my ex- at somepoint I would talk with her, my ex- response was :”she knows and does not care, it’s complicated..” and I tried to understand more but she did not divulge … not sure if she was lying or not, maybe … I don’t know. I just want her to suffer man…yeha part of this it has to do with me- i need to stop caring about her and move on. It just would help me in my recovery a bit to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/02/24 01:28 AM |
| 7 | Will she ever regret or have any remorse for what she did?I thought about it, but then thought that maybe if I tell AP’s wife she will divorce him … and hand him easily to my ex- and today my kids will be living 50% of the time with my ex- and the AP… which is for me the worst case scenario. If they maintain the status quo - that is the affair - at somepoint what will happen is that it will implode and the AP will try to go back to his family and my ex- be alone and continue to be a side piece slut. I care so much about seeing my ex- and AP suffer that… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/02/24 12:39 AM |
| 5 | Got cheated on, feel like a simp.I totally hear you and have had some of those perspectives* She remains a slut indeed. Unfortunately it is the slut that I have to coparent with, and that makes it tough to move on. Been 20-months on this nightmare and it hasn’t got much better. The one thing that I think is good and okay is that we don’t butthead about the kids and so far all is somewhat stable for them (whatever that is while being brought up in this situation ). I like to think that both myself and ex- are at least doing as m… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/24 07:38 PM |
| 1 | I'm exhaustedMan, I am almost 2yrs in since DDay, and am still effing struggling. Not excusing her shocking and traumatic actions, I am mostly unhappy with myself and how I let myself go so bad that not only she destroyed a 20yr relationship and my little kids will grow up in broken homes. That being said, her extra marriage endeavors started long before the divorce word was ever mentioned at home. What’s strange for me is that even after all this time of being separated and divorced she has not moved in or … | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/02/24 10:41 PM |
| 1 | Protecting Children Financial estateNot trying to do this by myself, just researching… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/11/22 10:46 PM |
| 2 | Protecting Children Financial estateJust trying to get some initial thoughts before escalating to attorney… (Their hourly rate is steep and if I am prepared maybe I can save down the line by doing my own research) | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/11/22 05:25 PM |
| 1 | IsolationThis is something that freaks me out a bit too and am so sorry that you are in that situation. I am not in that situation but almost, my emergency contact is my ex wife, and I am hers- it’s so so said. Both of us moved from really far away, no friends or family live nearby. I can still possibly rely on one or two friends in case of emergency- however they too are thinking of leaving this city, so ultimately I will be alone, and if something happens to me I am exactly in the same situation- i am … | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/09/22 09:29 PM |
| 3 | Pills?I am going through the same. Lexapro yes. Yet it’s been difficult to find the motivation to go to the gym. Work, antidepressant, therapy, support group, limited to-no contact with STBXW, my little ones when I have them, friends and talking with them, minor exercise and a few dates have helped me a bit, but am still hurting a lot. The loneliness is really destructive.. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/09/22 12:36 AM |
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