Struggling with Relationship Bandwidth After Divorce

engineered-chemistry · 2025-10-03T14:08:24+00:00

I have a lady friend that has full custody of her kid and works a ton. We see each other basically every other week overnight. Works surprising well as we are both so busy. Always looking forward to relieve the sexual tension 😂 she’s also sexy af.

hotantipasta · 2025-10-03T00:58:35+00:00

I didn't date unti my kids got older. It just wasn't feasable. It will get better but it will take time to adjutst to your new normal.

UnknownUsername113 · 2025-10-02T20:42:19+00:00

Yep. I don’t even bother. My kids are young and more important than my sex life. Between them and running a business I have no time for the nonsense that comes with dating.

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2025-10-02T19:38:16+00:00

How old are the kids? Is it possible to do some bands or weights or a treadmill at home?

I tried taking the kids on a hike but my youngest is 7 and can't really keep pace.

narkj · 2025-10-02T19:33:43+00:00

Yes. I hit the wall.

OldGuyNewTrix · 2025-10-02T18:39:37+00:00

I’m early in my divorce but already envisioning it. My kids are my focus, along with my mental health so I can be present for my children.

We’re 50/50, so i have a couple nights to myself with ever other weekend. I’m choosing this time to focus on me and being a better dad. My kids growing up to be better than I am is now my purpose. Anything I can do to limit them from pain now and in future, I’m doing.

Relationships I haven’t thought about much, but I have a little. Have a companion is nice. I got myself a kitten. That’s my companion right now.

Hopefully whatever happens, happens naturally in the future.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-10-02T14:51:30+00:00

TRT was the answer for me. Energy for days and insanely fast recovery. My gf is 17 years younger so no way I would be keeping up without TRT.

Healthy diet and plenty of exercise has also been key for me. No alcohol or any other drugs, they just slow me down.

Time has always been a challenge. I spend Fri night - Mon morning with my woman and this has worked well for the first 6 months. We are planning to cohabitate within a year. Over the weekends together I make sure to still hit the gym.

If you don't want to slow down you don't have to. TRT will have you running circles around 20 year olds.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-10-02T14:04:50+00:00

Dating is exhausting but even that pales in comparison to the grind of trying to keep a woman happy while competing with 100 DMs a day and 5000 likes for posting selfies.

No thanks.

Egatuab · 2025-10-02T13:48:47+00:00

It’s been a year and I haven’t dated yet for the same reasons. Too tired, still figuring life out as a single guy and a part time single dad. No energy for others ATM, as it all goes to me and my kid. One day though

Bagman220 · 2025-10-02T11:48:25+00:00

I have full custody of my kids. I can get out like once a week or once every two weeks if I’m lucky. That’s not good for a relationship.

But I have still managed to hook up with a few girls, just need to line up the dates and the expectations beforehand. Find a single mom that is also short on time and has similar needs.

DeedIndeed · 2025-10-02T11:45:00+00:00

I’m in a similar boat. Was on 4 dating apps because I missed women. Nothing worked, because I have primary custody of my kids and have been their caregiver for years. On top of that trying to manage work in any hours available, coaching basketball for the school, volunteering, as well as my own hobbies and health is actually impossible to manage a relationship of any sorts. I have to be reasonable with that notion.

I’ve gotten my health in order, exercising regularly again and have a clean bill of health (which wasn’t necessarily the case over a year ago in my marriage). I realize that when trying to date, something has to be replaced. I’m not willing to do that. Not in the slightest.

Porn is the goto at the moment because I don’t have a FWB, unfortunately. Intimacy isn’t an option because that circles back to your dilemma. Unless you’re able to find a woman that is similar to you and wants her freedoms / space like you do, I have to say it’ll be difficult to ask of somebody else to be that. So in this, you have to be highly selective when dating to begin with and be upfront and honest about everything you need. If you get into a relationship thinking that person will conform to all your other needs without that being solidified in the beginning, I just don’t think the result will be great for either party.

StandardButPoor500 · 2025-10-02T10:37:48+00:00

Your girlfriend sounds like some extra work you have to do, without being paid. And being already overloaded, you can't seem to manage.

Yeah, you probably don't need that. At this stage of your life. Or at any other.

Don't pick up dead weight.

How did you deal with missing sex and intimacy if you chose to stay single for a while?

Oh come on. Nobody has died from the absence of these things.

electromattic · 2025-10-02T10:31:47+00:00

Totally agree! I dated a couple of ladies over the summer and received the same feedback from each - they wanted more from me in terms of frequency of dates, availability etc. Between parenting, job, friends and hobbies I realized that dating was something I am just not willing, able or interested in prioritizing. Oh well - monk mode for this guy unless some sort of FWB situation finds me 🤷‍♂️

Ok-Elephant4746 · 2025-10-02T10:21:09+00:00

I am a single dad who’s exactly in your situation, and I also work a lot, in addition to keeping a decent fitness routine. However, I have never dated after my divorce, because I find most women very off-putting. I also realized that my motivation to “date” is rooted in a desire for sex, because my other needs are met elsewhere. Thankfully, I’m one of those people most happy by themselves. Therefore, I occasionally scratch that itch by partaking in the “marketplace”.

Fat-free_bacon · 2025-10-02T04:08:08+00:00

It's a struggle. You're not alone.

I always prioritize my kids then try to make time for the rest. Luckily my girlfriend understands. Some days I have no bandwidth, she gets it. Custody weeks I'm less present for her, she gets it. It really helps to find someone who understands what you're going through. It does limit the dating pool, but it helps tremendously.

I still eat healthy, it's part of setting a good example for my kids. I try to get creative with exercise instead of just hitting the gym. I run with my kid while he bikes on my on weeks, on my off custody weeks I spend time with my girlfriend, I exercise a little less but I try to exercise with her.

Would I have more time for relationships if I wasn't a father. Yes. Would I be more physically healthy if I wasn't dating? Yes. Is it fair? Not really.

Everything is a compromise and these are the cards I was dealt. My relationship and my health both suffer a little to ensure enough space for the other. For me the compromise is worth it, if I gave up my health or my relationship/intimacy, then it would negatively impact my parenting. But maybe that isn't you. If you prioritize health over relationships, that's fine, it's not wrong, it's just your choice.

Fluid_Actuator_7131 · 2025-10-02T04:04:01+00:00

fwbs, fwbs

Title	Struggling with Relationship Bandwidth After Divorce
Author	Smooth-Sheepherder86
Upvotes	20
Comments	37
Date	October 2, 2025 3:41 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nvtd6u/struggling_with_relationship_bandwidth_after/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/struggling-with-relationship-bandwidth-after.1563256 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563256

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