Don’t Know What to Do

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-12-12T04:04:08+00:00

Well done brother for taking accountability and doing something about it.
I know you want her back so bad but let me tell you that letting her go in peace is probably for the best right now.
You can sort out your issues and she might or not take you back in the future.
I promise you begging, pleading, sacrificing yourself won't do anything so focus on letting go gracefully.
It might be the hardest thing you ever have to do but you will have grown personally heaps from the experience of the hardship. Good luck my guy!

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-12-10T14:55:21+00:00

It's over, and has been for a long time. Grant her the divorce she wants so both of you can move on with your lives.

Once a woman turns that light switch off for a man there is no way for her to ever turn it back on. They are hardwired to detach from men they feel unsafe with. This goes for abusers as well as "nice" guys. There is no way to "win" her back.

You need to focus on a future without her in it. Keep going to therapy to guide you through this transition.

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2025-12-10T04:58:58+00:00

The first and most important step is forgiving yourself, seeing and forgiving your past selves. All these emotionally volatile parts of you have great value and need to be heard and acknowledged AND they should not be allowed drive you without supervision.

There is nothing you can say to your spouse to change her mind.

You have things to say to yourself, and new things to strive for every day. When you’re giving yourself enough love to have a solid foundation she may be there to build with you. Unfortunately it’s going to be a solo journey at this time.

Much love. Stay strong. Don’t drink. Talk to people. Feel and respect every emotion. Give yourself an extra few minutes, hours or days to consider your feelings and responses to contentious situations. Love yourself first. Self care isn’t some spa day occasion bullshit it’s all the time, a way of being.

fixanymarriage · 2025-12-10T04:58:43+00:00

Here's how to do it:

Never, ever, ever raise your voice at her again and never, never hit anything out of anger again. I don't mean don't yell. I mean don't even raise your tone. Decide to do that. It all comes down to a decision. You know exactly the type of situations that set you off. So before you ever get angry, you decide you will be calm and stoic. Always choose to be stoic and calm. This is non-negotionable.
Immediately, start working on improving yourself. Start exercising at home, start eating healthy, and get enough sleep. Take care of yourself. Use your phone addiction to your advantage. Pull up an exercise video and do it. Play a self-improvement video and listen to the audio while get stuff done around the house. After getting stuff done around the house, get stuff done in the garage. Listen to stuff that motivates you and results in you getting stuff done.
Get your act together. Be responsible, on time, get your stuff done, etc.
Want her like you did when you first started dating. Treat her well like you did when you dated. When she shares her feelings with you, don't get defensive, don't give excuses, don't explain, do NOT use logic. Simply listen and seek to understand her. Ask questions to understand her better. Don't try to solve anything yet. Simply listen. Turn all your attention to her and really listen. Remain stoic and cool even when she is accusing you, even when she is right, even when she is wrong. Just listen and understand.
When she's ready to listen, tell her you're sorry. Be genuine. Don't grovel. Take responsibility.

If you do the above, she will see the change and her nervous system will calm. She will eventually start to feel safe around you again.

But, here's the key. You have to continue doing the above. You can't be the type of person that's good for a week, then explodes "just one time" a week later. You have to be consistent. You have to be stoic and calm.

You got this!

Title	Don’t Know What to Do
Author	DarDarRules
Upvotes	4
Comments	6
Date	December 10, 2025 4:39 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pitjs9/dont_know_what_to_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dont-know-what-to-do.1568489 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568489

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