Seperated 3 months ago

I am currently staging my dream home on the beach for sale. I worked 5 years to get it built, showed up for my familywas emotionally available... But I wasn't enough.

I had my issues, and I'm sure my STBXW was unhappy for a while, I just didn't realise it.

I have had so many emotions, and this grief stages thing is bullshit. Its all the stages and emotions at any time. It's just that the intensity lessens a little and the triggers are fewer.

The prepping the home for sale and having to attend my kids school night with her next week... They've really set me back.

I am co.pletely ruined now, crying when out for my walks, struggling to be present with my son...

I'm tired of feeling, I just want a break from the emotions. I keep slipping into the trap of remembering everything good about her and us... I keep losing sight of what it was really like.

Not sure why I am actually posting this, I feel I just needed to talk... Therapy helps and friends/family are great... But you can't always lean on these things, and today's one of those days.

I am proud that I've stuck to my goals and I'm staying disciplined - getting fit, down 14kg and the top of an ab is showing! - walking 15k steps a day - only drinking with mates once every 2-3 weeks, and just a few gin and sodas - back to work and focused throughout my shifts - my sons doing well - looks like I'll get out of this in a good financial position

I have to be grateful, looking at everyone else's posts I realised it can be so much worse.

Thanks for listening boys, sometimes it's a cold, wet and dark place... Today's one of those days