Finally put myself back out there

AcrobaticStick2432 · 2023-03-05T11:25:35+00:00

Women are now starting to show interest in me, at 9 month mark after divorce, and, honestly, I'm terrified

Although I like the care and attention they're giving me, I'm by no means ready to turn it into something good

Divorce after being cheated really broke me on the inside 🤯

Gattsama · 2023-03-05T12:19:27+00:00

I would highly recommend reading or getting the audio books:

"Models" by Mark Manson.
"The rational male" by Rollo Tomassi

Here's the short version. You need to be physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit and financially fit. From there you need to know and set firm boundaries for what you want and will tolerate. You need to be honest, open and vulnerable.

That means just communicating what you want and who you are, as well as, making your boundaries clear when she steps over them.

Have an abundance mindset (which is the truth). She is not special or unique. She's not one in a million, she's one of a million. And if your boundaries are crossed without correction, be prepared to just walk away.

Being able to walk away us key. You don't threaten, give ultimatums or negotiate. You make it clear who you are and what you are about, then see if she's agreeable to that. Then eval if you are workable for her too.

Love is a series of choices more than a feeling. We are always capable of choosing to act loving. Think of it like professionalism at work. We can always choose to act professionally even when we don't feel like it. Love is the same. Always make the loving choice. But if she doesn't reciprocate, sets over boundaries, etc.. then just walk away.

Do not spend money on them until you have established a connection might be possible. If they bail on you for this, your response should be: good, they weren't what I wanted.

Also you need to meet them in person. While some fit women are on apps, it's not many. Apps are set up for female validation. Instead meet at activies that you enjoy (meet up works well for this).

Again would read Models. That is a great summary book of how to be vulnerable with strong boundaries. It's got some mild issues. The rational male will give you a better insight into female nature, and understanding of the dating market.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-03-05T07:04:49+00:00

1st thing. The literal majority of (single) women are garbage these days. The ones who are good women have long been married.

You’re are left with the Single moms divorces feminist female fuck boys all carrying their own BS drama.

Treat them as recreational use only. The ones who actually like you and you might have a chance at a wholesome woman will chase you not the other way.

Gravel-Road-99 · 2023-03-05T07:59:09+00:00

I’m not there myself yet, but my assumption is that it’s going to take some bad times before you manage to find someone compatible with you. I wouldn’t worry too much about a relationship not working out after a few weeks, my dude, you are still strangers at that point and barely getting to know each other. It didn’t work out, which is fine! But I’m sure you learned something from it, and continue to better yourself and move forward.

david10277 · 2023-03-05T15:31:45+00:00

Guys are still searching for the holy grail.. It does not exist ..no women holds all what you require. This belief that one person will be able to provide all that you need is hog wash. That's the kool aid that made you get married.

I Keep 4 types of women in my stable post divorce. I have found this has helped me keep variety , fun and options open.

These are the four :

1 who is young and fit for good sex - inexperienced at life - You can teach her things. But great sex and youthful energy to keep you feeling young. (Hang out and good sex)

1 who is older, cultured - life goals in common Here you can vibe and it just flows because she gets it..but keep this casual it feel like shes the one..she isn't ..your vibrations are just aligned and you enjoy her company but she will have emotional luggage. (Hang out - sexual tension but limited intimacy)

1 who is in your field of expertise- so you can learn something and keeps you motivated to keep going after your goals. (No sex)

1 who enjoys just talking and has great communication skills - shes a good listener and provides unbiased advice about all the other women you are dating (more like a FWB,she knows your broken from your divorce)

I rotate between them based on my needs. I dont subscribe to finding 1 female that will have all I need. Unicorns dont exist. Plus I would never go back to adjusting my lifestyle to accommodate a female needs. Those days are over. Live your life and only allow those who support your lifestyle to be part of it.

Title	Finally put myself back out there
Author	goodlowdee
Upvotes	2
Comments	8
Date	March 5, 2023 6:25 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11ippo2/finally_put_myself_back_out_there/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/finally-put-myself-back-out-there.1154419 https://theredarchive.com/post/1154419

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