I'll try and keep this short... could do with some opinions... as the request seems crazy.

  • Unhappily married for 14 years. (kept it going for the kids)
  • Separated 20 months ago.
  • Divorced 2 months ago.
  • 2 kids (11 and 13)

Ex-wife pushed for her old family solicitors to resolve finances, despite our only notable savings being in the family home.

I currently have the kids around 35% of the time. Despite pushing for 50/50. (Kids have requested it but her reaction scares us all).

Quick history: She intimidates me, broke me down over years. I've had councilling... working on speaking up for myself... slowly.

I'd continued to pay the mortgage, bills and give her money for the past 19 months. Reduced amount to her last month on my solicitor keen advice, as it's just not at all viable and she's made no efforts to increase her earnings. I should have reduced this amount from the get go, as I've burnt through what ever savings I had.... but I wanted to try and be supportive as life shifted.

There's roughly 150k equity in the house.

This past year I've earnt circa 50k. (Previous years, before life stresses/anxiety, economic climate, more like 85k). She runs a local charity, earns below minimum wage and refuses to change jobs, despite being well-skilled.

Through inheritance 16 years ago, she put 50k deposit on our first home.

A financial proposal was finally put forward by her (expensive & posh) solicitors.

They've requested I sign over the whole house to her. (A friend or family member of hers has offered to pay off the remaining mortgage for her, as she'd unlikely able to get a mortgage herself).

Plus they've requested I pay around £2500 per month to her. For the next 14 years.

...

Thoughts?

(*It feels seriously bloody scary... to have paid a mortgage for 16 years and have no capital from it at all. Plus to pay her support for 14 years. Till after the kids have potentially finished university. At an amount that right now feels like it would bankrupt me before the year is out.

As mentioned... I want the kids 50/50. Hell, I'd have them 100% and have nothing to do with her if possible.

I really don't want to go to court. Either for the money or the stress it would cause.

They've also said:

"Given the value of the former family home and equity of less that £160,000, this property would not be sold until both children have completed their tertiary education which, if both had a gap year before going on to university, would not be until mid-2036 (unless our client were to remarry or die in the meantime). We mention this because in the event that this proposal is not accepted the outcome would be a Mesher order, your client’s share being less than 50% and which would probably be subject to CGT upon realisation."

So my understanding of that, is that it's a warning that if I reject the proposed settlement, the likely court-imposed solution would give my ex wife greater ownership of the matrimonial home initially, with me having to wait years to get a reduced share, which would then be taxable when finally sold.

My own thoughts?
She scares me... but despite what the fall out might be from her. Selling the 4 bedroom family home, so she can buy something she can better afford to run. In a place where the kids could walk to school would surely make more sense. Even if I were to not get any money from the sale, just reducing on going payments would make a positive life in the future feel at least possible.

(*Finally, yes I'm hoping to speak to my solicitor today).. but right now.. having not slept all night... any input would be welcome.