I just recently found out my wife of 11 years cheated on me with a local jujitsu instructor (which means I can’t obviously go and beat him up (jk)). We’ve not been great for a while, and long story short she’s using my actions/behaviours as a way to justify what she did. When I try and have the difficult conversations required in this situations she twists everything I say and deflects back on me and when I call her out in this she immediately cuts the conversation off and decides we don’t need to talk about it anymore. How does one go about forcing someone to acknowledge their mistakes?

note: we’ve both decided we should divorce. I’m looking to try to heal and create a strong co-parent foundation for our 3 kids (ages 4/7/9).