Help with helping

mixturedd · 2023-10-11T05:40:07+00:00

Just be there to listen. Unless you have yourself been through a divorce there’s no real advice you can give. Be there for him. Listen to him. Sympathise with him and be a good friend. Check in with him regularly to see how his mental health is going. Make regular catch ups if you can. I found all of this really helpful as I am going through this at the moment. If you notice he is really struggling and acting out of character and maybe suffering spend time with him. You need to tell him he isn’t alone and that you will help him get through this. Don’t judge him. That’s the last thing he needs. Unconditional love.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-10-11T12:40:12+00:00

When I was at my worst point earlier this year I didn’t want to hear how it would get better. My advice is don’t say that to him, in fact don’t give any words of encouragement they won’t help. For me, I just wanted somebody to shut up and listen to me without interrupting or telling me it would be fine. It sucks. Tell him you know it sucks, and let him talk without the “it’ll get better” bullshit.

It will get better, he knows that already. Just listen.

One_Cartographer_465 · 2023-10-11T13:03:47+00:00

Show him this sub Reddit, if you haven't already. Sometimes just knowing you are not the only one going through this and how others survived is what they need.

Ok_Transition_4914 · 2023-10-12T00:32:53+00:00

Believe it or not, the single best thing anyone said to me during the process was when a friend who had been through it before said something like, "I've come to believe that none of us has a single right person in this life." He's been in his current marriage for decades, and still appears to be going strong.

No "you deserve better," "she's a bitch," or "I'm sorry for what you're going through." Just a frank statement that it's normal. It happens to half the couples out there. Basically a confirmation that I'm not unique or broken, just that it's my turn at bat. The problem is small. I'll come back from it.

So much of the sympathy remarks just reinforce anger and resentment and guilt. It makes you feel special and not in a good way. People are hating you, pitying you, just staring at your train wreck. I have enough of that. His statement gave me a moment out of the catastrophe and made it just normal painful shit that will happen to half the population out there.

Title	Help with helping
Author	Hello_man-
Upvotes	3
Comments	8
Date	October 11, 2023 4:06 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17556p2/help_with_helping/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/help-with-helping.1234730 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234730

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