Helpless

tuzimaster007 · 2019-01-26T21:47:41+00:00

Her reactions are pretty much textbook depression. Miscarriages are incredibly difficult to deal with. She needs to go see a therapist, psychiatrist, and a physician. This 100% isn't on you. Depression can be incredibly difficult to deal with and it can sabotage relationships entirely. Particularly if it's a sudden change from what came before. Nothing she has done so far in what you said says that the marriage is 100% over. Urge her to get counseling and therapy, but leave it at that.

Self care first and fore most. Exercise, eat well, sleep well. Go find a therapist and talk through what happened. You need to digest what happened and realize it wasn't about you. If she won't pursue marriage therapy, or therapy/treatment herself - there's nothing you'll be able to do about it. Take care of yourself first and foremost.

dex_lancel · 2019-01-26T18:52:43+00:00

I would suggest trying to work on yourself and exercising. The same exact thing happened to me a couple years back. My wife pretty much ghosted me out of the blue and it was very hard. I pretty much lost all confidence in myself. I had to just focus on myself and my dogs. The only thing that really worked was time passing and eventually dating (but obviously wait until you’re ready for that), it could be a while but it turned out be real confidence booster knowing that you’re still somewhat desirable.

Also YouTube Entrepreneurs and cars, his relationship videos helped me quite a bit in the early stages.

Bognin · 2019-01-27T01:03:18+00:00

I'll give you some wisdom on miscarriage. The baby had a developmental problem that prevented it from surviving the term. It's heartbreaking, but definitely for the best that babies that don't make it to term are allowed to pass peacefully without causing real life disruptions.

Perhaps the Mother was so broken hearted from the miscarriage that she lost her wits. If the baby had survived to term and was born with serious disability, that would have caused things going wrong in her mind to really escalate and mutate into something way worse.

Any way I look at it you dodged a million bullets my friend. It hurts right now but when good things start happening in your life. Having kids with the wrong woman is torture, even when they are healthy. With a disabled kid, it would be hell on Earth.

bowhunter6 · 2019-01-26T22:22:46+00:00

It wasn’t your kid.

spejsr · 2019-01-26T16:16:07+00:00

When I replied to your first post I kinda skipped mentioning therapy since considering the situation I assumed you're already doing it, but if you're not you definitely should.

"Around 84 days" :D

Trytosurvive · 2019-01-26T22:25:24+00:00

Your only 3 months in - you didn’t say how long you were married and how good the marriage was etc but expect to hurt for a few years and to start wanting to live again and do things... it’s been 2 years for me and some weekends I don’t feel like doing shit but not in the pool of depression I once was— unfortunately events in life or at a certain age a partner finds it easier to cut all ties with that event and start life again leaving behind people who still love them- don’t get stuck in your head if changing the past and what you should have done - it will not change anything and just destroys you emotionally

Title	Helpless
Author	Shep432
Upvotes	6
Comments	9
Date	January 26, 2019 4:03 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ak22ka/helpless/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/helpless.819813 https://theredarchive.com/post/819813

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