How do I even start?

nf9519 · 2025-02-27T04:02:49+00:00

OP - I don’t have any valuable info to add, but i wanna let you know that Everything is gonna be alright. I’m going through a very similar situation right now.
Most of us turn to reddit because in reality everyone thinks grown men don’t need any help, right? Amongst all of us, Here for you.

its-n0t-me-its-y0u · 2025-02-26T06:47:20+00:00

Weirdly you didn’t complain about her at all in your post. If she sucked you would have included that somewhere. Are you having an affair?

Are you sure this isn’t fixable?

If it isn’t I agree the consult is the first step.

Other things you can do:

reduce income for 1-2 years before pulling the trigger. This has double effect of her needing to get a real job to help make ends meet, so she has a record of how much she can make, otherwise she will be imputed at minimum wage….and this reduces alimony you might have to pay. Even better would be to “hire” someone you are close to who doesn’t do much but you send them a paycheck for every month and they just sit on it. U can figure out how to get that money back from them legally
if you don’t live near extended family, consider moving where they are “for the betterment of the family” get them into the new school district. While going through divorce and afterwards as a single parent having extended family nearby is very helpful
sounds like you don’t have much savings, but if you did you would want to dwindle those
not sure if you argue with your wife or if she’s verbally or physically abusive but you may want to get a video / audio record of that in case she goes for the DV angle later. Even if it’s a 2-party recording state you can use video to defend yourself, you just can’t use it offensively
lastly look into your state laws for alimony durations as they pertain to marriage length. If you have a marriage length milestone coming up, that’s a key deadline to keep in mind

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-02-25T15:44:08+00:00

My recommendation, pay the $200-300 consultation fee and that will get you one hour to figure out what exactly you will be on the hook for. Every state is different so this is a vital step to understanding your potential, financial future.

Child support will come down to custody and the fact that you cover insurance doesn't mean anything. If you pay for sports, tutoring, none of that matters.

Your lawyer will do a calculation based on your gross take home pay and hers. If she doesn't make anything and she gets 50/50 custody, you will absolutely pay.

But the good news, everything can be negotiated.

I highly recommend you don't blind side her. She'll be bitter and want to hurt you.

Suck up some marriage counseling sessions and use those as an opportunity to air your grievances. It will be a gentle let down for her and you can at least say you tried.

Just be prepared because once you do file or separate, bet your ass every female divorcee is gonna be her best friend and tell her to take everything from you.

mrbiggles64 · 2025-02-25T13:30:16+00:00

Marriage is hard. It’s especially hard when the kids are at that age. There is simply a lot going on in life and the stresses and burden of being the man of the house are a lot. I understand you’re miserable, but does a divorce really make things better for you? You will still have almost all of the financial obligations you have now with half of the assets. Just something to think about.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-02-25T02:39:36+00:00

How long have you felt this way? Why the urgency now? Don't rock the boat until you have a plan. You've stuck it out this far, gut it and stick it out longer until you're ready to act.

Step 1: Figure out what you'll be on the hook for in terms of alimony under the status quo. 8 years is a significant marriage length and you shouldn't delay too long. But you really need to research this. Google: [your state] temporary modifiable permanent alimony spousal support maintenance factors - then figure out how you can get her to start contributing with gainful employment. This is a real problem for you.

Step 2: Begin documenting your time with your kids and the tasks you perform for them. Do things without her with them if possible and religiously document them. You want to be able to demonstrate that you are the primary caregiver or at least co-equal caregiver.

Step 3: Squirrel away whatever you can in cash. You should have some kind of war chest before you go headlong into a divorce. Does she have money? Does her family have money? It matters. Do you have access to money? For a contested custody case - if you're expecting less than 25k, you're going to run out of money.

There are a lot of things to explore and paths to walk down - the key is don't move until you're ready. Don't give her a heads up unless it's part of your plan.

Title	How do I even start?
Author	Alert_Ad2744
Upvotes	3
Comments	8
Date	February 24, 2025 5:05 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ix713p/how_do_i_even_start/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-even-start.1544877 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544877

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