Let me introduce myself. I am currently married(27M) to a (28F). Both of us came from Military background and have been married for 3 years now. No kids just 3 dogs, and a house. How we met was a bit of a long story so ill make it short as possible.

Back in 2016, I was involved in a accident that took the life of my friend. I suffer heavily from PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety. During this time of 2 years of continuations back and forth from the courts I met her. At first I didn't want any relationship at all but it seems to that she really wanted it. At the same time, she knows about my whole situation. She stuck by me and i even asked her if she was really sure on sticking it out with me with me possibly being sent away for 10 years which was the maximum. She told me yes, and i asked her to marry me. We got court married the very next week. I believe a month after, i plead guilty because after 2 years and being stuck in your grandmothers house not allowed to leave, i wanted to finally get on with my life. The judge was actually on my side and scolded the prosecution for wanting more then my recommendation which was 6 months in jail or no jail just probation.(I never had any trouble with the LAW before this). I was sentenced in the end to 4 months jail time, probation, and restitution to the family. I got off early after 2 years.

Fast forward my wife stuck by me. Everything was going well. I had a partner who understood my situation and didn't care or think of me as a monster. After a year and a half, she had to go back on deployment for 8 months and she dreaded it and so did I. Both of us know how hard it can be on couples and I reassured her that I understood completely and would still be here when she got back. This was the COVID deployment that was on the news so i got to hear everything before the news got to it. It was rough to say the least and I could tell it changed it. She would get upset that I wouldn't email her when she's half way across the world even though her emails on the ship would be spotty at best so I made sure I at least sent a message over Facebook. It didn't matter cause it wasn't a "Email". It was obvious the ship life during that time was very hard on her and she was in some form taking it out on me. Eventually we assured each other it would be ok and she came home safe with no covid and thus began our time to go house hunting

After a short amount of time, we find the house that was perfect for her. I didn't really care because I just wanted a office space to myself and i would be content. We moved it, started adjusting to home owner life but it went downhill from there. We would get in fights more and more over stupid things. Sometimes it would be her fault when i asked her to be home at a decent time and not be around any of her male friends alone. This in turn made me the controlling, manipulative asshole. Sometimes it would also be my fault. I have a anger problem that stems from the accident as well has past relationships that put a damper on trust. It wasn't fair to her that I wasn't fully trusting but at the same time id like it to at least respect how I feel on certain things. I ended up punching a hole in our bathroom door(To be fair it was already broken and off the hinges because our dog locked himself in and my wife broke the door to get him out) from the anger and frustration because she keeps telling me that I don't love her as a wife but more like the qualities of having a wife.

This all came to a breaking point recently after she had been hanging around one of her male friend who was also married. They were hanging around for 2 days and something didn't sit well with me. I call her friend who was also married to the guy and ask if she knew that they been hanging around and she calls me back and tells me no and that she was cheated on by him. I immediately call my wife and tell her she needs to come home immediately because I was not ok with her being around someone like that. She came home and it actually wasn't that big of a fight. We were calm and civil and I told her that I wasn't ok with that but I knew she didn't like the fact I told her. Later that night i got another bad feeling in my gut. I check her phone was she was asleep and the same friend(F) who i had called and asked if she knew and got mad, now is apologizing to her and saying that "she needs to get out of the marriage before i put my hands on her" and my wife responds with "Ill figure something out". I wake her up and this turns into another huge fight.

We end up agreeing to a divorce. I immediately regret it and I think mid day i ask her to rethink it and she says she will. She goes to another female friend of hers and later that weekend it was the final episode of rick n morty and she said I can come over. When I do, I feel the same sense and feeling as when my accident first happened. I felt like I was hated there. Like a monster. Nobody said a word to me. It was a breaking point. I left without a word. I had a PTSD moment. I felt numb and all that was going through my mind was to kill myself. I get home and it felt like it wasn't me and i tried to hang myself with a dog leash. I come to and realize what I'm doing and I call a friend of mine. He ends up telling my wife and she comes down with her friends and they basically all say I need to go to a hospital. Fast forward i end up staying a week at a ward and my wife tells me she wants a separation because she's afraid of me and it crushes me. I beg her to try and work this out and I can tell she's dead set on it. I come back home, I'm taking pills and therapy, I'm trying to show her I want to fix this marriage but just last night I lost my cool again.

Last weekend she goes to CT to visit family and the whole time is calling me saying she misses me, loves me all that. Comes home Monday tells me the same thing but the very next day is telling me she's unhappy because I kid you not, over me not putting up a dog cage because our dog is pooping all over the house even though I ASKED HER FIRST since I was at work. I end up going upstairs to my office and scream at the top of my lungs and end up putting a few holes in my foldable Walmart table used for DND. She says she feels no longer safe and wanted me out the house and I told her I cant do that because ill be homeless regardless if I'm getting a check. I know I was at fault for loosing my cool and I know I would never put my hands on her ever. I just don't know what to do anymore

Gentleman i need help