My ex and I are divorced but still living together until she moves herself and our kids to the east coast. She works from home and our kids are homeschooled until they go back to public school because my ex doesn’t want to deal with homeschooling alone.

Every day I come home on my lunch break and my kids aren’t dressed, they’ve left clothes, trash, dishes, and food everywhere, and are playing on their computers. They throw a fit and give me attitude when I tell them they have to stop, get dressed, and clean up.

This isn’t anything new. In fact, it’s been a point of contention throughout my entire relationship with my ex. She’s very much a “let them do what they want” parent, and I’m very much a “do what you want as long as you clean up after yourself and take care of your responsibilities”. She’s always said I’m too hard on them but I just want them to take care of themselves and not be featured on a show about overweight hoarders.

I’m so stressed out and worried about how they’ll grow up without me in the picture. My ex doesn’t get it at all and refuses to discipline them. I have no legal rights to them since she refused to sign adoption papers, so she gets to take them away and turn them into nasty little monsters, just like her mom did with her and her siblings. The only reason her brother somewhat turned out okay is the Marine Corps.

I gave everything I had to being a parent to kids who aren’t even mine and it feels like such a waste. Part of me wants to never have kids myself, and another part of me wants to have kids and raise them to be so much better than hers. I know it’s petty, but goddamn I just want to do some good in the world.

Thanks for listening to me rant.