Is this realistic?

12math2 · 2025-05-18T04:25:42+00:00

It is very unlikely she would get alimony for a 3-year marriage, even in California, especially when she works. Child support calc according to the number you gave is less the 1k monthly, so idk wtf she's smoking. The best advice is to go get a lawyer and file first. Do not be an idiot and go without go into debt if you have to man, because if she is being this unrealistic already, there is a good chance she going to claim abuse and try to get you out of the house.

FUMoney · 2025-05-16T11:58:17+00:00

Do not do this. Under *any* circumstances.

First, as to alimony. At a three year marriage, she is unlikely to get any alimony, and most certainly not three years at $3k per month. A three year marriage is short; the outcome is likely zero.

Far more dangerous is this stupid "child support" plan. California is one of those states where child support must go through "the system," meaning California's State Disbursement Unit, or SDU.

It is critical you understand the following: if you fail to make child support payments through the SDU, a state court could very easily conclude your support payments were not "child support" payments, but instead were "cash gifts to the mother." The court will conclude these were not child support payments because you failed to make payments to the California SDU, the agency charged with disbursing the monies. And, when the court rules your cash payments were not in fact child support payments -- the California court will order you to pay it all again, hitting you with an enormous deficit. Watch the video here.

I say again, both federal and state law require child support to be paid through the official agency. They will maintain a record of all support payments. And California and the federal government want it paid this way, as this helps the state and feds balance out and reconcile additional payments via government programs.

So, here is the bottom line. If your ex is threatening child support, you literally have no choice but to go to court and get it addressed. If you fail to do so, or if you try to skirt California's SDU with some out-of-court bullshit deal, brother, you are going to get royally fucked. Royally. Fucked.

What will happen is the mother will call the child support agency. She will be assigned a CA state representative, for free. That representative will argue your purported "child support" payments should be deemed cash "gifts" to the mother. The representative will file a legal motion to void any cash payments as official "child support" payments. The state representative will then submit a spreadsheet, showing how many "child support" payments you "missed," total them, and demand an enormous lump sum payment for these purported "cash gift" amounts, as well as monthly payments going forward until the child turns 18.

Why would they do this? Money. These state agencies love getting money out of stupid fathers. The bigger the award, the more it justifies their existence. And they love nothing more than getting one of these big arrearage awards when stupid men pay outside the official channels. They get credit for all the backpayments, credit for all the future payments -- and you get left holding one of the shittiest bags of fecal matter on the planet.

As sure as you are reading this, you can also be sure this will happen. Now, a general comment about men -- not you, men in general. They fuck this up all the time. They fuck it up because this requires reading. It requires planning. It requires legal papers. It's court and judges and dealing with a hostile mother, and her state-appointed representative. Men don't want to deal with it. So men fuck around with this stupid bullshit of extra-judicial or out-of-court "child support" payments in the very mistaken belief this will absolve them of "the process."

But one year, two years, three years down the line, it comes right back on them when the mother, on her own, calls the child support office and files an enforcement action. There are cases where men have paid cash payments for years -- only to have all those payments wiped out via judicial order, and tens of thousands of "backpayments" be paid. It's a royal "fuck you" and it happens every day throughout western democracies, and is not limited to the United States.

Stop whatever you are thinking. Get it out of your fucking head you can avoid court, California's SDU, or "the system." Get smart, get technical, get legal, start reading and strategizing. You've got to confront this head-on, and you absolutely must engage with the system you hate. Just do it. Reject any notion of an out-of-court side deal with your ex. It will fail. And you will fail. You have been warned.

Reflog1791 · 2025-05-16T03:39:58+00:00

Tell us the state, how long you’ve been married, how much you make, and how much she makes.

Then we could give you a ballpark of what is reasonable.

If someone demanded $3k a month from me I would laugh in their face. But I did my homework.

bluephotoshop · 2025-05-16T03:03:25+00:00

Stop talking with her. Get her to talk to your lawyer instead. You run the risk of getting shafted. And use “since” instead of “sense.”

Title	Is this realistic?
Author	Subject-9420
Upvotes	2
Comments	10
Date	May 16, 2025 2:12 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1knprjd/is_this_realistic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-this-realistic.1552243 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552243

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