Ever since I started this I have had no idea what was going to happen next. Yes, lawyer tells me what to file and when to be where, but didn't see the bank accounts getting emptied, leaving me with just my one credit card. Didn't see the restraining order from hell where STBX and her family AND one of my friends found every way they could to call me a piece of shit and accusing me of running away with our kid. Didn't see my STBX driving 5 hours to end up on my doorstep with her mom to take the kid after the RO didn't rule in her favor, and me jumping in the car and driving off to get away from her. It still doesn't stop. We have a GAL and my STBX is still convinced that I'm controlling (because I was the one who was left to run the house while she was at work). The preliminary meeting with the GAL sounded like she was going to recommend 50-50 custody, but since then she met with my kid again and we haven't heard anything, except crazy ex going off about how I emotionally abused our kid in all her filings. Maybe she's coaching our kid to tell the GAL all the bad shit about me, how would I know? All this time I've tried to play by the rules--never talked about the divorce with the kid, tried to answer her questions, but now it seems like my daughter already resents me. This, and my work hours got cut in half, have only a few months savings, STBX changed the locks on the house so I have been scrambling from one week to the next to find places to stay that I can't afford. Tomorrow I have to be in court for temporary orders hearing and I just don't have any idea what the fuck is going to happen. Will I be able to see my kid? Will she even want to if I am renting month-to-month and she never knows where dad is going to end up next? Will I be able to get a stable place rented when the market here is fucking insane? How am I going to pay for it--quit a job I've been working for years and kind of enjoy, or try and find something else? If I had just stayed maybe my STBX would have eventually filed for divorce, maybe she would have called the police and said she was scared I was going to hurt her, or maybe I could have put my head down for just a few more years and at least known I'd see my daughter every day and I would have a bed or a couch to sleep on. Yeah, it will get better, but I have no idea what the cost will be. My kid? My job? My savings? In 3 months I've had maybe a few weeks where I slept normally and only a few days where I didn't break the fuck down or feel like barfing. If it weren't for the kid that I've tried to be a decent father to, I could've walked away without a regret, taken whatever I could have gotten from my savings, and been done. Even after this hearing, will my daughter just alienate me because of what STBX and her family have been telling her? Will I be able to live within an hour's drive of her school so I can actually see her? This has just been a void of fear and sadness and shit and uncertainty. I don't believe for a minute that "it'll get better" will ever happen, or if it does, it's not going to be after this hearing, mediation, court, STBX's next filing, or maybe not until reconnecting with my daughter when? After she graduates? Goes to college? Gets married and has a kid? All this getting better is sometime in the future and I'm too fucking old for this.