Married 11/2021 in CA but lived in OH No kids Signed pre-nup 2 weeks before wedding, signed away any rights to the home her father purchased for us (I guess her) in 2017 (13 year relationship) Kicked out of home 12/22 2/23 received dissolution papers from her counsel. 3/23 retained my own counsel. 5/23 signed lease to an apt in a nearby city, attorney recommended 7/23 fucking miserable

I guess I don’t even have a question. I’ve lost like 50 lbs (not in a particularly good way). I don’t want to see or talk to anyone. She’s taken to hanging at all my fav spots and telling everyone I know how terrible I am (pretty sure I’m not). I’m 40 if that matters. Up until I was booted, I couldn’t even truly define words like narcissist or gaslighter, but boy was I called them. I do understand now, as well as projection. Did the marriage counseling thing for a few months right off the bat. That lasted until the day I worked up the courage to call out her physical, mental, emotional abuse. I thought it was so wacky and singular that she immediately wrote an email to the therapist essentially firing her and told me she was bad at her job, but reading posts on here it seems par for the course. I feel like once my status, friends, popularity, taste, influence were all shared, she didn’t want/need anything else from me. The same person that had sat there beaming at me while I kept a room/table of people engrossed was now looking at me like I am a moron every time I open my mouth. I was suddenly “rude” to her family (and my own), jealous of fathers wealth, at one point she said I didn’t deserve to be happy or popular, and that she believed it was her job to “knock me down a peg”. Everything I said or did was “suspect” and I can’t lie, it fucked me up. Got to the point where I just didn’t want to spend all my energy arguing with my partner, and that’s when the disrespect crept in. Covid, Zoloft, dead bedroom, disrespect, and all of the sudden this extrovert was the dude in his underwear on the couch playing video games and smoking dabs all day. I truly didn’t believe I deserved to come up out of my funk. I spent years and years busting my ass to get to the point where I could feasibly support someone else, I wanted a family as well. She had/has no problem letting her father support her, but refused to let me (I assume because then respect would be on the table) once she said the serving me a plate of food, in her eyes, was the most oppressive thing she could think of. There was an abortion in 2018 against my wishes. The family thing was talked about often after that, but never when things were going well, only when I was down (I understand validation now). I recognize these are all wildly bright red flags, but at the time I just refused to believe I couldn’t make this work. I still don’t understand why she wanted to go through with the wedding. She later told me she had been checked out long before it. Through lots of therapy, I’ve realized that this was an impossible task that I could never have made work, I know I’ll be better at the end, but fuck me if I’m not the most miserable SOB on two legs. I’ve blocked, I’ve gone NC, I’ve realized that I’d been grey rock for longer than I knew what it means. I’m working out, I’m reading the books, I’m not drinking, I’m trying to avoid drugs. She’s out every night with my (I thought) friends and taking monthly cross country trips with her girls, looking happier than I’ve ever seen her. Im hemorrhaging money from all angles. Moving expenses, deposits, had to leave one job and a lucrative side gig. She’s a 38 year old stay at home daughter that subs a few days a week during the school year. Nothing about her day to day life has changed, and people can’t even recognize me because I’m such a wreck and nothing like myself. I can’t imagine ever trusting anyone again. “I can’t just force myself to want to have sex with you, oh and before I forget here’s a list of things I need you to paint, stain, build, fix, mow, and check on”.

Re reading this is tough, I know I look like a chump. I was/am a chump. I wasn’t a chump, then fell in love with being in love, then got tired of fighting all the time and started compromising (don’t do this), respect flew out the window, and here stands (no furniture) the biggest chump on earth. I know it gets better (I don’t see that at all, but I know it’s a fact), I know that I’m responsible for my own happiness, hell I even know that all of this is just as much my fault (in different ways) as hers. Just tell me something solid, give me something to hang onto. I’m not petty, I’m not looking for revenge, but she can’t just get away with doing this to someone right?!? Just hop over to the next unfortunate dude that she’s going to beat up on literally and figuratively, until he gets tossed aside, and just keep repeating the process as long as dad keeps paying for Botox and lip filler. My (likely) shitty attorney won’t even talk to me because I’m having trouble re-upping the retainer every month, and the only progress made was getting some of my stuff by using pay stubs to prove I was losing income by her holding my possessions hostage, and even that was my idea! Just looking for a tiny win Reddit, help your pal out.