New comer advice?

threeLetterMeyhem · 2026-08-15T13:38:38+00:00

I mean we're not gonna be going through court or anything

There's a kid involved. You absolutely need to go through as much court stuff as possible to clearly define the custody agreement.

Tricky-Weekend-4873 · 2026-08-15T06:38:59+00:00

Tread lightly my friend. Mine was the same but it was just an act. I hope not for you though. Lawyer up.

duuuuudesweeeeet · 2026-08-15T03:39:38+00:00

Sounds like the divorce is what you should be doing. No matter how easy it seems, run everything by your attorney, and take notes about everything that happens

probebeta · 2026-08-14T23:10:58+00:00

I think you should plan for the worst and hope for the best, and this is especially true if you think it's your fault. Most people think that some things will never happen to them until they do. At this point in time I wouldn't worry about how you should feel, but how you wrap up the D where you get what you want when it's finalized. You'll be fine.

BunkaandBadassery · 2026-08-14T21:38:48+00:00

Same exact situation here. I've been working with a therapist for about two years. At first to try and save marriage then 8 or 9 months ago to prepare for divorce. I moved out 2 months ago.

My ex (still getting used to saying that) and I are friendly. We worked out all the financial stuff and custody stuff in advance and put it in writing, signed.

But there are two big differences and I think you would be well advised to consult a divorce lawyer:

I have a law degree, so I was able to go through all the filing details without too much work. My county does have free advisors from the court if you can't afford a lawyer, yours might also.
Our daughter is 15, not a 1 year old. Family Court basically views her as an adult. Having a baby just leaves a lot more possible complications down the line.

As far as being depressed - my situation is different because we were together 20 years. Got married, had a kid, built a successful company together, bought a house. Right now I have no family, no friends and no job. So I was really disoriented and still have to keep busy to keep the loneliness and depression at bay. Not to say five years isn't a long time, but you are probably also way younger than me so you'll probably bounce back quicker.

TimelyResearch1702 · 2026-08-14T21:11:12+00:00

Sorry this is happening to you. And sorry about the brutal comment - but I've been lurking here for years now, read tens of thousands of posts saw many patterns.

So many men thought "she will not take all my stuff". "She will not file false domestic violence complaint". "She will not demand alimony I can't afford". "She will not try to isolate me from my children". And then got caught offguard.

I really hope she won't. But you have to be ready, because as soon as she'll see a lawyer, the lawyer will convince her that she deserves more and he will fight for her rights. And before you know, your life will be ruined and you'll think "i wish i prepared for this".

You have to see a lawyer - discreetly, don't tell her. Discuss all the details, risks, pitfalls. Educate yourself. Understand best and worst scenarios. Learn what happens in your jurisdiction in similar cases.

Better safe than sorry! Best luck.

FitCombination3545 · 2026-08-14T21:01:15+00:00

No, you're not supposed to be or feel anything. Everyone is different. Maybe you just aren't that attached to her and the relationship?

Or, maybe, it hasn't really settled in yet? There are a lot of downstream impacts that aren't apparent the first month or two.

Title	New comer advice?
Author	Ok_Patience6213
Upvotes	3
Comments	7
Date	August 14, 2026 8:53 PM UTC (2 days ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1voj82w/new_comer_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/new-comer-advice.1632831 https://theredarchive.com/post/1632831

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