Schooling issue

Over_Recognition2707 · 2024-10-24T17:10:00+00:00

I was a homeschool mom my entire kids education. They loved it, I loved it. My ex was on board as long as he didn’t have to contribute in anyway. Financially or otherwise. He demonized public school to them for years. Told people how awful public school was, then wanted to throw them into public school when we spoke about divorce. I knew that it was not a good choice for them. They were already dealing with a broken family, he was trying to take the house, then to try and start going to public school, I was protecting my kids the only place I could at the moment. I searched for a small private schools with less kids, more hands on, and I felt the was a good middle ground. Naturally he didn’t care because he seen $$, he was completely against it, which he could have afforded it no problem, but it took away from his personal addictions. We are talking 12k for all 3 kids for the year and he makes 100k with only debts that equate to less than half of income.

Now ive found out there are actually a lot of private school scholarships out there, most open up in March. Mostly Christian schools, but there are ways to make it happen.

From my point of view, doing what’s best for the kids isn’t throwing them into public school if they aren’t ready. That’s a really hard transition unless they are much older and ready for that change. I had one breaking out in stress hives, one was having GI issues, and the other one just cried a lot.I know some kids go to high school for socializing and sports and do well. My kids are still elementary aged and were terrified to go. 12,10,8. They were scared to start this private school. But I hyped it up. It was odd to me that he didn’t even ask them how they felt about it. He doesn’t ask if they enjoy this school and are excited for it. He still threatens me with fighting for them to go to public school though I don’t ask him to pay for it, I can’t wrap my head around it.

I’m lucky enough to be able to volunteer at the school when I can, go on their field trips and they have open parents day on wends to visit with the kids in the morning to look at the things they’ve accomplished. So it’s made the transition so much easier and they are doing so well.

Your kids might like the idea of going. You can talk to the kids, try to find a happy medium. If you really do care about how the kids feel and what’s best for them I think that’s the route you go. It has to be a joint resolution with the kids best interest in mind. They didn’t ask for a divorce or their lives to be thrown upside down. People say they bounce back but statistics don’t really show that. As long as you can keep them excited about the new adventures and trying new things without doing something that could ultimately harm them permanently. Sometimes I think my ex forgot that the kids were actually living beings that were experiencing life in a completely different way for so long and kids have no control over anything, that feeling of despair I what leads to broken adults. Anyway I hope that helps! Even though I’m not a man. I do care about kids!

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-10-24T14:37:10+00:00

IMO things like homeschooling, Working nights and weekends, non-traditional work schedules, and being a SAHP are luxuries of marriage. They really only work if there are both parents there working as a team.

You're not a team anymore, outside of both trying to parent on your 50%.

If you can get them into a traditional school (public or private if you want to pay). Homeschooling is gonna change the amount of time they have with both of you (heavily on her) and also keeps her out of the workforce.

You're going to be in two homes now and both parents need to pay for said households OTHER WISE.... YOU will be paying for running two homes. You both are gonna pay property/municipal taxes for public schools. You might as well use them.

You said you're afraid to fight back. Its only a fight if you're treating it like this (she can if she wants you just need to be calm and collected). "Hey so we're going to be divorced, and home-schooling really only works if we're married so its time to get the kids into traditional schools".

DO NOT Play the "you need a job" card as of yet because she will ONLY think you're trying to get them into school just to get her to work. She can/will figure that out on her own later.

If I pull the trigger this could change things for the worst because she BELIEVES in homeschooling and is very passionate about it.

Its good you already know this and can prepare. You NEED a lawyer, one that specializes in family law and if you can find someone who has dealt with one parent wanting Home school vs traditional education, you might want to go with them - i.e. ask them "My spouse is currently home schooling and I believe, if we're divorcing, they should be in traditional school, do you have experience with something like this in the past, and how did it end?"

EDit: also worth asking around how judges typically rule on home schooling. If you find they are inclined to tell the parents public education and both parents working, her lawyer would know that as well and could advise her its not worth the fight were it to be left to the courts to decide.

Slowloris81 · 2024-10-24T13:38:51+00:00

Do it. You presumably will have joint legal custody, which means you should be jointly making important decisions. Schooling is one of them. If you want to have the fight, have it now before it’s too late. It sounds like homeschooling is not in the kids’ best interests. If you acquiesce, you may never have the opportunity to fight for what’s best for them.

Don’t make decisions based out of fear for how your ex might react but rather what’s in the kids’ best interests.

Title	Schooling issue
Author	JuiceGreat0525
Upvotes	4
Comments	11
Date	October 24, 2024 12:50 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1gb1un7/schooling_issue/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/schooling-issue.1532713 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532713

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