I’m at a loss. Been married 14 years this May. Got pregnant out of wedlock at 24 years old and because I was raised Christian (not a believer any more), I married and supported her and the baby. Not financially, as I had just moved to Los Angeles - but I became a stay at home dad/photographer and we made it work. 3 kids later; 8, 12 & 14 we have made coparenting work. Only asset is a BMW worth like $20k. Maybe $100k in debt split between IRS, credit cards, past due bills and the like. Both names on everything.

Been fighting for years. Obviously unhappy -the both of us. We call it the mirror affect - the same thing that irks her, irks me. Same cycle, circle, fight, every week/day/month/year.

She started a business 4 years ago after being laid off from a cushy 9-5. that grew faster than an individual can handle and she’s extremely overwhelmed but refuses to hire help. I started a new teaching job a year ago that pays OK and provides benefits for the family. She makes way more than I and if I left I would be searching for an apartment or living in my car until I can figure out our fucked up finances and make it work. She would be “fine” financially - I would recover in 5-10 years.

She found some videos I sent to a impromptu sexting buddy I found on Twitter. I am a cheater so… I have that against me.

Today was the 12 year olds bday family celebration day - it got fucked when I said “whoa, we are spending how much $$ on her bday when we haven’t even figure out how we are going to pay off all the debt?” Maybe not the right time to bring it up, but it never is.

Fight led to divorce talk and a very awkward day where the 14 y/o hung with mom, and the 2 Youngers with me. Tension could be cut with a knife.

I can’t keep living like this. It’s affecting my kids, my work, my art and it just doesn’t feel healthy anymore but I’m scared to leave. She threatens to kick me out but I don’t think she has the balls.

She claims I’m an alcoholic, depressed, bipolar, anxious and add. She’s claimed I’m on the autism spectrum, that I need to be in psychiatric intake treatment, & I’m suicidal. I am human, and I don’t have any official diagnosis but feel in control of my life and emotions like any other 39 yo male in America. She’s made ultimatums like “take the landmark program or leave”, “check yourself into a psych ward or leave”.

I scheduled a couples therapy session but she didn’t like the therapist so we never went. We schedule “family meetings” or “financial planning meetings” but with her crazy on call schedule it never happens.

This is all over the place. I apologize. Everyone thinks we are this power couple madly in love but when the doors close, the gloves come off.

Wtf should I do?