Self-diagnosed ADHD and Autism. She was only happy so long as she perceived us making giant leaps and strides to the future. I could pick flowers, write cards, leave love notes, make surprise gift bags, plan dinner dates, massages, etc. But it was never enough. By the end, she would get home from work and pass out on the couch while I stood in the kitchen, petrified at the state of things feeling helpless.

After seven years, two dogs, graduating college, family deaths, flying around the world (literally), and buying a house... it wasn't meaningful enough for her. Somehow the good times and good deeds couldn't outweigh the egoic drives... there's the time she threw food at a loved one. the time she threw DQ out the car window, the times she abused the dogs, the time she got passed out drunk and sliced her arm and I drove two hours to save her, the time she tore her achilles and I never left her side, I would stay till death as promised.

I ALWAYS stayed by her side and I would have fucking died for her. I would have given my life for this woman. She was my EVERYTHING!! But if I can't find a job using my degree, she is embarrassed. She lied to coworkers about me. She got furious if I considered working at Walmart... what happens if I get in a car accident and can't work. What happens if our child were fucked up. What does our marriage mean to her, and where is her integrity? How DARE SHE do what she did.

We both did some things wrong individually and as a couple. That's the whole point of marriage: You are two flawed beings trying to make each other better, and you can't run away... But she did... After two years of separation, here I stand, ring on hand, ready and waiting to fight our demons together. After all this time, it still feels like part of my soul is missing. Every single night there are moments when I think of how it would be a better moment if I could share it with her.