How pissed off should I be?

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2024-08-24T17:36:44+00:00

I decided to read some of the comments first before I comment. Mine- her lawyer has already switched the agreement 3 times. I have a real estate business….. and she froze all the assets. Rendered me broke AF. Put 3 PFAs on me. 2 were thrown out by the judge because it has no merits. 3 one sticker because I violated the PFA - this is after she was over my place just a few days ago. So it’s ok for her to contact me, I just can’t contact her?! Well, lesson learned! The whole time I just want to make sure daughter is ok. Now since can’t get me for $$$, she is barring me from seeing daughter. Yea, when they want out- they will use everything they can against you….even the children. So for now, I am broke and emotionally….down.

HailkingCesar · 2024-08-22T20:17:24+00:00

Very pissed! She is patting you on the back while stabbing you in the back , good riddance

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-08-21T16:09:32+00:00

hen I find out she got the house reevaluated as a three bedroom and now wants 20,000

Get your own appraiser who works for YOU. During the walk though point out EVERYTHING that is an issue/needs repair.

This just proves to me that she doesn't give a fuck about anyone but herself.

If you're divorcing you shouldnt give a F about anyone other than YOURSELF.

Its just business now.

SuperConfused40 · 2024-08-21T15:35:40+00:00

Divorce is frustrating. I paid mine more to get rid of her and finish the divorce quick(er). It was worth it for my piece of mind.

It reduced my mental health costs by more 🤣

captainchippsixx · 2024-08-21T13:49:56+00:00

Yes! This is what I tell everyone. She will say one thing to you face, and she has plans going on behind the scenes. Bad ex’s thing 2-3 moves ahead on how to manipulate you.

You should always be prepared for worse case scenario and and a plan to destroy it.

Keep in mind selling the house you have to pay a realtor 3-6%. So that should be deducted. Fuck that $20k number.

techrmd3 · 2024-08-21T13:49:41+00:00

Actually it's not "she doesn't give an f--- about anyone but herself"

it's more like the woman sees things clearly as dollars and cents type transactions devoid of sentimentality.

I understand that maybe her actions in the past did so an amount of caring. But in a divorce the woman is in the situation of separating from a man who provided past support. Take away the future support promise and typically a woman gets VERY concerned about dollars and cents suddenly.

The idea that whatever the ex-wife gets out of the divorce settlement IS all she gets concentrates the mind I think.

AirSailer · 2024-08-21T13:39:06+00:00

she doesn't give a fuck about anyone but herself. I feel mad and I guess I'm here seeking validation/advice.

It's in women's nature to be resource hoarders and consumers. Men throughout human history have worked to provide resources, then turned them over to women in exchange for the women bearing children. Women still have this instinct, but they also now have a legal system which helps them with this process. Your marriage was a legal contract between you and the government to which you agreed that you would continue providing resources to her; if you stopped providing those resources you have to go back to the government and it will decide how many additional resources you must provide to her until a future date. You were only ever a resource provider to her, and now that it's over she's looking at a potential period of scarce resources, therefore she's trying to get as much from you as possible.

She's only doing what she's biological programmed to do. The underlying issue is that you signed a contract (the marriage license) without knowing the terms of the contract. Don't get mad, just understand what her thought processes are, and fight back legally as if you were negotiating a business contract... Because that's exactly what divorce is.

karavan7 · 2024-08-21T13:15:18+00:00

Lawyer. And, yes, you acted foolishly. These things are not fair. Keeping the house is a mistake as you bear the cost of it and the other party pays nothing and gets half the nominal value. A money grab is quite common. Take everything. Lock her out of all accounts. Get the lawyer to take everything possible. If you personally feel it's unfair, when the divorce decree is signed, you can give back money or assets.

Bumblebee56990 · 2024-08-21T13:11:57+00:00

Get. An. Attorney.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-08-21T12:30:13+00:00

OP, my story: I wanted to keep the house. Bank valued it at $440k. Her dumbass lawyer said “no way” and had his real estate princess friend value the house at $560k. The court order a new appraisal, came in at $520k. I said screw it, sell it. Guess what? After deducting the real estate and lawyer fees, house sold for $440k. Stupid witch.

Exactly65536 · 2024-08-21T12:08:03+00:00

Not giving a fuck about anyone but yourself, or rather, pursuing your interest relentlessly, is a good strategy during the divorce. You should not be pissed, you should adopt this strategy too.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-08-21T11:02:53+00:00

Amicable to a woman means she gets whatever she wants. A true 50/50 split of everything almost always leads to a battle.

Your choice as a man is to figure out how close to 50/50 is worth the money you’ll spend on legal fees.

It’s not that she only cares about herself, it’s that she no longer cares about YOU. Guys, if your wife files for divorce that means she filed a LAWSUIT against you. Quit thinking she’s going to be fair or honest about anything, 90% of the time she won’t.

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-08-21T07:10:00+00:00

"You are correct in thinking. They seek help from friends or lawyers and genuinely try to keep you off balance, making you believe there is a mutual agreement when, in fact, they are seeking to maximise their gain."

upvotersfortruth · 2024-08-21T06:21:48+00:00

I wouldn't get angry at her or let her see your anger, then she'll automatically win at the emotional level. Was your original deal fair and is she being greedy or does the truth lie somewhere in the middle of what you agreed and what she wants now?

This is the most mundane of business transactions - valuing equity in a house - use your head not your heart.

Don't let your expectation that this issue was closed control you now that the issue has reopened. No issue is closed until the judge signs off on it.

Don't let your natural desire for things to be over quickly and with less pain override your brain power.

Ask questions - why did she ask for more? Once you have a good guess on that you can then approach the problem.

Some possibilities:

She believes the house is worth more (and maybe it is) so what she's asking for is fair in her mind.
Someone she's talking to put her up to this, essentially greed.
She's throwing a wrench in there to delay things because she knows you'll react exactly like you're reacting.

Once you can intellectualize the "whys" you can find a solution.

Getting angry, unless it's strategic and fake with a design to illicit a particular reaction from her, will NEVER benefit you except perhaps by luck or chance.

So be angry, but not in front of her. Once you count to ten or whatever, figure out the whys, then come up with a response. You getting upset is what she's counting on, if you don't - you will scare the shit out of her.

_uCanDoBetterBrO_ · 2024-08-21T05:00:48+00:00

The person you go through divorce with is not the same person you married. Her attorney will advise her to do some foul shit and her “friends” will reinforce her victim mentality and make her feel justified to take more than she ever deserves. Sorry bud it sucks but things do get better with time

Reflog1791 · 2024-08-21T04:56:28+00:00

It’s standard operating procedure and just a negotiating technique. So don’t get pissed because it won’t help you get more money.

Other option sell and split the proceeds then level up your housing in due time.

Also you could try reverse psychology and say here you keep the house and pay me the $20 grand. You might whip that one out while the chips are down in mediation and even take that deal (assuming you’re talking 50/50 equity split and we’re only negotiating fair market value.

Another good option is just pay for your own appraisal. Maybe do that without telling her and surprise her at mediation as well.

Many ways to skin the cat. Be surgically precise with your negotiations.

Square-Choice-3672 · 2024-08-21T04:53:03+00:00

Yeah mate… put it this way. The woman you thought you knew doesn’t exist anymore :)

Title	How pissed off should I be?
Author	4th_times_a_charm_
Upvotes	17
Comments	28
Date	August 21, 2024 4:40 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1exgtp5/how_pissed_off_should_i_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-pissed-off-should-i-be.1527866 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527866

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