I haven’t filed yet, but we inch closer every day.

I have a spouse who takes little to no accountability for her actions—big or small. Nearly every discussion ends with me compromising, while she accepts none. It’s been a consistent pattern.

We’ve been married for 8 years. We’re both in our early 30s with two young toddlers.

I haven’t always been what she sees in Netflix love stories, because I’ve been dealing with real life. Working two full-time jobs. Managing performance pressure in the tech industry. Carrying the weight of rising living costs. Keeping our household afloat for the past six years.

Her primary responsibility has been staying home and raising the kids. And yes—that is real, demanding work. But it shouldn’t erase or discredit everything I’ve contributed. I’d honestly trade places and become a full-time stay-at-home dad. She makes it sound like working a job is easy. It isn’t.

Everything I do is minimized or framed as “not that hard.”

I’m an active, present father. My kids’ wellbeing is my top priority. I’ve put my pride aside and even worked a part-time janitor job on top of my full-time role when times were rough—just to keep us afloat.

Yet somehow, I’m told I “haven’t done my part.”

I don’t drink. I don’t do drugs. I start work at 7am and finish around 4pm. By 4:30, I’m with the kids—parenting, helping at home, being present—until about 9pm. That’s when I finally get a break, and I’m fine with that because I truly cherish time with my kids.

What’s most disappointing is being treated as if none of it was ever enough.

When I try to express this, all accountability gets pushed back onto me. I’m told I wasn’t there emotionally or mentally. But how could I be, when my hands were tied—working nonstop, carrying financial pressure, dealing with life outside our home, while still showing up fully and protectively for my children?

She tells me she wants to grow and change for the marriage, especially around accountability. I’ve clearly communicated what I need: acknowledgment when something is wrong, followed by correction—or at least an honest attempt to correct it. Yet she continues to fail at this daily. It’s been the same cycle for nearly two years.

At this point, divorce feels like the only realistic option—and I’d be the one to initiate it. We still have an active sex life, and I still find her attractive, but I can’t get past the lack of accountability. I don’t understand why taking basic responsibility and moving forward is so difficult.

On top of that, I regularly catch her looking at other men. She denies it, even when it happens right in front of me, while simultaneously telling me she wants to improve the marriage.

Still cohabitating, as we’ve got about 6 months left on our townhome Lease.. Something inside tells me that she will paint herself as the victim in this situation, for the remainder of her life.

I don’t really have any outlets to share this with in my personal life, so I’m posting here to get perspective, feedback, or advice.