~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 4 | In middle of silver bullet, could use support or adviceRead everything about it on this forum Texts and emails can be used in court. Use Ai to clean up all responses to ex. It can also be used for all legal stuff with your lawyer to minimize them draining you with their typical tactics. Realize it’s an industry trying to rob you. Nobody cares what you say or think even if it’s logical. Just document the facts and pay for whatever therapist they need you to use Stay mentally and physically healthy Make a new checking account and deposit new paychecks… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/26 04:45 PM |
| 2 | How do dads manage when they work all week and watch children all weekend?2-2-3 with demanding job. I realized I’m lucky my kids are still young and then since I’m 50/50 I only get half that time. So when I’m with them I just focus on being present and the best dad possible. The house is a mess most days and the lawn isn’t always cut but I realized as long as I do focus on a few things and let unimportant things slide it’s a lot easier. I even hit the gym 3-4 times a week for an hour to decompress and stay fit. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/26 02:09 PM |
| 6 | Ever Get the Feeling You Were Used?Yea she got to quit her job to take care of kid and just spent all day on her phone buying stuff and going on day trips while I slaved away. Expected two international trips a year and when covid hit I was so happy she couldn’t travel. Did the math and divorce is cheaper in the long run. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/26 01:33 PM |
| 3 | Someone just offed his ex wife and himself over custody and divorceIt’s an uphill battle for guys. Ex wife just pulls the silver bullet and next thing you know everyone assumes you’re an angry abuser that molests your kid. Then you need to spend thousands on child therapy and mediation and supervised visits just to get 50/50. For my ex she was just going for the bag and wanted increased child support fees and now she’s still dragging things on to maximize her temporary spousal. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/06/26 01:21 PM |
| 1 | What would it take for you to rekindle your love with your ex-wife?Return all my assets and alimony and sign bulletproof legal documents that more or less gave me full control of her life since she can’t manage anything. So never going to happen. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/04/26 05:44 PM |
| 3 | Considering divorce in CAHMU. I’m doing a messy cali divorce that should be ending this year if my ex gets her head screwed on properly. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/04/26 07:10 PM |
| 4 | Would you do it all over again?Yea since I have a kid. But I would divorce her sooner since she used the kid as leverage day 1 of pregnancy. Right after kid stops boobing I would file. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/04/26 04:22 AM |
| 1 | Taking half the joint account and runningNever give up the house. Make a new bank account and move half and all future income move half there. Don’t put anything new or old under her name. So keep the car and house etc under yours. Every dollar she spends. Spend the same for yourself because at the end of the day if you make 1000 and she spends 500 then when you split you get 250 and she gets 250 of the 500 you didn’t spend. If she makes 500 and blows it all or sends it home and you make 500 and spend 0 she gets half of rhat 500. Don’t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/04/26 12:09 AM |
| 2 | AdviceThat’s what they do. Just live your best life! Exercise and be strong for your kids. Try to hit your second or third peak in life etc. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/26 04:20 PM |
| 2 | Married for 13 years with 3 young kids. Looking for advice.I would hire your own lawyer as well. Mediation lawyer for me sucked. Use your lawyer to guide you. It’s worth it in the long run. I ending up using them anyways after the fact because mediation didn’t work out and I had to scramble for a lawyer… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/04/26 03:54 PM |
| 3 | Told I “Never Did My Part” After Working Two Full-Time Jobs So She Could Stay Home—Carrying the Financial Weight for 6 Years While Being a Fully Present Father. I wasn’t able to be there emotionally at every moment, just as I had no mental or emotional support while carrying everything.F her. I’m 50/50 now and I’m still the only employed partner and I kept the big house and pay for everything including both lawyers and I run a team of professionals in a legit company and doing the stay at home part is easy as shit. You wake up and get breakfast and kids ready which is not that difficult if you’re organized and firm about the kids doing their part. On days I need to go in I setup the before and after school programs which have meals covered. So I literally have nothing to worry… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/26 04:23 AM |
| 3 | Anyone come out NOT broke?Unless she’s worth more you’re always losing some. The best way to look at it is what is the price of freedom? And if they were just stay at home blood suckers and not working and spending a ton then you can calculate savings once alimony is done. I’m actually retiring early now since I just have to pay her a couple years and child support which is a wash for me since my kids would have used that amount anyways. So it’s all profit in a few years. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/02/26 12:01 AM |
| 1 | Paying alimony after job lossNot a lawyer but probably just run your scenario through ChatGPT for your state. I would take out half in any shared accounts and usually debt it shared. Gavron order for work and vocational assessment and the last 5 years in paystubs and taxes. But most states have systems in place to prevent earners from quitting work to just get alimony. So even if she’s laid off she’s probably expected to work | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/26 11:10 PM |
| 8 | Where to meet women - Hot YogaPro tip go to the front of the class so you don’t look like a creep and learn to use the mirrors 😉 but make it look like you’re working on your form. Once your squat game is up wear your 5 inch lululemon shorts for the ladies. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 12:41 PM |
| 2 | What does a divorced Christian dad do on the nights when he doesn’t have his kids?I feel you! I use to game a ton but due to the divorce I ending up getting hooked on the gym. I was going hard. 2-3 times a day just because I was bored and the pump felt great. Then I realized I got lucky and that I didn’t hurt myself at the gym so now I’m doing a slower structured approach and rest days kill me! But yea my new thing is I just order a miter saw and I plan to fix and build and clean stuff around the house. I tried using some dating sites and it just pissed me off because 1) a lo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/01/26 07:52 AM |
| 5 | Best community on reddit for divorceThis is what scares me. I’ve been threatened with dvro over and over again and I’m finally getting close to 50/50 physical custody in a couple weeks and just to have to deal with legal again in the future for some made up shit or feelings so she can ask for more $ which is what it’s all about pisses me off. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/01/26 04:39 AM |
| 4 | What was your ex wife’s occupation?49er | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/01/26 06:27 AM |
| 1 | Stay strongIt always is. Using it wisely is the key! I’ve become so much happier buying myself a sturdy dinner table to eat on instead of using a hand me down 20 year old folding table and just having a solid piece of wood to lean on while eating at home feels amazing. But yea mattress, couch, pillow, blanket and shoes are worth splurging on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/12/25 01:35 AM |
| 3 | New gf and enforcing boundaries about kid timeRed flag then. It should be your kids 100% until they are 18 and even then it’s 100%. Don’t compromise with your life and your peace. I’ve dated and dumped because unless it works out perfectly I’m not going to try to fix things when things are fine with me taking care of my kid, hitting the gym and doing my hobbies and working like a boss | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/12/25 04:07 PM |
| 2 | Please. Share your success story. You never know who needs it.Not done yet. But I’m picking up the kids today and keeping them until tomorrow evening and I have all the Santa gifts hidden and plan to put them under the tree when they are asleep because ex told them Santa doesn’t exist and they’re still young enough to believe. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/25 04:23 PM |
| 1 | Finally hitting me that this will be the last Christmas I’ll get to spend with my kids in our home. Anyone else experienced this?What we are here for. We all have our ups and downs but life is short so stay strong even if it’s only for yourself. Otherwise take care of those around you. I have my bad days too for sure but I’m learning to lift heavy things now. I highly recommend using a journal for exercise or an exercise app (many are free and I used Hevy for about half a year for free using their 4 basic routine limit). Otherwise invest in anything that keeps you off the ground like a bed, table, chair, shoes etc. I got … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/12/25 06:37 PM |
| 1 | Finally hitting me that this will be the last Christmas I’ll get to spend with my kids in our home. Anyone else experienced this?Flip side here. Last year sucked since I didn’t have Xmas for the first time ever with child. But this year it’s my first time to have them for Christmas without the ex! She told our child Santa doesn’t exist when they were like 3 or something. Now I’m setting up for them to believe in Santa so we wrote letters and I plan to bake cookies and I wrapped a ton of special gifts with a different type of wrap than mine and labeled them from Santa hahaha. Plus all my friends and family have been placin… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/12/25 05:41 PM |
| 8 | Lawyer told me in a divorce I’d be financially wrecked. Wife is emotionally gone. Any dads survive getting hit with this reality?I’m in California. It’s a 50/50 state for kids and assets. If you have assets prior to marriage and not commingled or inheritance not commingled make sure you don’t commingle them. Rest is split. I recommend you get a lawyer on retainer and have them on stand by. Then find a cheaper mediator lawyer who will do the initial filing and mediation stuff and hopefully you can get more than 50/50 since everything is negotiable except the calculated child support. It turns into a shit show when you or h… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/12/25 01:55 AM |
| 2 | The use of AI lawyers?I basically put everything opposing counsel sends into ai and gave it summarize and give options and strategy for my state and it’s better than my lawyer. I also put in the judges opinion for other cases since I have to sit in and listen to other cases for some odd reason while waiting for mine on zoom and well my judge is a pos who doesn’t follow the rules. I asked my lawyer that and he basically said yup. So yea family law is and always has been a bs cash grab for probably 70% of straight forw… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/11/25 05:42 AM |
| 4 | If you kept the house after the divorce and re-marryKeep the house separate. Don’t sell it or it’s our money hahaha | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/25 12:19 AM |
| 2 | Feeling lost — torn between staying in Canada for my daughter and returning home for my own sanityI feel you man. Just talk to a lawyer and figure out a divorce strategy. I was taking care of my dying mom and in a stressful job and she was just isolating me from child and spending money and complaining all day. Since the separation I’ve been bleeding money to lawyers but I just focus on 3 things. Kid, myself (gym and mental health) and work. When I get lonely I just lift weights. Sometimes I’m in the gym for half the day just so I’m tired when I get home. Then on the days I get my kid. I mak… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/10/25 05:30 AM |
| 3 | For those dating again and with kids, how are you handling it?Agreed! I have one young daughter and all I do is focus on her and being a dad, gym life and mental improvement and work. Started spending some money on nice gym clothes and work clothes and having fun in life. I actually avoid a lot of women because I don’t need the stress. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/10/25 09:37 PM |
| 7 | Monthly check in, how are you men holding up?She finally agreed to the ccrc for 50/50 for our kids since the mediator basically saw through her silver bullet bs. Now she wants more money for legal fees since she still chooses not to work. Slow and steady wins the day. The funny thing is her expected monthly expenses are now double her prior spending (5 figures monthly when married) so I’m saving a ton even after the cost of divorce and assets division. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/10/25 07:05 PM |
| 1 | Alimony in CA.I’m in ca as well. Make sure you print out and save all financial documents and move half if you can. Freeze credit for both of you if possible since all debt is shared. But you should just file now to lock finances in place if you think she’s going to get more debt. For alimony ask for vocational assessment and use past history and get imputed income. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/09/25 12:40 AM |
| 1 | How do I avoid getting fucked in the divorce (ca)?I would talk to a lawyer. But if you stay in California it’s 50/50 for kids and assets during marriage. Also since you’re over 10 years of marriage the alimony could be bad. But yea like everyone else recommended it seems like relocating and going into retirement in a divorce friendly state would be the best play. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/09/25 11:16 PM |
| 3 | Financial prep before divorceTake them to a nice trip and burn cash there | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/25 02:20 AM |
| 1 | Financial prep before divorceYea even if they do a look back as long as it seems reasonable they won’t question it. So yea knock out all the medical stuff because her boob job will be for her low self esteem or mental health. Might as well get a gym trainer for your health etc. but yea don’t buy a sports car or a new place etc since you’ll need to explain those and split them. Go gamble slowly even and withdraw cash from a casino and pocket some and dig a hole. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/09/25 02:20 AM |
| 3 | Financial prep before divorceSpend the money on stuff you want that can’t be split. Have a nice steak, hair transplant…. And whatever you didn’t spend she’s gonna want it all anyways | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/09/25 09:47 PM |
| 3 | Funny what happens when you can’t weaponize divorce anymore…Temporary spousal and all the motions plus easy domestic violence and restraining orders in Ca make it pretty bad. It’s an uphill battle to get the 50/50 | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/09/25 06:10 PM |
| 2 | Divorcing due to attractionIt gets more expensive the longer you wait and she’s just going to get worse with kids unless she puts in effort to get back into shape. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/09/25 07:34 PM |
| 2 | A constant battle with my mind (long post sorry)If she’s making more than you and you’re in a 50/50 state for assets with no kids. Save all your asset info etc and just file. You’re still young as a guy. She’s considered advanced maternal age from a medical standpoint and so any pregnancy is considered higher risk for things to go wrong once they’re past 35 years old. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/08/25 01:10 AM |
| 2 | Can you trust your lawyer?Ai apps have been more useful and have told me the likely outcomes etc since most of family law is straightforward and just two parties burning finances to fight. It only gets complicated if there’s abuse involved or psych issues or unusual finances (non w2, own a business etc). So I’ve learned to just go through the process instead of emailing nonstop and getting billed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/08/25 11:53 PM |
| 11 | 3 Friends, 3 divorces, 3 outcomes...NOT ME.Tbh if she makes more money than you… and depending on the state maybe you should take something out of their playbook. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/08/25 04:06 PM |
| 5 | Just found out I was the side guyYea good advice. I’m just going to focus on my kid, my health and wellness and work. Keep it simple. Probably a six pack by end of year hahaha | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/08/25 02:44 AM |
| 7 | Just found out I was the side guy100% agree. I pretty much deleted all the dating apps after browsing through and seeing they all seem to want my wallet. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/08/25 06:37 PM |
| 10 | Just found out I was the side guyYea she was a rebound. She came at me fast and hard but luckily after some post nut clarity I saw the red flags and broke it off after a few months and focused on getting better and healthier | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/08/25 06:22 PM |
| 4 | Dating After Divorce, some perspective/advice ?I’m separated and a few months out started dating a great younger girl who wanted more and more and I broke it off with her because my divorce is taking forever. Started talking to another coworker and found out she got divorced and is doing the 2/2/3 schedule with her ex and eventually found a divorced guy also 2/2/3 and I think what makes it work for them is they spend the 3 days together but are otherwise pretty independent other than maybe FaceTime or text when they are apart. So anyways my … | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/08/25 11:59 PM |
| 2 | Settle now and contest later?I messed up and now im fighting tooth and claw for 50/50 and she’s delaying everything. Start off with 50/50 and make it work | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/25 05:51 AM |
| 8 | MAKING THE EX FEEL THE BURN100% agreed. I actually got the gym or runners high a few times and all I want to do is gym. Plus I am making moves financially because I am reaching out and socializing. 6 pack soon! Oh yea use a journal or a gym app to track your progress. I’ve been gymming for the last 6 months and the last month I’ve made some major gains because I tried a few apps and starting logging routines and weights | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/25 02:39 AM |
| 9 | Don’t get a job till divorce is overI’m asking for a vocational assessment and then imputed income with step down payments | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/25 02:40 PM |
| 2 | Dating after divorceI would avoid the dating apps if you’re trying to date locally. Do things that make you happy and better like the gym and try to meet people. I have a bunch of bros now and it’s fun just to hang with the guys and we occasionally go out to try to pick up girls at night when we do social things. I’m even thinking about joining a coed softball team. Plan b is to be a passport bro. Just work my butt off so I can live it up in some other country for a couple weeks a year. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/25 06:12 AM |
| 3 | Self-confidenceI’m in a similar boat and age. 1.5 years separated and probably at least another year before divorce since it’s high conflict and her lazy ass doesn’t work and is milking the temp spousal. I started working out 4 months in and a much younger 24 year old female approached me and we dated for a few months and hooked up a ton. Unfortunately she gave probably reasonable women headaches but couldn’t admit when she was wrong. Given my priorities I just broke up with her and now I’m bummed because I re… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/25 12:55 AM |
| – | FrustratedJust an update. Trial date got pushed out 6 months and the judge didn’t even read the mediation report. Both lawyers agree to another review in a couple months just to have me pay more money. The whole system is just a business scam. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/25 08:00 PM |
| 2 | FrustratedThanks man. Just trying to see the positives. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/07/25 03:47 PM |
| 1 | Good gym routine for post-divorce?I’m trying this app out called hevy and it’s free for 4 routine programs. There’s other apps out there too but the subscription or lifetime fees are a bit high imo for what you get. Or just google routines and do it all school with pen and paper | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/25 07:13 PM |
| 9 | Where to focus my attention for improving attractivenessLegit haircut with style and maintain it. Just YouTube some before and after videos that are popular. Gym New clothes for the above. Go to some nicer places that will measure and fit you. Once you have the numbers you can try shopping on your own. I wouldn’t bother though because all my dates eventually want to buy me clothes so I can fit their style. Walk around happy and confident. They will come to you in surprising places. I’m a short ethnic guy and I’m still getting attention. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/07/25 06:59 PM |
| 1 | False AllegationsJust wanted to give an update. Met with mediator and we went accusation by accusation and I think I did well. They asked me what my ideal scenario was and I said 2/2/3 based on what my lawyer told me and my research and he actually recommended 2/5/5/2 which is way better for my job. So I’m waiting for final proposal and hopefully I can spend meaningful time with my kid again | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/06/25 10:09 PM |
| 1 | The anxiety is really getting badGoing through the same process. Stay strong. Make sure it isn’t acid reflux and you can pick up over the counter meds for that and prop yourself up when you sleep. Hit the gym and focus on your mental health. Try finding a gym with a group class so you can get motivated by other people moving. Focus on being the best dad for your kids and just go through the process. Don’t waste time on other women or dating until you’re fixed. It’s a disaster. I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been and getting ri… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/06/25 02:00 AM |
| 1 | Where to go?Yea I’ve been going to the gym a lot and doing classes. A mt bjj class sounds cool! Any recommendations? | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/25 12:38 AM |
| 1 | In FlightHow do you handle banking other than crypto? Is it possible to sell off everything and cash out 401k and leave? I figure as long as you pay the taxes they can only get you for skipping out on temporary alimony. Might lose social security I guess but that might be gone anyways by the time I’m retirement age. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/06/25 01:59 AM |
| 1 | 45M, Law Firm Partner, $350k/yr — Planning Divorce, SAHM Wife — What Does My Future Look Like?You are correct. Us suckers just call it lifetime because it feels that way. But it usually ends if they remarry or retirement age etc. so for guys getting married in their 20s and divorcing 10 years later it’s a long time. But usually when they’re that young you can argue that she should find work. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/04/25 12:35 AM |
| 2 | Is there anyone that will have a conversation with me who has been through divorce. It’s been 3 years but I am still struggling.I signed up for a mid to high end gym that offered classes as part of the membership. It’s around $150 a month. Check insurance and it might lower it down to half. Then sign up for the classes and go every day to the gym. I take classes for 5 days and lift a bit. Then I go to the gym on my rest days to rest and do things like the sauna or stretch or lazy cardio on the bikes and just watch Netflix. Eat a bit healthier and reconnect with your guy friends who are true bros and do simple things like… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/04/25 03:03 PM |
| 1 | Amicable no-fault divorce in California. Costs? Pitfalls?If you mediate it’s whatever you two decide. If you both lawyer up you’re going to lose money to lawyers when it’s really a simple division of assets and alimony calculation. The assets will be tricky since inherited items that are not commingled are hers. But if she put money into a down payment and you paid the mortgage the house is likely just split down the middle. Same thing for the rental. So easiest thing is for one of you to take the main house and the other one the rental. All bank acco… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/04/25 02:10 PM |
| 9 | 45M, Law Firm Partner, $350k/yr — Planning Divorce, SAHM Wife — What Does My Future Look Like?45M, 550k/year and one kid. Married less than 10 years to stay at home mom. They use a calculator for alimony and child support. Can negotiate the alimony but normally if less than 10 years of marriage the time frame is half the years. More than 10 it’s lifetime. But I’m assuming your wife is under 45 years old so you can argue she should work and maybe push for 8.5 years of alimony which should give her plenty of time to get back to work and save you at least 12-13 years of alimony based on ret… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/04/25 02:04 PM |
| 8 | Dating is so much work!Dating apps suck unless you’re tall and good looking etc. I’m just a regular sized guy and even pre marriage they were terrible for me. Now it’s probably worse just because I have a kid and I’m separated and way older. Just hit the gym and work on yourself and the women will come naturally when they see a guy with their act together. My problem is I realized that relationships do take too much effort and I’m unsure if I want to deal with anything more than my kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/25 02:04 AM |
| 3 | Dating againBelieve it or not if you become the best you by going to the gym, improving your career etc you will naturally fall into something. It’s happened to me over the last half year and I realized unless she’s perfect don’t fall into something you can’t get out of. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/25 08:16 PM |
| 1 | Too old to divorce3 years of alimony and 10 of child support plus half of what I earned the last 6. But she spends so much I might come out ahead with inflation hahaha | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/02/25 05:00 AM |
| 4 | This Has Been Absolute Hell, But I Secured 50/50 CustodyI’m about to meet some 15k retained mft for my ccrc. I feel your pain | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/02/25 01:47 AM |
| 7 | Too old to divorce44 here divorcing a wife 8 years younger and about to lose a couple million over the next 10 years when everything is said and done and child turns 18. Started working on myself during separation and life has been much better. Being in an environment where I preferred being at work than coming home to my unloving family made me realize life is too short to be unhappy. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/25 03:44 PM |
| 4 | Should I stay for the kids?Bro. I’ve been there. Do the math. You will financially come out ahead if you’re frugal and she isn’t even after splitting assets etc. also you will be infinitely happier. I’m still in the process and I think I’ll lose like 1.5 million including child support once it’s all said and done. But I calculated out she will spend at least 1.3 million until kid is 18 and that doesn’t account for inflation. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/01/25 09:51 PM |
| 9 | I became too rich to divorce and I feel trapped.Make sure you don’t commingle your inheritance. Keep it all separate forever | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/25 12:33 AM |
| 3 | I’ve spend $8K and just through temp orders….4k on mediator who she fired. 4k on a financial auditor who has been placed on hold. 15k retainer for my lawyer who charges $500/hr and I’m already down to 9k. Paying 15k for her lawyer fees and her lawyer just emails nonstop to everyone to rack up fees imo and is now asking for another mediator between lawyers which I’ve never heard of when I offered her the fair 50/50 deal and provided all documents | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/12/24 03:55 PM |
| 9 | Just something all you guys need to read.Thank you. I needed this. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/10/24 03:08 AM |
| 18 | She want alimony included in prenupRun. I’m losing over 7 figures because of lack of prenup | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/10/24 03:16 AM |
| 5 | Fuck you. I'm still standing.Stay strong brother. I feel you | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/09/24 09:40 PM |
| 3 | I won my parental alienation caseThe reason I am divorcing. Wife alienated me during Covid since I was a front line worker and during that time she taught our daughter her native language which I do not understand and they have been using it nonstop in front of me so I have zero idea what is being said in the car and during meals etc. I told her to stop or I’m divorcing and she told me no. It was the nail in the coffin for me along with her spending and dead bedroom | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/08/24 03:53 AM |
| 6 | Need a father's advice- Is love worth it?It’s a different era. In the old days men work and women were homemakers and keeping up with the jones was just comparing cars and bbq equipment and going to their house parties to watch slide shows of their vacations. Now women want it all and have social media telling them how things should be which just puts a ton of risk on high value guys. I go out to eat and I see all these women hustling at dead end jobs and I know they would love to end up with me financially. I spoil them a little and n… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/08/24 03:55 AM |
| 19 | What are some of the most important lessons you've learned from your divorce that you wish you could share with younger men facing similar situations?Pre nup. Keep premarital assets separate and don’t commingle them. Don’t get married | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/24 10:01 PM |
| 6 | Guys who initiated the divorce and did NOT get cheated on, what’s your story?Credit card bills upward of 10k a month without any thanks for my labor since she doesn’t work. Alienation of me with child because they speak a language I can’t understand for like 80% of their conversation with me and a dead fucking bedroom since child was born. Also kicked my dying mom out of my house even though she agreed she could stay prior to marriage. Used her pregnancy as an excuse to guilt trip my family to move my mom 10 minutes away back to her house | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/24 09:44 PM |
| 3 | “Marriage saves money. You will be on a double income and get tax breaks. So many economic advantages.”For me it was my mom died. Two months later let’s do a 300k renovation of the whole house. I was doing 16 shifts straight and she went out of country and left me with the contractors for 14 days while she spent my money on vacation… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/07/24 12:14 AM |
| 11 | “Marriage saves money. You will be on a double income and get tax breaks. So many economic advantages.”The only thing my stbxw is good for was the tax deduction and it didn’t make up for her spending | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/07/24 07:18 PM |
| 1 | Child support and alimonyI’m in the same boat. Alimony tax will be paid by her at least. If you’re getting a lot in bonuses can consider an ostler smith table. I go to mediation in two days so let’s see what I get reamed with | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/07/24 03:41 PM |
| 1 | Question about ostler smith tables for bonuses for CaliforniaYea I’m a doctor | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/24 08:47 PM |
| 6 | Get divorced to be the fun dad you always wanted to beThat sounds awesome. I wanted to play Mario rabbids with daughter and it was pegi7 and she’s turning 7 next month. Wife says it’s esrb 10 so she can’t play until she’s 10… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/06/24 08:45 PM |
| 1 | Something that is helping me through the divorceBaby steps! But yea I’m reconnecting my network of friends and they’re all welcoming me back especially because I’m the man with the golden touch. So lots of business plans once I figure out the divorce | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/06/24 04:40 AM |
| 6 | Something that is helping me through the divorceYea the monthly membership is break even if you watch 2 movies a month. I’m already at 5 for the first week. It’s a great way to kill 2 hours and just remove yourself from reality. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/24 09:16 PM |
| 2 | Wish I told her this before I got marriedI work my hands to the bone | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/24 06:07 AM |
| 1 | Losing my coolI would if I could. Waiting for the court to tell her I can.. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/06/24 11:31 PM |
| 0 | Losing my coolI just miss my kid and wanted to take her to the movies but the umbilical cord is still attached. She’s been groomed | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/06/24 11:30 PM |
| 0 | Losing my coolThanks for the back up. I literally run a hospital and take care of patients day in day out and I come home without any food on the table and the family alienating me by speaking a language I do not understand even though I literally give them everything. Now I’m looking at a 7 figure pay out to get rid of her and I can’t wait till she’s gone so I don’t die from a thousand cuts. She literally told me her father doesn’t understand why we can’t go to Korea twice a year based on what I make… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/06/24 11:29 PM |
| 5 | Losing my coolNo. It’s just her. I have prior posts about the whole situation | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/06/24 04:47 AM |
| 4 | Losing my coolThanks for all the advice. Yea it’s strange that I’m high up the professional ladder at work with multiple degrees and dealing with everyone and I can’t handle a sahm. She’s my kryptonite | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/06/24 04:46 AM |
| 2 | Losing my coolJust her. I’m bad at learning languages. I tried | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/06/24 04:41 AM |
| 3 | A little bit of good newsBased on your name we might be in the same city and I I come out intact in a few months you can interview me hahaha | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/06/24 01:06 AM |
| 18 | I hate my wifeI feel you. After wife got pregnant with our kid I didn’t exist. She became a stay at home mom and I pay for everything. She spends a shit ton too and always wants to travel. They even speak a different language when I’m around which I can’t learn because I’m just bad at languages. I’ve been alienated, dead bed room and treated like an atm chauffeur. So I filed for separation last month and I feel great | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/06/24 03:35 AM |
| 8 | Really happy after divorceI agree! I just go to work and have a blast and then come home walk the dog and do whatever I want whenever I want! Just waiting for mediation to rape me and then figure out my finances but mathematically I’m saving money long run since I’m low maintenance. But I’m breathing the freedom already. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/24 05:01 AM |
| 8 | Has anyone achieved greater career/financial success after divorcing?My wife spends so much that I did my calculations and if it’s accurate once we divorce I’m saving a ton long term | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/06/24 02:29 PM |
| 2 | Is there really an outI wish I left when my kid was 18 months or pursued therapy harder for her. 8 years later finally pulled the trigger because all she cares about is our kid and she decided to be a stay at home mom…not wife. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/24 02:36 AM |
| 2 | Settlement agreementMost likely. I’m on the opposite side. My wife knows California is 50/50 so I’m just going to give her 50/50 to avoid court to save legal fees. Our issue is legal child custody. She wants more than 50/50… so there’s going to be negotiations | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/24 09:21 PM |
| – | Struggling today.I’m in the same boat. Waiting for mediation. Worse case I give her 50/50 assets and do 50/50 custody in California. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/24 09:05 PM |
| 2 | Settlement agreementI’m assuming what’s the buyout. What state are you in. Length of marriage, assets, children and alimony are all things you need to consider to make a number up | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/24 09:04 PM |
| 5 | Freedom in post-divorce era100% agree. My goal is freedom too. Just waiting for mediation and papers. I’m going through the emotional and financial roller coaster of divorce but this post just reinforced my thoughts about my future freedom. My whole life has been about duty and taking care of others and not myself. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/24 08:00 PM |
| 1 | Salesmen. Do you pay a percentage of base and commission?Look up ostler smith order | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/24 01:53 PM |
| 1 | So tense upYes google ostler smith tables and court cases. It’s used in situations like ours. So when they want to calculate child support and alimony you can ask them to do it based off of base salary and any extra money to use the ostler smith table. The trick is that you need to work less or make less bonus to come out ahead. If you work more and make more then you dont want to use the tables since they get a percentage of your extra bonuses and work from working more. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/05/24 12:38 PM |
| 6 | I just broke up with her. I feel like shit.Don’t do it. If you have a ton of assets talk to a lawyer on how to protect it and have any future partner lawyer up to review the paperwork so it’s all legal. I wish I did that. I’m planning to enjoy the single life after my divorce and if I ever get married again I’m going full legal to protect what I have | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/05/24 06:50 PM |
| 1 | So tense upStay strong. I’m in the same boat California. Luckily I’m pulling the trigger at 8 years. Look into ostler smith support orders which can help you with alimony and child support if you make a ton in bonuses etc. I plan to ask for it on my calculations and just not work as hard and go for base salary. More than 50% of my income was from extra shifts and bonuses. In terms of retirement I’m younger than you by a decade and change and I am considering becoming an expat. At first losing 50/50 in the … | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/05/24 02:35 PM |
| 1 | Question about legal custodyGreat advice. I’ll remember that when I try mediation | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/24 08:14 PM |
| 1 | Question about legal custodyThanks for the info. Yes I would be doing more of the day to day with her proposed arrangement and I’m currently providing 100% of the finances and will continue to make significantly more than her due to occupation options | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/24 08:14 PM |
| 3 | Question about legal custodyThank you so much for the clarification. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/24 03:12 AM |
| 3 | Question about legal custodyOh thanks for clarifying the overnight. My stbx wanted me to take her to school and to after school activities so she can work 8-5. I thought caring for her from 7-7 including school counted for half the day. I guess not | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/24 01:34 AM |
| 0 | New to the group but sharing my wisdomGot it. Thanks for clarifying. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/24 10:55 PM |
| 0 | New to the group but sharing my wisdomWhat do you mean by your last paragraph. I do want more sex and fun and communication but she’s alienating me and only focuses on our kid. She also states she has a low sex drive. I discussed it with her multiple times and even offered therapy which she feels is a waste of time so I just exploded one day when she overspends which she often does. Thanks again | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/24 08:40 PM |
| 2 | New to the group but sharing my wisdomThank you so much for this. I am in a similar situation and just started the process. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/24 08:36 PM |
| 3 | Did she try to isolate you form your family, particularly from your mother?Haha yup. My fault for buying a house that’s too big to clean. I get to keep my dream job which pays for everything while she chose to be at stay at home mom. The therapist just agree with me because I’m in the medical field too. We aren’t alienating you. I’m teaching our kid a second language and she speaks enough English outside of the house. Relationships are built on trust and honesty and I guess I’m not trustworthy or honest even though I’m not speaking in a language she doesn’t understand … | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/05/24 01:47 PM |
| 1 | Parents are trying to force me into an arranged marriage - please help, I will divorce if they doSince you’re in California. Make sure you learn how to keep your separate property separate and do not transmute it if you get married. Get them to do a huge dowry and you end up getting half on divorce? But yea just go no contact. A divorce will just piss them off more. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/05/24 06:16 AM |
| 8 | Did she try to isolate you form your family, particularly from your mother?Yes. Right when she got pregnant and had our kid to solidify her stake in the relationship she isolated everyone. Once the kid was born even I got isolated. She is now alienating me by speaking another language with our child when I am around and rarely do they tell me what is going on even when I ask. So between that and her overspending and the dead bedroom, I dont really see a point to continue on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/05/24 03:48 AM |
| 4 | Sounds crazy but I will do it again . Would you?Similar situation except 8 years and 1 kid and I make all the income with multiple trips out of country. If I could go back in time I would have had a prenup and a whole different wife. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/05/24 02:09 AM |
| 1 | California Commingled Asset Split RuleSacramento. I’m hoping what I was told is the correct method as well. I also have some prior marriage 401ks which have not been commingled because I was too lazy to move and merge them. They should be untouchable including growth but you never know. Also remember that 20% is the community property gain so it’s actually 10% to each of you. If you look at the spreadsheet on the California website for division of assets they use gross net worth of the asset-asset debt=asset value and then put two c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/24 12:28 AM |
| 1 | California Commingled Asset Split RuleI’m hoping this is not the case for California. But I could not find a clear answer | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/24 11:39 PM |
| 1 | California Commingled Asset Split RuleI’ve heard different things for California and I am going through it as well. The main thing is to get a statement of the value of the account right before marriage and right on date of separation so they can calculate it. My lawyer told me that they basically take the value before marriage and then based on the growth of the account they calculate what the prior amount is worth now and subtract that from current value and divide by two. But using your numbers you placed $400 prior to marriage a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/24 11:38 PM |
| 6 | California Divorce. I just met with the lawyer and this was my experience and what I learned.There was no advice on whether to tell the spouse first or not. I think it depends on every couple’s situation. I think in situations where there are a lot of finances in play that are not easily tracked you would want to lawyer up and slap papers down. In my case my finances are very easy to track in my opinion since I am just a w2 and all assets are under my name because I never bothered putting the wife’s name because she froze my credit right after we got married because of her paranoia whic… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/24 05:27 AM |
| 3 | The Pain of Hearing Your ChildrenYea my kid is one of the reasons I stayed in a miserable marriage where somehow it’s always my fault. I was alienated through pandemic because I needed to isolate as a front line worker. They speak a different language at home so I have no clue what’s going on. While all this was going on and I was working a high stress job, I had to also take care of my mother who had terminal cancer who passed recently. My father in law even told her that I shouldn’t be so cheap and can afford to allow her to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/24 02:39 AM |
| 2 | Getting divorcedUnless you signed paperwork stating that you owe anything or took out a loan then you do not owe anything to her. Once you’re married all debts and earnings gained during marriage are shared 50/50 in California. In general the higher earner loses more financially but sometimes it is worth it. My wife spends 10k plus a month and while it is not gambling it still isn’t necessarily money well spent imo. But I still need to give her half of my savings and assets and she only worked a few months duri… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/24 07:02 AM |
| 3 | California Divorce. I just met with the lawyer and this was my experience and what I learned.Wish I did a prenup. I’m thinking about doing a post nup now | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/24 06:35 AM |
| 2 | California Divorce. I just met with the lawyer and this was my experience and what I learned.Yea probably. But I’ve always been transparent with finances with her even though she doesn’t think so and I don’t have anywhere to hide finances since I’m a simple w2 and have no side gigs | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 07:00 PM |
| 2 | California Divorce. I just met with the lawyer and this was my experience and what I learned.I would assume so. I just showed the lawyer my last year total, most current and w2 form | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 06:57 PM |
| 2 | California Divorce. I just met with the lawyer and this was my experience and what I learned.Thanks for the added info! Luckily I’ve been married just under 8 years in California. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 03:57 PM |
| 1 | So what about sex?10/2018. At the lawyer now for the first time. Yup I know | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/05/24 09:17 PM |
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