Have you ever been kicked down? How long do yeah fight for before yeah give up?

I moved to DC with my Ex per our custody agreement in September 2022. Since then she has continued to state I've stalked her. When I try to find out answers to my kid's medical concerns, I'm then stalking her. When I make medical appointments for them, she says I'm stalking her. Recently she said the fact that I parked two blocks away from my girl's school as suspicious, and even included this in her summary of allegations against me.

And then I did screw up. I screwed up big time. I screwed up really bad.

After a month of her keeping my girls away from me, I went to her house to get them. I fell into her trap. She then used this as grounds to say I was stalking her and then accused me of pushing into the front door. I never touched her and I never pushed my way through the front door.
In our trial she has been erractic, she has broken down crying, and she has aske the judge to belive her. She showed text messages where I admit I have anger issues and ask for counseling in 2021. I feel like I'm cooked. I feel like giving up. The judge had qouite a poker face and is so hard to read.
Maybe my hope is that even if I loose my custody for them, I still need to be there for my girls. They will need a father in their 20's. I hate to even think that. They are such Daddy girls. I love them so much. We just went camping. I love taking care of them, and making crepes, and learning how to read. They are just my pride and joy. And now because I fucked up and went to her house, it's all over. This is really my fault.
I've beaten a protection order in Michigan last year, and false accusation of domestic violence, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to escape a third time. I feel like it's done.
I appreciate any hope and strength that can be provided.