I am trying to keep going guys but it is hard. I feel really broken and just absolutely worthless right now. I’ve been separated for 11 months, getting ready to start the divorce process, and I fear that she has won in destroying me.

She filed false DV allegations against me even though she was the one that assaulted me… I wasn’t believed. She used that to leverage me out of the family home, and she is now fighting to keep all of the marital properties contained within that home even though we bought them together. She has faced zero consequences for any of her actions and everybody is treating her like she is the “victim” of me. Her lawyer is blowing up my email for me to come get my belongings out of “her home.”

To make matters worse, she has slowly started to twist my son against me. To be honest, my son was all I had left. I have no friends, no family, no supports. I recently had to break up with my therapist of 2 years because she kept giving my ex the benefit of the doubt for how she has treated me. Now my son screams that he doesn’t love me, that he doesn’t want to go with me, and tries to hit me at every single exchange. He does not do this towards my ex.

I am also living paycheck to paycheck, I have no savings, no retirement savings, I own no properties and I can’t see ever being able to afford to own my own house. I am almost 40 and now that my marriage has ended, I really have nothing to show for all those years. I am starting to realize that my ex is a narcissist. I have no clue who this person is and I am starting to realize that my entire relationship with this person was a lie. I found out years later that she cheated chronically, lied all the time, hid substance abuse issues, and often manipulated me.

I have nothing left guys. I am living out of a studio, my clients with work have dried up, I have lost my home, my son screams that he doesn’t love me every time he sees me, I have no friends, I have no family, and I am being treated as if I am a monster… I have nothing to show for almost 40 years of life lived. My career will never make enough and at this point it is too late in life to try to do a new career. All I do is sleep all the time and I sometimes eat.

I have no one to witness any of my pain. I have no one that believes me.