It's been two days since my now ex wife has officially wanted to separate. I really fought till the end to keep pushing to better ourselves, but she is tapped out. She can't continue.

Emotionally a part of me feels oddly relieved. This is hard as fuck don't get me wrong, but I have a realization that it wasn't me, I kept trying to be what she wanted.

For example, she wouldn't not move in until we were engaged, so I had two weeks to get a ring and engage. Slightly forced but I did it because I wanted to be with her. She did not want a formal wedding, I did. We went to a courthouse with only her parents and my sister present. Honeymoon was 2 days at a local area. Not at all the way I wanted but did it because she was happy.

I've always done things, stepping far out of my comfort zone to ensure I was showing I can make changes for us. It wasn't enough at the end. She admitted she was happy 70% of the time and was thinking about divorce ever before marrying. We used to argue about stuff but got much better. I really emphasized I want to eliminate the word divorce but kept popping back up. It's like this was inevitable.

I'm not perfect and have made mistakes, but who is. I admit my problems and address them directly to her. She NEVER says outright she was in the wrong or I am sorry or how do you feel about this situation. She said she'd be OK if she was celebate and we didn't have sex anymore. Just constant threats to try and get me to change.

In her last email to me, she said verbatim, "I haven't been myself and it's not fair to me or to you to continue a marriage that brings out the worst in eachother". I can't fix her happiness if she isn't happy with herself. That is not my job. We are supposed to be happy together, but her happiness should not solely be my responsibility.

I'd also like to note she didn't bring out the worst in me AT ALL. I always said you make me a better person, and I meant it. It's like no matter what I say it doesn't matter her opinion is right. It hurts me because I do not believe that. I am sorry that i only brought out the worst in you... but why did you marry me then?

Tough times but I have som solace knowing I have tried truthfully. Is this fair? How can I make someone happy for themselves? That just seems irrational. We should both be happy people and come together as one unit in a happy marriage. That's my perception.