I've been married over 10 years to my wife and each year seems to get progressively worse. She takes a negative attitude and offense towards most every action I do. It doesn't matter what it is, from helping the watch the kids, asking her informative questions like what appointment are you going today,etc. She feels the need to critique almost everything I do and compares to how she would have done something or make a snarky remark about how incompetent she feels I am even if it's the furthest thing from the truth. It's like she holds the standard of perfection to be measured against.

It must be nice not to be accountable to anyone but herself because she does not have a job. She has no boss or responsibility other than her current passion of raising our kids which I think happens to be convenient for her because she has not shown an effort work in over 8 years since before our first child was born and even before that she only worked part time because I was helping her pay for school which she never finished. She kept bouncing between majors. I really don't think she wants to work or help contribute any money of her own to the house. I have always taken on the financial and work burden to make sure we could survive.The only money she ever really helped with was with food and some utilities. She was living almost free. There were also periods where she wasn't working or just quit jobs on a whim and sat at home waiting for me to return from work.

Fast forward to now - I am still supporting us and our kids on my 1 check. When I went to the office before covid, she would get upset or try to make me feel guilty for not calling her during work hours regardless of what I had going on. She would also rush me to get home and of course I had grocery shop and oftentimes prepare dinner or help make it when I got home because she doesn't grocery shop. It's like she is allergic to being the one to make sure her family has meals prepared and the food to cook it with. I secretly think she equates anything dealing with the planning, shopping, or cooking of food as going back to the 50's when women were responsible for these things, like I'm trying to put her in that bucket. This isn't true because I currently perform all of those duties myself and would like her help in taking over and sharing these responsibilities with me. Ugh.

Now that I work from home she tries to recruit me to do most of her stay at home mom duties even though I need to be logged into work and allowed to put in an honest day's work of at least a good 8 hours if necessary. In reality I barely get to work more than 3 hours at a timeand in some cases per day because of the help she needs or thinks I owe her. She resents me if I want or need to stay isolated in our home office for a normal 8 hour shift without interruptions from the kids climbing all over me while I'm working or in a meeting.

She shares all of our private businessoor arguments with her mother who I now know secretly hates me. She brings our kids around her mother and father all the time butwwill not allow our kids to visit my family for fear of covid infection which makes no sense. She has rarelyeeveer tried to even the exposure that our kids have to both sides of their family. Now the kids are shy with my family and don't have much of an emotional connection with them because she never allowed them to spend equal time with their other grandparents and extended family. Any attempt that I made to improve this situation in the past was met with refusal, excuse, or argument on her side. I always made my point but stopped short of taking the kids anyway in order to save our relationship or having nasty arguments in front of the kids, or with her physically not letting me do so. Obviously if I got in a fight with her or she took an act of violence on me, I would be the one to blame and go to jail since I'm the man and apparently don't have the same rights as the mother.

She used to threaten me with divorce for years when she wanted to make a power play in an argument.... Until I got desensitized to the idea and empty threat. Now, in addition to me just wanting to be in a regular relationship without a big fuss and to avoid the trauma of divorce on our kids I have tried to keep it all together.

I don't know how much longer I will last and am now trying to think through plans on how to get a divorce started so I can be mentally prepared for the next steps to avoid anxiety and confusion later if I end up needing enact this plan myself or if she tries to catch me off guard and file first.

I'd like togget advise about my situation from you guys. In addition, I'm curious if I would be responsible for paying her alimony sinse she has not worked in years due to her own choice which I never wanted or encouraged. We don't have any disabled children so I don't think she could use that as a factor to qualify. In the unlikely event she tried to assign me custody of the kids, would she be responsible to pay child support to me? Regardingany debt thatis in my name,would she inherit half of that too just like she would any other community property? The house is in bothof our names even thoughiI aam the one who qualified for the loan and make all payments. Since she cannot afford to just take over the loan due to lack of income, and because she has no recent work history to apply by herself, what will likely happen here as far as ownership? I want my kids to have annicce placetto live but if she got to keep the house while my name is on the loan, this would prevent me from applying for a new house on my own.