It has always felt like a struggle to be happy. I was abusive for much of that time.

I have had counseling and we have gone to various marriage counselors over the years. My wife refuses to go to counseling for herself. Our marriage counselor had suggested she go to work on her happiness. She thinks therapy is a waste of time. She has stated there is nothing wrong with her, she is not sick like me.

At this point new issues about money and retirement have come up and she is still not happy. She doesn’t trust me with money. We are mortgage and debt free with three homes. I am at a loss. We have ostensibly decided to get a divorce.

Are we gonna make ourselves more miserable? There is no guarantee that our new lives will be “better” . Neither of us has a substance abuse issue or has ever strayed. I can’t know that I will be happier or even if I deserve being happier, I mean, what is happiness?

There are so many things that I am gonna miss. What am I in for? Will my kids still talk to me? (I feel our kids have a pretty good idea we are not happy) Will her family talk to me? What about mutual friends? I am torn between just continuing as it is and let it just keep the peace or finally doing it. It is all very sad, but it is likely time to do something as it never seems to get better.