Hello; guys r/survivinginfidelity infidelity won't allow me to post this. and the moderators won't give me a reason! What's up with the censorship on Reddit.

Strategy for dealing with a wayward spouse.

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I have read many posts on this form and am surprised by the lack of remorse and empathy that most of the wayward spouses showed after their affair was revealed. The blame-shifting, manipulation, gaslighting and deceit that many W.S. has shown strongly indicate that many are narcissists and should be treated as such. As a result of reading so many heartbreaking posts, I decided to share a few strategies for dealing with such creatins.

The first thing the betrayed should do is prepare for war. Yes, I said it, war.

Too many cheaters lack empathy, are extremely deceitful and are capable of ruining their spouse's life without any thought. They will slander you to close friends and relatives, try to have you arrested, or be fired from your job. Therefore, the betrayed needs to protect themselves at all costs.

  1. Collect as much evidence of the affair without the wayward spouse's knowledge.

Hire a private investigator, take photos, print out any incriminating emails, etc.

Find out who the A.P. is. If that person is married, are they a co-worker?

After gathering the evidence, do not confront your affair partner. Play dumb, pretend is if you do not know about their extracurricular activities.

2) Hire a lawyer, gather all financial records and evidence of an affair and start the divorce process, even if you desire reconciliation. Get legal advice! And individual counselling to deal with the emotional trauma you are suffering. It is important that you put yourself in as strong a position as possible.

3) get S.T.D. Tested and avoid any sexual contact with your spouse.

4 ) Carefully plan your escape. have your attorney draw up a separation agreement, custody agreement if you have children etc.

5) Have your spouse served with divorce papers unexpectedly. Based on your attorney's advice, this is when you should notify the A.P. spouse if the A.P. is married. H.R. if they are a coworker etc. Exposed the affair publically to close friends and relatives. Do not give the wayward spouse any chance to slander you. Strike fast and strike hard. Show no mercy. Period.

On reconciliation.

Reconciliation can only happen with the imminent threat of divorce. Sadly, reconciliation does not favour the betrayed spouse regardless of why the wayward spouse cheated (around 90% of cheaters will cheat again). The betrayed spouse should only consider reconciliation on the following terms

  1. the wayward spouse shows genuine remorse. They are ugly crying tears streaming from their eyes and apologizing, shifting blame.
  2. The wayward must publically apologize to close friends and relatives and give access to their phone and social media account.
  3. With you there to witness this, the wayward spouse must contact the affair partner and tell the person that the betrayed spouse is aware of the affair, that they have decided to reconcile and not to contact them again. Afterwar, the wayward must block the A.P.s number and social media account.
  4. If the Affair Partner is a co-worker, that must quit their job and notify H.R. of the affair, especially if the A.P. is a boss or manager. Let the wayward know: your job or your marriage. If the wayward refuses or cannot quite their job, then divorce. Must sever All contact with the affair part
  5. The wayward spouse must get S.T.D tested. Avoid all sexual contact with the wayward spouse—no hysterical bonding.
  6. the betrayed spouse must. Select a good marriage counsellor and set a time and date to begin marital counselling. These terms for reconciling must be strict and should be tolerated. If the spouse refuses, becomes defiant, accuses you of being controlling, etc., then proceed with the divorce.