Confused about hypergamy

fathergoose77 · 2023-04-25T14:26:43+00:00

I can’t advise on the autism bit but I know there are commenters in this sub that have more experience with navigating that.

As for hypergamy, my partner is more educated than me and she makes significantly more money than me, and I am by no means any kind of super fit Adonis with a six pack. We have many shared values though (don’t want kids, politically aligned, science/research nerds, big on nature and animals, shared opinions on finances and how we spend time with each others families) and we are both passionate about our career fields (which is where we met). We also just get along really well, she’s my best friend and we can laugh about anything. This stuff if more important when it comes to dating compared to the RP hypergamy bull Shit talking points.

But you can imagine this would look different if I wanted a more traditional relationship with her staying at home to raise kids - then I probably would need to become the breadwinner to support our family through that. And then some couple continue working and hire childcare or have family/grandparents willing to do childcare while both parents work. So it really depends on what you want out of life and what your partner wants.

There’s no way to know if you actually connect with your crush unless you get to know her more. If she doesn’t like you, it’s not because of hypergamy, it’s because you two just aren’t a good fit and that’s okay.

Best of luck.

Mean_Mechanic9889 · 2023-04-25T17:54:01+00:00

Hypergamy is a made up thing. The logic comes from the fact woman weren't aloud to work or inherit money for most of recent history. So there was a physical impossibility of them marrying into less money than them lols they weren't legally aloud to own things at one point!

Now we can earn etc. It's not something the majority care about.

If I was dating someone who earned more I'd probably let them be in more control of decisions when they're paying. And dating some who earn less I'd expect to be in more control of financial decisions. I am a girl, but this is just me. We're all unique.

Shoot your shot :) if she's not interested atleast you'll never have to wonder what if :)

MediumBaseball5339 · 2023-04-25T12:06:27+00:00

Do you recognize that you're being insecure, and therefore are thinking that you should be overcompensating in other areas such as you've mentioned?

Your autism is not the reason why you cannot get a decent job. My colleague is autistic and he's very well paid in his job in IT. Your issue is based on anxiety and lack of self belief, self worth, and confidence.

And as for the hypergamy perspective, you have to understand that you've been looking at it wrong. If you've gone deep into the red pill, TRP will have told you that all women will settle for someone who is better than you if she supposedly realises you don't have the same to offer compared to the next man who might have a better job, a bigger dick, more funny, better looks etc. This is a total lie. There is no secret drive in women to do such a thing. The red pill is preying on your insecurities.

A woman will however be repelled by a man's insecurity and negative experiences she has with him due to his negative mentality towards her where he always checks up on her, controls her, tries to make decisions in her place, taking away her autonomy. If this is you, think about what might happen.

Over time, based on what you've learned in the red pill in terms of hypergamy, the wall and all that nonesense, you'll create your own negative self fulfilling prophecy without realising whatsoever. She will leave you as a result of your internal insecurities and problems that you were totally unaware of.

All the while, you'll think: "OMG the red pill was right! Women do leave men like me for better guys!" -totally unaware that you caused it. We can go deeper - you'll have been taught narcissism by the red pill over time. This blinds you to your own insecurities. Instead, you'll be thinking that you're an 'alpha male'.

anthonyrecenello · 2023-04-25T18:37:44+00:00

So hypergamy isn’t some biological thing women have.

Everyone is different. Some people are more shallow than others.

Being good at dating isn’t about making everyone attracted to you. It’s how good you are at finding the right people.

You’re looking in the wrong places. If you have a crush, it tells me you’re not regularly meeting women.

So go out and find places where there are women you get along well with.

SweelFor- · 2023-04-25T19:01:57+00:00

Real life is not an RPG video game. You can't take 3 arbitrary characteristics of two people and ask "does this work"?

Verificus · 2023-04-25T16:47:25+00:00

I don’t think it’s about money. The brain doesn’t know what money is and that’s not how the evolutionary psychology behind hypergamy works.

It’s about passion and ambition. It is masculine to be assertive, to go for what you want and then to succeed in getting it. If you live like that there is no reason to forever stay on a low income. If your SO in the future would want to stay at home with kids you need to be able to keep the family a float. In situations where this isn’t relevant, no kids and SO is a lawyer or business owner etc. it matters not if you invest an equal or more amount of time and effort in trying to get the maximum out of your own career. Otherwise, men with jobs in certain fields would stay unmarried forever and always get cheated on and this is of course not the case.

Realize though, if you are crushing on an 8/10 lawyer and you yourself are a 2/10 walmart employee, you gotta ask yourself if it is reasonable to even consider this woman an option (as an example). No one can get everyone. Not even gigachads.

uniquename1992 · 2023-04-25T20:01:41+00:00

it's about compatibility, not about hypergamy.

xvszero · 2023-04-25T21:55:02+00:00

Hypergamy isn't real, at least, not in the sense of "women will leave you for" blah blah blah. My wife has a PhD and makes more than me, we have been together for 13 years and our relationship is great.

I'm not even particularly fit either. I mean, I'm not in terrible shape, but I don't have a 6 pack or anything.

HaveALittleGrace · 2023-04-25T12:38:35+00:00

Adding to Medium's comment, now that I understand my own autism: the power of autism lies in finding where your super power is (not all cases, of course). In many cases our hyper-focued interest was something that was conditioned out of us, sometimes with strict punishments that made our brains associate that interest with pain, ostracization, loneliness, fear of not being "normal", shame, guilt, etc.

When you can face that conditioned fear or negative emotions that someone likely forced on you, you can renew that love of it, and give yourself permission to do what you truly, deep inside, desire to do. That, by far, was my worst battle over my own brain and autism. We tend to gravitate towards the things we love and shut out the world. Many see this as not "normal", but sometimes it's the safest thing for us and 100% okay to do!

Sometimes that very thing is the reason why our brains don't go into meltdown mode. Sometimes being forced to socialize with people we don't care for, and be forced to "fake it" just to seem "normal" by the very people we don't even like, is the very thing that sets us off, because autistic people are often more honest than the rest of society, and that in of itself can be triggering! I remember living in that Hell and trying to find lovers excruciating.

While our relationship didn't last because I was far too traumatized to be loved in the way I needed (but didn't know it then), I grew the lady cajones to tell a man I adored that he was way out of my league, made way more money than me, had more of a social life, and aLL oF tHe tHiNgS, but I asked him to give me a shot anyways, despite my autism. I learned that he liked me too! I would not have known had I not spoken up!

I know sometimes that can feel like the worst pain in the world at the moment, but it's actually worse not speaking up and forever wondering what "could have been" or whether she secretly likes you too! You never know unless you try, but when you do try, then you'll know. You can move on from that pain and take another shot elsewhere. Mark Manson's "Models" book talks about a lot of this and I think it'll be really helpful for you for this.

I know it's easier said than done, but she might be secretly waiting for you too because that's what a lot of us women were conditioned to do...so we wait, and wait, and wait. When you do muster up the courage though, I want you to come here and give us an update! You got this! :)

Title	Confused about hypergamy
Author	zyzzspirit
Upvotes	9
Comments	23
Date	April 25, 2023 11:28 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/12ygkgd/confused_about_hypergamy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/confused-about-hypergamy.1216715 https://theredarchive.com/post/1216715

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