And that's something that I have always known even before I was red pill or feminist or anything in between. There are so many things that could be coded as feminine or masculine and sometimes they enter twine.

Sexuality is a strange thing though because we could be easily perceived as something goes through our partner even though we don't see it ourselves. I was out on a couple of dates with this girl I have been seeing recently. Her abusive boyfriend is back in town. For the last three nights of us seeing each other she is in constant worrying and Terror. Apparently he is a jailbird and as we were walking to the store she kept jumping every a car passed us

I'm sensing all types of bad energy from this girl even though I like her so I leave for the night because I don't want to be the cause of her demise for my, especially if she still messing with this guy.

But she mentioned something crazy and it's kind of in its own weird way been helping me detox.

" I'm tired of not dealing with real men. I want a masculine guy like you."

Now keep in mind. I am not masculine at all. I was told I was not going to get any girls growing up because I was not as hard as I looked . But I am in my appearance so I can understand her angle but what's more is how she compared me in this dude.

Real man could literally mean anything, but from being raised by a lot of women who've been through abusive relationships. A real man is usually used as an insult rather than a qualifier. But in this case, a real man is someone who doesn't abuse women

You have to understand for my perspective growing up in the hood, the the guys who girls go for the most usually are the most abusive. My own mother was very abusive to my stepdad and vice versa. My my aunt's husband almost ran her down with his car in front of us one day in our yard.

For my own experience and head Cannon It's usually the most masculine coded guys that are abusive.

In this case she perceives me as a more masculine man because I have an abused a woman. While it is sad that that's how she views it I kind of find it fascinating.

Both feminists and red pill people will tell men that abuse of guys usually overlap with qualities that are attractive and I can understand that. But in this case this girl literally told me that I was masculine. Something that is apparently attractive to women.

But I am not masculine at all and it's one of the biggest reasons why my mental health is so horrible. No matter what I have done I can never feel like I finally become that real masculine man.

I can throw two people over my shoulder. I used to work out daily. I played Sports growing up and did yard work. I've done so many stereotypical masculine things but I never felt I was masculine