really need some help here

RedPillDetox · 2021-04-03T12:12:31+00:00

for context im a 22 year old college guy w practically no experience with women and i feel like im only falling further and further behind. growing up i got picked on constantly since i was very little. people would exclude me from activities. girls would always reject me, call me creepy, and tell me straight to my face that i was hideous. i never had more than 2 or 3 friends. long story short, my teen years were nothing short of complete misery and tbh not much has changed.

then you say

ive always adopted the rational mindset of following the evidence where it leads and every fiber of my being is telling me that im ignoring the truth and that i was just unfortunate enough to have been born into circumstances unfavorable to the dating marketplace, born the wrong race with the wrong personality type.

You can't talk in favor of "evidence" if you don't have real life experience yourself. Do you literally believe everything you read on the internet? Written by a bunch of dudes you have never seen who got all the incentives to lie about how knowlegeble they are (money, ego, etc). Take your own conclusions after dating a handful of women.

"but i can't date"

Well, no nice way to put it without being blunt: If you're that unattractive, like a 2 or a 3, then yeah... "beggars can't be choosers", even then i've seen enough hideous people dating (myself included lmao). If you're at least average then you should eventually get a date (you already said you even got one), just put actual effort into it, actually approaching or investing on social circle, toying around tinder is the same as nothing.

exredpillwoman · 2021-04-03T23:57:53+00:00

Don't give up on account of being asian.

I'm white myself and I prefer asian men and am married to an Asian man.

With the rise of kpop asian men are more popular than they were.

The simple fact however is that most people prefer to date within their race. The whole asian women marrying white men is a myth. The majority of Asian women still marry asian men.

It sounds to me like you could have Aspergers or at least be neuroatypical. You seem to have a lot of problems relating to other people. This is common with the red pill. There are fewer women on the spectrum than men and this creates difficulties in finding a partner who can relate to you and you to her.

My advice is just to put yourself out there and learn to face rejection. In the majority of instances most men ask women out.

There is also definitely truth in couples being similar in attractiveness. If you are going for conventionally attractive girls that are above average and you are some short nerdy guy you won't have much of a chance. This is the red pills best selling point, telling all men they can get hot girls in their 20s. It's a lie.

Inareskai · 2021-04-03T15:47:18+00:00

Most studies show that currently everyone from Milliennials down is having less sex, there's no evidence that men are having less whilst women aren't.

Things like hypergamy are very specific and rely on a culture we no longer live in. Alpha/beta isn't real in the animals the terms came from, let alone humans.

Consider that you are worried precisely because you don't seem to be having the 'typical' experience. It's not use comparing, but if your experiences seem to show RP is true, how does that work when it seems that most other people don't have that experience. If RP were 'true' then we would expect far more people to have your experiences. We'd also expect that more places would be talking about it, that any studies could be replicated, their conclusions could hold up to scrutiny and/that the RP people wouldn't have to misrepresent them. But that's not the case

Keep working with your therapist, slowly but surely.

Yesm3can · 2021-04-03T05:03:58+00:00

You have unfortunately multiple problems culminating to this situation, some you can do nothing with.

First and foremost, it is hard to be a minority, no matter where you are. Whether it is racial, ethnical, religious, etc minority, there is always a sense of vulnerability of being smaller in number and that your position in society still more or less depends on the powerful majority's whims. Not even talking about skin color, just look at how Uyghurs are treated.

I know you must have loved your parents, but they did not prepare you enough for a reality of living as a child growing up being different than most of your peers. This can also of course happened if you grew up in Asia, but in a country where your ethnic is deemed as minority.

I don't want to say that there is a perfect place to live, but there are maybe places, where it will feel easier. I am also not saying that you cannot be a popular minority individual, but I feel those are for kids who were born with the right personality or who were adequately prepared by their realistic parents.

If it comes to it, there is no real reason for relationship, family building and all. We are not in some kind of crisis because a country that has low birthrate can just take immigrants in. Or if you want to be like Japan, just skip the immigration and try to go for automatization instead. You can go through your life not having anything with people and as long as you know where to find food and shelter, you will be alright (depends on the country of course, but you know what I mean.)

There is spermbank if you are a woman who wants to have a kid on your own, there is surrogacy if you are a man who wants to have a kid on your own (and in the not far future, artificial womb). There are enough sex toys to play with one's self, there are no judgement (not as much) for people who are basically spinsters.

OP, if it makes you feel better, at least you live in a place where your individuality is respected. I do not think that your parents expected you to give them grandkids to continue the family name. Not expecting you to be their retirement plan. You are not expected to be personal caretaker if your parents or other family member is very sick. You are not expected to be sole breadwinner because women around you are free to get job instead of being kept home and not allowed to leave without male guardians.

In that way, you are lucky. You are free to do what you please in personal level. You want to apply to work overseas when you are done with college? You can. You want to sign up for volunteer work for some years (preferably after the pandemic and after graduation), you can.

As for your experience with your former gf, whether she used you or not...remember that one of the advice TRP like to give to get over former partner is to 'bang more chicks'. And yet, if they were in the position of the one being used to get over someone, their feelings got hurt. Logically they will just think 'what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Yolo.'

But(!) it might also be that she genuinely liked you at that time.

It might also be that she listened to one of the worst dating advice "just give him/her a chance, even if you do not feel it." Which well...often ended up like your situation, or some deadbedroom situation.

Your problem and concern is real and true and as far as I can see, the most realistic thing you can do is to try to experience different things by yourself and does not involve other people (except in professional/neutral/platonic setting). Look for that job opportunities overseas, what do you think about applying for non-profit? Even trying military? At 22 there are just so many places you can apply to, especially after you are done with your study.

Xemnas81 · 2021-04-03T21:34:41+00:00

Hey dude, I'm really sorry to hear this. It is indeed difficult being an ethnic minority in a white-dominant culture.

Have you considered just socialising without going in for dates? Like...try 6 months talking to people. I know it's hard, but the first thing I sense you need is a positive feedback loop from peers that, even if you are a virgin, you're not 'low social status'...and even if you are, *it doesn't matter*.

of course you need internal validation too, that's where therapy comes in. So that you can self-soothe in these times of distress.

Potato-Psychological · 2021-04-04T19:15:20+00:00

I've heard your type of story many times. Invariably it's some guy who there really isn't anything wrong with, but who doesn't put himself out there. If you're just interested in sex, screen for that and let it be known.

Plenty of women are just like men in that regard. They are down with someone saying "I want to pound your ass" after a short date. However as long as you don't initiate, nothing is going to happen.

zeroicemaze · 2021-04-03T05:01:17+00:00

look the truth of the matter is woman do love differently then men do and honestly it should be like that because its a way of nature making sure men are held accountable you want a hot gf and a family?why would you get it while your a bum with no money and no job? well its time to put the time and effort into proving why your worth it to these woman and push forward like a warrior. time to put forth some effort go to the gym fix finances aim for 6 figures time to push forward and live life like a man. prove not to woman but your self your worth it. that's what woman want not a guy who relies on them but a man who they can rely on to lead the family to the future of security for your children you don't need a pill for that or anything else. its just common sense.

TheDankestPrince · 2021-04-03T03:20:49+00:00

You indian too huh?

Title	really need some help here
Author	Potato-Psychological
Upvotes	1
Comments	32
Date	April 3, 2021 2:59 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/mizz2f/really_need_some_help_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/really-need-some-help-here.778680 https://theredarchive.com/post/778680

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