The Solution

Jamonde · 2020-02-12T20:42:16+00:00

Second this!

Also, talk to people in real life; a consistent theme with a lot of us is that we sometimes have trouble making meaningful connections in real life. You must practice doing this consistently to both get better at it, and make the relationships we need. There’s not an easy out to hard work. But the rewards are more than worth it.

brahmidia · 2020-02-12T22:04:12+00:00

Or specifically, we can't solve someone's depression in a public thread about redpill ideology where they try to prove to us that women are superficial and they're ugly. Maybe if the thread was about how to deal with depression we could get somewhere but we can't even get that far if we're constantly getting hung up arguing about statistics about dating demographics.

It's depression and anxiety that is telling RP people that they should prove to the world that they're unlovable and that the world hates them. But as long as a person is engaged in an activity like that they'll either be depressed that they've proven themselves right or depressed that they've been proven wrong. It's a losing proposition. A depressed person needs to find a way to flip the script on their negative self-talk and find reasons why there's good in the world, reasons to live outside of just the opposite sex, reasons why they're pretty cool. Then we can talk about how and why to kick depression's butt and move on.

coffeetablestain · 2020-02-13T19:53:06+00:00

A lot of young guys (who spend too much time online) get locked into this mindset that there's a "system" with steps to follow which will lead to some kind of fulfillment.

When in reality these are just very sad dudes. Not like "lets pity these jerks" but really just sad.

I'm no stranger to depression, and remember at the worst depths of my own life-and-death struggle thinking that I would give anything for a simple, step-by-step guide to feeling like a comfortable human being again. A system to follow so the world stop treated me like shit.

And it's really, really easy to feel like a victim when you're unhappy with life. You latch onto those feelings of isolation, of being taken advantage of by those who have more than you. You feel that the people closest to you cannot relate because they're fed up with your "weakness" and "emotion."

Is it any wonder some guys without a social support system or a close bond with family will turn to a cynical and obtuse system of dealing with other people? Especially if there are so many people shilling for it, espousing that it "works" simply because they themselves are also deeply miserable and NEED it to work so badly that they will put on TRP-tinted lenses to view the world?

There are also plenty of people who have a hard time with social cues. You don't have to have a condition like autism to have this kind of difficulty, many people have such a hard time with figuring out all the nuances of dealing with other people. I'm middle-aged, married, work in a huge, successful company every day, talk to dozens or hundreds of people a day, and still feel like I'm faking it daily. We all feel that way, which is a fact that not many people really understand, and even if they do, don't know how to use that knowledge to connect with others. There are no "alphas" just people who can do some things better than others, or some people who are better at hiding their insecurity than others.

For people who are spiraling between depression and anger, they will absolutely look for "alternatives" to things, for answers, for solutions, and in a way that appeals to their cynicism and pain by validating those negative feelings and saying that it's not you that has a problem, in fact your dark feelings are actually the only thing that's accurate, the rest of the world is out of order and fake!

Tie all this with the ridiculous sex drive you have when you're between 17 and your late 20's and you have a recipe for some really biased views of the world.

We can't offer alternatives. There is no "we" even. Just some people here who saw Redpill and came to understand that it's a cult, a con-job, it's essential oils and multi-level marketing on a more abstract level. We know it to be this, but like with any pyramid scheme or cult, we cannot offer an alternative "better" cult to join, all we can do is warn you all that it's a scam, and the best alternative is to not get involved in it, and if you are, get out before it's too late.

OWThrowie · 2020-02-18T13:50:47+00:00

The problem is that in the broad strokes, TRP highlights some larger social changes that have been brewing for decades.

God is Dead as Nietzsche puts it. We're basically tearing down the larger overarching structures in society and aren't really putting anything back up to replace it. The ideas that held up relationships, religion, romance, marriage, undying self-less love, are all myths being hollowed out by modern society.

We are all running as individuals and going back to more basic, primal motivators. TRP kinda overstates and really leans into hating and blaming women, but there is no one to blame. The changes brought on by technology and social change can't be reversed and no one person could have stopped it if we tried.

The biology behind these urges changes in the order of eons.

Individual women (like individual men) can make rational decisions and go against their biological urges but, in large numbers, people tend to follow them.

For men, the social reasons for committing to a relationship are decreasing.
The availability of sex alternatives is increasing.
- Sex Work is being destigmatized and will soon be decriminalized
- Pornography is ubiquitous.
- Destigmatizing of FWB and "complicated" (ie: low commitment) relationships
For women, there is a push away from starting a family towards career and less stigma for staying single and childless or being a single mother.
Social media pushes people to be unhappy with a life people would have been otherwise happy with.
Dating apps make finding an alternative to your current relationship situation cheap and easy.
Increasing households are divorced and dysfunctional. Children of these dysfunctional homes often lack the skills to resolve conflicts, set boundaries, and the skills for creating solid functional long term relationships.

All of these things add up to a situation where LTR relationships are harder to find, hard to maintain and less of a guide on how to do anything. Even if there was someone to write a guidebook, it's impossible because each person is basically coming as individuals without many social cues on what do, what they can expect. All of that is kinda being torn down and nothing is in its place.

It doesn't really matter because all of those memes (religion, romance, marriage, self-less love) were just myths grafted onto biological motivators. Everything, if you look closely enough, is absurd and arbitrary.

The traditionalists are wrong. We can't go back. You will have greater overall unhappiness.

More and more men will not stack up to the standards of their female counterparts. More and more women will either compete for men they are happy with or feel like they are settling. This settling feeling will only be sharpened by social media, having women compare their everyday life with all of their friends' highlight reels. Monogamy will become harder and harder to come by because for men alternatives for sex will be widely available. Legalization and destigmatization of sex work will make it easy for single young men to have regular sex on demand. Now I don't know what's going to happen there. It might be legal and still very stigmatized or there might not be enough market for it but, if something like Tinder but, with payments became ubiquitous, it could be very different from what with think of now as relationships.

Lastly

Need a clear life navigation system? Create your own, tailored to your own reality.

SEE A THERAPIST

Creating a clear life navigation system is easier said than done. Most don't question every assumption nor do they build a worldview from scratch. Not that there is one on offer that doesn't have contradictions and arbitrary decisions built-in. This includes anything that MGTOW or TRP advocates for.

It's easy to poke holes and deconstruct things, it's proving to be much harder to build things back up.

Somerandomguy5800999 · 2020-02-13T21:13:53+00:00

Honestly I think coming here too much for exredpillers would be bad. There are smug assholes here just like the ones TRP warns about. They're the exact type of person that makes someone stick with TRP out of anger and feeds into a confirmation bias about TRP being right.

My advice is to barely go to reddit for life advice at all. People are too busy circlejerking their opinions on reddit on ANY sub. You'll only find the right answer from particularly smart people like some therapists.(not all, the idea that a therapist will help no matter what is bullshit. There are a lot of terrible therapists) and your own life experience. Trying to figure out shit when every reddit community will downvote or harass you for different views will NOT help you. Reddit's system does not allow for diversity of views in any subreddit no matter how progressive or free thinking they say they are. You'd get just as much help on reddit as you would 4chan.

Title	The Solution
Author	Rad1Red
Upvotes	68
Comments	23
Date	February 12, 2020 8:07 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/f2x62u/the_solution/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/the-solution.333241 https://theredarchive.com/post/333241

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