Is "red pilled" "passionate love" possible?..How did you get your "motivation" for dating back, after you got red pilled?
so, after my red pill rage... and through meditation and stuff.. i am now pretty content with the idea of being single forever, since learning that men who go for long term relationships are unattractive... "gyow"
to be honest, my N count is crazy high, mostly "fat chicks" (not really but, you know, not 10s LOL) , but enough to not really give a f about dating today because of the immense amount of effort involved...
see, the problem was that my "shtich" was always the lover-boy-hippy type.... i loved to MAKE LOVE, be open, blah blah... i mean, to be honest, it wasn't a shtick, i was authentically, a really loving person.... i was raised by feminism, and i always "made love" rather than "fuck".... cuddling with someone you are emotionally connected to is the best sex, because, you keep wanting to fuck even after already cumming like 5 times... i would always make sure to leave the chick with an orgasm... ANYWAY...
for me, the best type of sex to me was like, passionate loving...
but now that im a lil older, got red pilled, and i realize how everything is a game... realizing that, there is always another "lover" waiting in the wings.... iuno, im not really MOTIVATED anymore without the possibility of "LOVING" involved..
Do I need to kill this idea?
How do I do it?
"LOVE" was a powerful motivator, much bigger than fucking by itself... but im trying to grow up, and just learn to fuck. How do I do this?
I think the other way to ask this, is, did the red pill kill my motivation to game? LOL
[–]chofferblower3 points4 points5 points (15 children) | Copy Link
Hold on... what led you to take the red pill in the first place ?
[–]controlnthenarrative[S] -2 points-1 points0 points (14 children) | Copy Link
experience with women throughout life
[–]chofferblower2 points3 points4 points (13 children) | Copy Link
Could you be more specific maybe ?
[–]controlnthenarrative[S] -1 points0 points1 point (12 children) | Copy Link
i dont really want to debate red pill ideology anymore... ive done that enough... i thought this was a place where people know about rp ideology, don't strawman it, and try to live a positive life after being red pilled.
[–]chofferblower4 points5 points6 points (11 children) | Copy Link
This is not, and I highly doubt a place like this exists considering the intoxication factor of the thing. You either stay in the cult-like loop of social validation and try to survive or purge. I don’t really see another way.
You’re dreading. That’s a fact. There shouldn’t even be any debate. Let survive mode kick in.
[–]controlnthenarrative[S] 0 points1 point2 points (10 children) | Copy Link
nah ive already gone through that and made peace with the red pilled world.
im an ex-feminist btw, probably have read more feminists then most people can even name.
"red pilled" for leftists, is basically the idea that your relationships are not free from capitalism.
this is what "unpaid emotional labor" did. atomize all relationships into a cost benefit analysis.
this is why feminists are trying to normalize prostitution.
[–]chofferblower2 points3 points4 points (9 children) | Copy Link
Wow. You just spilled a whole lot of crap I can’t really get it straight.
Marxist feminism states that a capitalistic society consider women as a commodity that it gets to control and even sometimes trade. It’s not that your relationship is not free from capitalism, it is that our culture literally reduced women to their breeding and house keeping capabilities and organised around this.
But hey, guess what. You can actually work on yourself to see past that ! To see your SO as a full human being instead of a baby incubator broom oven chimera and allow her to contribute to society the same way you’d do as a man. Crazy right ? Of course if you do this in a capitalistic system it leads them to the whole array of awful things that paid workers have to deal with but hey, at least they wouldn’t be reduced to basically a fucking gamete reactor.
Now it’s true that the realisation and subsequent rejection of unpaid emotional labour got everyone to reconsider relationships representations. But again, guess what ? If you’re actually willing to do your share of UEL to balance the relationship, and you’re both up for the deal, you can still get into LTR ! Because emotional labour’s quality improves with emotional bonding and specific knowledge about people, it’s not so easily replicated with a sex worker ! Crazy aswell right ?
Also, this is not really the reason why people conceive relationships as transactional. Life is. It’s an effective thinking framework. As for the currency traded, you’d be surprised at what people find enjoyable out there, there’s a wiiiiide spectrum of potential transactions to be made. Most of the time tho, being genuinely thoughtful and interesting gets the deal sealed.
I almost feel like you’re nostalgic of the full fledged household slavery time. That doesn’t seem much feminist, and I’m pretty sure it didn’t started yesterday.
As for why feminists want to normalise SW, that’s definitely not the prime reason that comes to my mind. SW’s health (mental and physical) and safety is usually the first argument, as well as restoring women’s control over their body in all its dimensions. Being able to subsequently monetise it is only a bonus for those who care.
Now, if the only thing you have to bring to the table is cash... what can I say ? Pay ?
[–]controlnthenarrative[S] 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
why do you think they say that overthrowing capitalism won't end the patriarchy? because, babe, women aren't golddiggers because we live in a capitalistic society.... women are golddiggers despite the fact that we live in a capitalist society....
the consideration of unpaid emotional labor turned all relationships into a neoliberal exchange value. now while the women count how many diapers they change, men started counting how many gutters they cleaned.. now all relationships, are pure business ventures...
the biggest lie of feminism is that "capitalism is allied to the patriarchy" (comes from engles) but none of these feminists pay attention to what the conservatives say, because they don't read them.... for the conservatives, (like leo strauss), the family was meant to be a "sacred space" free from market driven decisions...
feminists thought they were arguing that the personal is political... but what they really did was destroy the "public sphere" and turned all our relationships into emotional labor calculations... ie... the personal is now capital.
without feminism, neoliberalism couldn't have had the moral authority to destroy vast amounts of cultures around the world and replace them with capitalism. this is why neoliberal feminism is the norm today... but all feminism, at least any feminism that argues in terms of emotional labor, is neoliberal. why was gloria steinham in the CIA?
feminists normalize prostitution because it is connected to their emotional labor argument, they are unwittingly on the frontlines of what neoliberals and libertarians wanted to do for a very long time, the commodification of land, water, and air... but they did something much worse, the commodification of our emotions.
without feminism, neoliberalism could not have taken over the world today.
ask yourself, why was hannah arendt NOT a feminist? It was because of this.
[–]chofferblower0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
That's some fucked up societal reading you got yourself here.
The consideration of unpaid emotional labor overthrown what previously was a fucking master-slave relationship. No matter how sacred it was considered, and how much it should therefor have been protected, it doesn't change the fact that we, as a society, deciced to end those kind of interpersonnal relationships decades ago. I'd take neo-liberal over that in a single heartbeat, for many more reasons than sheer morality.
Beside, you also completely missed my point about the currencies traded. It's not always about diapers and gutters. There's a difference between theorising relationship as transactionnal, and actually being able to effectively model those transactions. It's not only about who does the chores or who feeds the baby. It's about producing happiness through intimate knowledge, thoughtfulness and social intelligence. Being an enjoyable person, further specialised in being enjoyable to someone through shared experiences and specific trait matching.
Now, since there aren't computing processes or devices powerful enough to deal with this kind of complexity, you either have people using a simplistic model and being subsequently materialistic, and I agree those are unpleasant, or people who drop the whole transactional framework altogether to experience things, let the marvel that is the brain do the processing to the best of its capabilities and inform them through emotions. While ultimately transactional in a sense, this hardly qualifies to this denomination to me. It's just people unleashed from enforced relationship models.
As for SWs, I stand for what I said, this is not why most feminists are trying to normalise it. The commodification of emotions is only a by product of the process, not an actual goal. The funny thing is that, such tactics are actually exploiting our tendencies to objectify women and see them as impotent objects rather than human beings. The moment you stop doing that, there's no commodifying your emotions.
Beside, capitalism actually comodified our emotions a long time ago, through advertisement. Really, there's nothing new here. It's just that now, the everywoman can go on onlyfans and ask you for 10 bucks a month to text you like you think a girlfriend should text you. She got the control back of the object you made out of her body. I find it absolutely fair. You're free to not do that. If there's no one to buy, there's nothing to sale.
Now don't get me wrong, I agree that the labor men now have to provide is significantly more important than when we would force-marry the neighbour's daughter, impregnant her with children that wouldn't bear her name and treat her like a goddamn object. And we all have to adjust to that, and we were not prepared, and its definitely bumpy and difficult especially for non-neurotypical people who benefit the most from normalized relationship formats. You can't afford being a selfish douchebag anymore if you want an emotionnaly fulfilling relationship. That's doesn't mean it's not possible to have one.
This is not an argument, you're gonna need to develop further on that. Capitalism is voracious enough on its own, it definitely doesn't need feminist to spread havoc. Summoning Gloria Steinham's position in CIA in this context definitely has a conspiracy theory flair that is not pleasing to see.
[–]controlnthenarrative[S] 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
it really doesn't matter.
when anthropologists went into other countries to study peoples, did they think that their research was going to further colonialism? well, in fact, their research was invaluable to colonial conquest.
lets compare this to the scientists who knew that their research was going to be used to create nukes, now they are real heroes because many did almost everything they could to stop it... anyway, this is a crazy history.
> Beside, capitalism actually comodified our emotions a long time ago, through advertisement.
read Eva Illouz on emotional capitalism... these are all novel developments. capitalists, libertarians, ayn rand people, they always wanted to do this, but they never fully succeeded UNTIL the self-proclaimed LEFTIST feminists opened the door to make this a reality.
> emotionally fulfilling relationship.
not possible now that relationships = exchange value;
yeah you gotta read examples of feminists going into other peoples cultures, changing peoples traditions, and normalizing individualism (in the name of female bodily autonomy), making the cultures ripe for capitalist exploitation.
one good example feminist buddhists.
capitalism isn't allied to patriarchy. feminism is.
[–]chofferblower2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
It does when it comes to the social narrative we make out of it. The possibility to commodify emotions really is a meager price to pay to overthrow household slavery, especially considering you are free to engage in it or not. Intentionaly planning it would definitely have a more bitter aftertaste, even tho the results would be the same.
I get your point. The thing is that today's feminism actually tries to also overthrow that, instead of enforce it like you seem to imply. Illouz's point, from what I red from her, is that romantic relationships, and especially women considering the gender disparity of buying power, are leveraged as consumptions vectors by capitalism. Today's feminism tries to rip through that by deobjectifying women and relationships, and therefor the possibility to leverage them as consumption argument. Of course it's an ongoing process, dating is still a significant market, and I agree it's unpleasant, but I wouldn't blame feminism for that, especially nowadays.
Yeah, definitely possible, experiencing that everyday through my relationships. You decide the grid you use to read your relationships. I choose to not read it as an exchange of value I can fathom, I let my emotions tell me if I'm getting my share of value out of the thing. Sometimes I'd swear I'm wasting my time goofying around, and yet I'm happy, so I keep rolling. Boom, simple as that.
That's not a problem with feminism but with capitalism. I'm positive any societal value would have done the trick of legitimizing such actions, as it already did throughout history. It's capitalism's opportunism to its finest. Of course value progressism is a perfect alibi, but I'm really not sure such an alibi was needed in the first place.
Everything is allied to capitalism if it gets the narrative to stick. The thing is amoral and opportunistic, it doesn't care a second about the material it warps to fit its narrative.
[–]controlnthenarrative0 points [recovered] | Copy Link
we are going to have to disagree here. household work can be done by robots in a couple years time. its not even an issue.
also, ive lived in anarchist communes where we would get fed feminist logic once a week, and bashed on for our MANARCHISM....
there was a study where even in consciously feminist spaces, women were doing more work. it led me to believe that its not that men aren't doing less household work, because even in these spaces where men would put 200% effort, women would STILL complain. women have different standards for what CLEAN is. a dude can sit in an empty room with a chair and TV and be happy. female insecurity, on the other hand, is insatiable.
but I wouldn't blame feminism for that
You know why I blame feminism? because they refuse to acknowledge that stockholm syndrome is real, and they shut down conversations, deplatforming people... i protested jordan peterson... but where did that get us?in fact, feminist literature itself is now an echochamber... the only person that is making arguments like i am now is ZIZEK...
when the book "preliminary materials about a theory of a young girl" came out, feminists called it misogyny ,. i always wondered why... now i know. its because women wanted to have their cake and eat it too... they want to stop being objectified, but continue their right to objectify men.
not only do feminists shut out vast amounts of womens voices, they have put the left into a malaise of constant civil war... do you remember when MANSPREADING was a bigger issue than inequality?
Look, you may be a muscley tall dude that doesn't have to worry utility, what they call a "blue pill alpha" in the manosphere... but me? i don't have such luxuries.
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feminists have normalized a society of alpha widows, prostitution, and single mothers. making love is now unpaid emotional/sexual labor.
if you are happy with this because you are a blue pill alpha, congrats. but if youre under shorter and poorer, well then, no wonder why so many working class people are voting right. they dont want their tax money to be subsidizing this kind of society.
[–]chofferblower2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
I'm not only talking about household work. I'm talking about subsidience, actual UEL like being caring, child care, among other things. Those things are way better shared between partners, especially for child related matters but that's vast and complex subject.
Guessed it or not, we actually kinda agree on that. However, I kinda ended up understanding the why of the situation by educating myself about male priviledge and ideas spreading. The first one got me to understand the deep inequality that our society is built upon, and the urgent need we have to unweave it. The second made me understand that there's kinda no other way than the mess that this is, that people cling on easy to grasp and repeat ideas and don't always fathom the consequences of their action. That's why I think it's important that we build as of today a decent, peaceful men's liberation movement, that understands that now is not the time to silence other voices, but that this time might come. It kinda already is happening actually, so I'm not really scared.
And to be fair, I don't think we can say that manspreading was a bigger issue than inequality. It was a viral trend, that people got caught up to and polarized conservatives because of the absurdity factor. I don't remember academics making a big deal out of it, beyond studying it as a phenomenom.
Oh, I swear to you dude, I'm not a blue pill alpha. I'm a middle class dude that got his heart broken like bad shit just like everyone else in this room, and got to rebuild it from scratch. I agree I'm not the least priviledged, but I definitely don't get relationships through my money or social status muscle. And considering I basically don't stand up from my chair for more than an hour a day, I'll let you guess the state of my actual muscles.
The thing is that I'm actually studying social psychology, as well as other branches as a hobby, and the red pill just seems too sketchy to me heuristically. It just fills of the boxes of any fringe ideas as Bronner would describe them, and that helps my mind stay away from it.
To be honest, I splurged on the pill too at some point. I negged and dreaded, and because my parents are actually anti-social fuckers, I actually got the basics even before properly discovering it. You know what that did ? Dread. Dread, dread and even more dread because I think the sane mind isn't able to abide to it. The mental gymnastic it requires you to do to deny your empathy and pro-social tendencies is just too much. I'm sure some guys get value out of it, as Skinner boxes and emotional abuse tactics are a thing, and some people even get them naturally. But the everyman with functionning mirror neurons simply can't go down this path, and I don't think he should. For him, there's the everywoman with also functionning mirror neurons that he's able to truly bond with now that she is also considered a human.
The reality is that I just read shit, and make funny jokes sometimes, and make a fool of myself some other times, and I desperately need to connect with people on an emotionnal level whatever that means because when I don't, I feel like I'm deperishing inside. Yes, neoliberalist culture is a super hostile place for me, and I bet it is for you too. Yet, that's no reason for me to surrender to it. I may be short armed, but the length of my sleeves is for me to determine. You can say I'm going my own way in a sense, it's just that my way is not full of bitterness and welcome the women I meet that don't see me as a reducible transactional agent. I'll give it to you, they ain't legion, but there's plenty enough, and women liberation movements bring plenty more everyday, and I feel so good when I meet them it's definitely worth the ride.
[–]controlnthenarrative0 points [recovered] | Copy Link
i agree with you on this, but if emotional labor is to be a commodity, what are we raising that child for?
dude, trust me im well read enough to understand the "why" about manspreading... it is the fact that im well read, is the reason why im so confident that feminism is indeed cancer.
Ah interesting, so here, just like how you characterized/dismissed the neoliberal tendancies of feminism as a coping mechanism, this is exactly how i see the red pill. all these guys, just like me, are upset. they are upset that not that red pill strategy exists, they are upset that red pill strategy WORKS.
thats why its scalled the RED PILL... we all want to be blue pill guys again, like cypher from the matrix, but we cant...
again, how many times have i gotten laid for being a superficial turd, vs how many times have i gotten laid for being my authentic self?
yES, men in many ways are problematic.... but the reason ive switched sides... is because, women are not given ANY responsibility AT ALL for the BS that they add to the system. im just out here leveling the playing field.
if golddiggers are a symptom, at least have the decency to call red pillers a symptom too! but then again, this kind of selective shaming, is no different than what trump supporters do.
I agree with you, about the red pill, i think its bad.... MANY RED PILLERS THINK ITS BAD TOO! THEY JUST SEE IT AS THE REALITY TO DEAL WITH... i think its socially not good... but i also think that, BECAUSE OF FEMINISM, normalization of prostitution, single mothers, and alpha widows, men today have NO CHOICE, but do what their "biological imparative" (im not a biological reductionst which is why i use quotes) tells them to do.
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alright thanks for the heartfilled ending... i think we agree on a lot of points here.
[–]chofferblower2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
I never said that gold diggers are not to shame. I don't mind a system enabling them, you can read back, that's all I said. I also think that men by splurging on their offerings enable them aswell, consenting with emotional comodification, and that they are as much to blame as the people offering the service. Beside, I decide to not shame gold diggers myself because I don't know what the female experience is, and what I would do in their situation. However, I empathise with male position so I feel way more legitimate to call them out.
Also, I don't think it's fair to compare girls selling nudes on onlyfans with Shallon Lester type emotional abuse.
Definitely because of capitalism, not feminism, we went over this already. Beside, your argument doesn't hold up if you're not a biological reducionist. You always have a choice. Anger and bitterness is on you. Self-determination is on you. Hurting people is on you. I'm not upset that it works, it actually makes me sad. I empathise with people that have to face it, emotional abuse is a plague that we all should get proper education about. It leaves mind scares that sometimes never go away, yet are completely invisible. Some people don't care but I do.
Also, when I talk about mental gymnastic, I don't mean intellectual effort. I mean you have to ignore a whole lot of pain coming from your Limbic System basically forever. Can we really say that it does work when the thing makes you miserable ? Isn't the ultimate goal to be happy ?
You're completely ignoring the existing imbalance in the system between genders. The male langage, the male gaze, the double standard, the everyday sexism among many many other things. Of course both sides add toxicity to the system, of course men face impossible standards aswell, unacceptable suicide rate, self-harming toxic masculinity, denial of their mental health issue and the list goes on. But right now, it's for women to have the main stage, and for good reason. Not acknoledging that is delusionnal.
Here's an idea. You definitely seem to have some unspoken feelings so how about working them out first instead of blaming people for being shallow ? I know that helped me a lot in making my company more enjoyable. Even people seeking for organic relationships don't have a nice moment with spiteful people. See what I mean ? There's a Mr Nice Guy vibe to this that I think you definitely need to work on to make healthy relationships work.
[–]virussolussum0 points [recovered] | Copy Link
Dude wouldn't bother, I'd expect your comment to get removed entirely.
They have a perfect narc clust. b splitting as a norm here. Quite carefully ignored the most critical and child abusive point, those things don't go unnoticed do they. Especially by last generations kids of mothers just like them, maybe theirs were the 'nice ones' that just protected the ones that tortured their sons. Some quite literally, its quite the way to break them of patriarchal behaviours do it early enough and its never a worry again..
If men were the Armenians, then this is Turkey a few months after the European educators arrived, before The Young Turks named themselves.
They don't see them selves as part of the dyad, you can't authentically connect to them without submission to their ideologies which are not explicit to 'exredpill'. but good luck lol.
[–]MRadzi3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
People underestimate how DIFFICULT dating is, and then seek some higher power or new ideology as a quick fix for their problems. There is no quick fix.
Think about it for a second. You are trying to convince A COMPLETE STRANGER to commit their time, loyalty, resources and emotions to you. It's a big ask, a huge one. Which is why it only ever works when that person is on the same wavelength as you.
Now with almost indefinite numbers of iterations of experiences, genes and cultures that make up a person, the chances of you finding someone with that wavelength are very low. Now narrow it down further by factoring in both party's sexual preferences and it's even lower.
So trust me when I say you are going to meet more than a handful of undesirables before you find someone you vibe with, or even at least tolerate. It's just simple statistics, and one thing I liked about the redpill is how it helped get rid of the Disney fueled notion of love at first sight. No. If you want to find diamonds, you have to dig past a shit tonne of dirt.
So my point is, don't give up and turn to the redpill because of those bad experiences. We've all been there, and come out of it worse for wear. You saw how they treated you, and as the compassionate person you say you are, can you imagine treating others like that?
Yes, there maybe aspects of yourself that you need to change. Perhaps you need to learn to be more assertive in getting the love you want, rather than passively expecting it to be reciprocated. You also need to be able to walk away from people who will treat you like a back up. This however is more just normal human nature than a gender specific thing.
I'd suggest you read No more Mr nice guy! If you haven't already. That book, whether or not you're the "nice guy" that it describes, will change the way you see relationships, romantic or not, and you will realise that unless you are in the saddle at all times, you will almost always be taken advantage of. That's it. No redpill toxicity required
[–]RedPillDetox6 points7 points8 points (7 children) | Copy Link
If you were already getting laid and you loved women and were happy with your life i have no fucking clue how you turned to red pill. As you can see, it only hurted you.
[–]controlnthenarrative[S] -5 points-4 points-3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
because, at the end of the day, as i realized, i was always a backup guy. i was always an emotional refuge for women who have been left by guys out of their league.
the problem today is that people want what they can't have, and once they get what they wanted, they think they can do better. and the internet has given us low attention spans.
so we live in a time when the only possible out, is to never really commit, especially since, with the smallest mistake, your gf can pick up tinder, f a bunch of dudes as "revenge", and what are you supposed to do?
red pill ideology isn't for incels. red pill ideology comes from experience, nobody teaches you this. we just fall into it after gaining experience.
the number of times ive gotten laid for being superficial vs the number of times ive gotten laid for being authentic speaks to this.
and now im kinda just mgtow.
and as you can see on /r/ask TRP, guys are SUPER SUCCESFUL using red pilled strategy... and they downvoted me for being a "lover boy" and called it cringe.
these red pill guys are, even with all the feminist ranting against fukbois, they are STILL SUCCESSFUL LOL.
and feminists HATE nice guys like me.
so romantic boys like me either gotta learn to go MGTOW, or like im asking how to do, kill the idea of love and become a dude who just F***CKS.
its not the existence of pickup/redpill ideology that is sad... .the sad part is that it works.
[–]RedPillDetox4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Red Pill has this gift of turning seemingly innocuous behavior as exploitative or immoral. First things firts, everybody, no matter if man or woman, always had "that one that got away" and everybody has always been used in dating at some point. Its only natural for people to seek comfort on decent others that may give them what they're looking for. I see this as simply moving on from heartache and looking for a new connection that makes you cope with your past. You see this as women "using" you, thanks to red pill. Perspective i guess.
With the slight irony that in your case you were not that friendzoned guy who didn't fuck.
I fucked over 1000 women by being a nice guy. It's not true, but i said it on reddit so that's proof enough i'm succesful lol.
True success is not fucking, it's happiness. Do you prefer to fuck and be miserable or be happy?
[–]controlnthenarrative[S] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
my n count is actually over 1000... and i do believe the people on trp when they say so
[–]half_recent2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
I can definitely relate to this sort of thing. I'm similar. I think an irrefutable part of the red pill is that you need to have value as a person to be loved. Its not even women too, anybody who dates is looking for someone who's their best option. Someone who's entertaining, good looking etc.
You gotta give some credit to fuckboys though, they go for what they want. They don't apologise for it. I don't think you have to be an asshole to get what you want. Just be straightforward. If you wanna fuck, say so. At least in the right circumstances lmao.
I guess it depends what you want. I've come to the conclusion that no woman is worth my peace of mind or my personality. I'm not ecstatically happy being alone, but it's a whole lot better than wasting my time with someone that isn't worth it.
Maybe you're doing something wrong bro, in my opinion a lot of dating advice is bullshit. If you're looking for a fun LTR just follow Mark Manson's Models. Talk to as many girls as possible, be cool, max out your looks, don't compromise your own personality and create an interesting life for yourself.
[–]controlnthenarrative[S] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
i have no problems with game.
my problem is my MOTIVATION for game has always been like, "falling in love"... but I can't really do that if I'm constantly objectified for my utility.
Ever gone out on a date when a girl asks if my house is paid off or not?
Yo, that shit is a mojo KILLER for me.
I am just trying to grow up and deal with the reality of objectification while still being able to love...
just doesn't seem worth it though.
[–]half_recent0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
I know what you're talking about. You're on a date with a girl and she treats you like an object. Next her, she's not relationship material.
You can meet people congrats. Now the bitter reality is meeting people you're on the same wavelength with is difficult. Making good friends is difficult and dating especially as a guy is difficult. Even if you meet these people, it doesn't guarantee that they'll stay.
If you wanna create that connection with somebody you need to be persistent and patient. Sounds like you're burnt out, I've been there. Trying to game all the time is counterintuitive, and it fucks you up mentally. Take a break and do what makes you happy for a bit bro. You can come back to it later.
If you have standards and talk to the right people it won't be exhausting.
[–]MRadzi2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I honestly feel like you can only be treated like an object if you let yourself be. I've been there too, the loving compassionate guy, and got walked all over.
Setting boundaries, communicating your desires and realising that no one is entitled to special allowances from you unless they earn it is important. More important however is the ability to walk away from people who don't respect your desires.
This is true not just in love, but in life
[–]medlabunicorn0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
You’re a philandering fuckboi, not a ‘nice guy.’ Jesus.
Find yourself a high-n woman and get into an open relationship, because there is zero chance of you being monogamous.
[–]controlnthenarrative[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
i wish i could be poly but poly groups are swarming with a lot of new age ideas, traumatized people and feminisms that are not taken with a grain of salt
[–]medlabunicorn0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s all you have left, dude. That, or swingers in their 60’s or 70’s.
Any woman with ‘traditional’ ideals isn’t going to touch you with a 10 foot pole, so you’re going to have to either keep being a fuckboi until your looks are gone (and fading looks, honestly, is the reason a lot of philanderers suddenly decide they want ‘love,’) or get real with the groups of people who tolerate that kind of lifestyle. For that matter, even poly groups have rules about sex outside of the group. Could you be more faithful to four women, any more than you could be to one?