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butterflymeadowzz
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
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[–]areyawellFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
masturbating on the front door and into my fucking milk when he broke in
Fucking animal. I'm so sorry. Anyone who tells you to get over it can eat shit. That's some next level violation.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I am so so sorry. Have you heard of EMDR? I suffered from PTSD and it changed my life.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It’s a type of therapy. Studies with war veterans have shown its incredibly effective. I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship with someone - I’ve been in fear for my life when he wasn’t around anymore. But I can’t even imagine how you feel. I got a few calls and emails and I had to move half a world away to feel safe. But everything he did to me was in person, so the cyber contact was less jarring. You must be on your toes constantly. I hope you find peace and he finds a fucking brain eating virus.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Itchy-TransportationFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Seconding emdr! It is so helpful for trauma. Finding a good therapist near you who specializes in trauma could be life changing
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist45 points46 points47 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Oh man, this was me almost two years ago. Healing definitely takes time.
[–]redbirdfliesFDS Disciple23 points24 points25 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
4 months ago for me for the official break up and the healing process is not linear. There are days on end where I don’t even think about him and what he put me through but all it takes is the most random thing to trigger me back to my former traumatized self, then it’s like starting all over again to build myself up again. It’s a harrowing, process. I think it’s going to take at least another year or two for me to heal completely.
All women need to learn the signs of a dangerous man. There are books on it and you can also easily google it. I wish I had known then what I know now. I’d have saved myself so much anguish and pain.
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
So true. It's hard to let go once you've established any connection, but the healing process is so much shorter if you can let go early on. It took me a year or more to even go days without thinking of him. Even now he will randomly pop up in my mind. Lucky for me there were almost no positives to the relationship. Just that stupid fucking bond and how badly I had wanted it to work.
[–]sparkles_goldentailFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It’s always “how badly I wanted it to work” that gets to me!! Like you really put in the effort and work and it doesn’t work out and that’s just such a bummer
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Such a disappointment! I won't be doing that anymore. It either works or it doesn't from now on.
[–]sparkles_goldentailFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yup! I just go with the flow I don’t even allow people to plan too ahead into the future with me! I don’t wanna hear it. No expectations means less disappointment
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've had to learn how to let go of expectations too. I've had to stop thinking they would match by love and effort if I just kept trying. It's a hard realization to internalize but so important.
[–]redbirdfliesFDS Disciple3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“Just the stupid fucking bond and how badly I wanted it to work”. Exact. Same. Ugh. Sorry you had to go through the same turmoil as I did.
[–]Lu_If_Youre_AskingFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not sure this will help at all, or if you'll remember in the moment.... BUT.... I've learned to instinctually ask myself "how wrong was he?" / "what did I learn from that?" then praise myself for the growth (even for just remembering to ask myself in triggering moments). It's second nature for me now. Now, I dont even ask myself the question, my brain automatically processes to get to the most positive outcome and I move on and it adds a healing point.
Some things even make me laugh which is tough to explain but stems from memory, for example, the last time I tried to fight for the positive, it probably was either all wrong or just a plain funny positive..
Disclaimer: I never laugh about the abuse, other than the ridiculousness of telling me I'm fat, ugly, unloved, unworthy, crazy, lazy, and all the other lies he told to me that I'M NOT. I AM so confident in myself now that telling me those things are like lying to my face, which makes me laugh. You're none of the negative things you were told, none of them. AND if you do have one of those qualities and you feel bad because it's TRUE, it's actually true and you want to fix it, FIX IT. Fix it FOR YOU and only you. Fix it because someone pointed out a characteristic you'd like to improve. There are some positives - that's one of them! Don't change for anyone else, ever. Improve for you.
[–]redbirdfliesFDS Disciple7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Woah. That hit me right in the soul.
[–]sparkles_goldentailFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Now this is the message!! And as soon as I read the second line I had an ex come to mind! Over him and never wanna hear from or see him ever again, but I will never get over the things he did to me and the way he broke my heart. That is because of that experience I now have a different way of dealing with relationships and people and you can’t get over that!
[–]DuggleeFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely this.
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[+][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]areyawellFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Itchy-TransportationFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist45 points46 points47 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]redbirdfliesFDS Disciple23 points24 points25 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist4 points5 points6 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]sparkles_goldentailFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]sparkles_goldentailFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]redbirdfliesFDS Disciple3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lu_If_Youre_AskingFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]redbirdfliesFDS Disciple7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]sparkles_goldentailFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DuggleeFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link