Hi sisters,

First of all, I want to say that I love this forum. It is refreshing compared with tired advice that romanticizes settling for someone who treats you like crap or that regards male sexual desires as magically overriding any other elements of a situation.

That said: I'm in my early 30s and am really struggling with being single right now. My family of origin hasn't always been so accepting and supportive. I have made really great friends in my 20s, but they have all scattered to different parts of the country and spend most of their time focused on boyfriends and husbands.

The advice I'm asking for is this: Many sites about being a single woman emphasize how important it is to respect yourself and to be independent, not just for yourself but for womankind as a whole. However, I feel like some of my basic attachment needs aren't being met- needs for things emotional support, physical comfort, sharing of resources, and acknowledgement.

Sometimes, I wish I had someone to lean on, not necessarily as a romantic partner but just as some form of family or friend who would be there for me more frequently. I'm sad that in this current society so much of that is supposed to be fulfilled by romantic relationships and eventually by marriage...when we all know how crappy men can be about partnering with others in a non-exploitative way.

Sometimes I feel like the "strong independent women" thing is just another myth used by men to sneak out of their responsibility for holding out their half of the social bargain wherein people in a community need to give and not just take. At the same time, I realize that staying willing to "go it alone" and not settle for crap is the best I can do for myself. But then I start to feel desperate and like my inner sense of worth can only bolster me so much.

Do any of you have advice about finding reliable social bonds even if you don't have a conventional male partner? Commiseration for how difficult this problem can be to square with advice about being independent? Are there resources and community available to single women that I may not be aware of?