I have this friend who I’ve been fwb with for a looooong time. I’ve always had feelings for this guy and he was the typical fuckboy when we were younger. Months would go by and we’d barely talk. He approached me last year because he wanted to date but I had run back to my alcoholic abusive ex at the time. Long story short, shit went down and my fwb ended up saving me from staying with my abusive ex. Me and my fwb admitted we loved each other, ended up traveling and acted like a couple (that we agreed felt so natural), and saw each other day. We still see each other super frequently and text and talk daily.

Over time, he admitted he’s “broken” and “not ready for a relationship” blah blah blah. My feelings for him were so strong and I really loved showing affection with him (holding hands, kissing, whatever). After we had gotten back from a trip, he suggested pulling back with that stuff and that we should take things slow. I have no idea what I’m doing and just knew I loved the guy, so I agreed.

Fast forward to now, I’ve bugged out a few times since we continued to hook up and I truly do not think I’m meant for casual sex. I’ve told him how I’ve felt, he’s not one to open up ever and I told him I don’t wanna hook up anymore since im only hurting my own feelings. He’s encouraged me to date other guys and it just makes me mad because I don’t want to.

We hang out regularly. We do things on our own. We don’t hook up anymore. But I still feel some type of way. He’s a good friend and he’s there, but I feel my heart and mind have been played. I’ve asked him before if this should just be done with, and his response was “i don’t know what the future holds.” I’ve been more cold and blunt lately and don’t get myself as upset, but there’s still a part of my that is hurt.

I have zero interest in talking to guys after the stuff I’ve been through this last year. I don’t go out much, because I kinda don’t want to. I’ve tried apps and I just can’t hold a conversation. I also still have strong feelings for this guy and am fine just being alone I guess.

Is there something wrong with me?