Am I doing too much by even offering an explanation? He initiated 100% from the jump.

TentacleCutie

July 8, 2020

21 upvotes

Archived from /r/FemaleDatingStrategy

r/FemaleDatingStrategy is a subreddit where the focus is on effective dating strategies for women who know what they want, and want to take control of their dating lives. The focus is also on strategies to maintain a healthy relationship that benefits women.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill subreddits and blogs. This page is our copy of the original post.

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy archive

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

PDF TXT EPUB

Support the archive

Everything here was supposed to disappear. Banned subreddits, deleted communities, cancelled blogs — much of what is archived here survives nowhere else.

It stays free — no paywall, no account — for the next man who comes looking, the way it was free for you.

I pay for the servers, the storage and the bandwidth myself. If you want this record still standing in ten years, become one of the people who keeps it online.

Support the archive

Post Information

Title	Am I doing too much by even offering an explanation? He initiated 100% from the jump.
Author	TentacleCutie
Upvotes	21
Comments	17
Date	July 8, 2020 10:58 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hnrkwg/am_i_doing_too_much_by_even_offering_an/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/am-i-doing-too-much-by-even-offering-an.713268 https://theredarchive.com/post/713268

[–]jaguppFDS Apprentice45 points46 points47 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]pocpocboomFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]TentacleCutieFDS Newbie[S] 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]jaguppFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]spikcicleFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]TentacleCutieFDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[+][deleted] 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]TentacleCutieFDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]spikcicleFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Not original commenter but.

I usually sidestep that question. It's true sleazy guys do ask that. I think it's like a weird corny trope too sometimes. Good answers are stuff like:

"I don't know... what do you offer as a man/what kind of man are you?" I especially like this one because it puts them on the spot, and you'll probably get an honest look at them if you read between the lines.

"Not sure, I'll know when I see it."

If it's more of a question that is indirectly asking what you want from the dating app (relationship, fwb, etc.)... I tend to answer very literally.

"Just here to have fun on dates and meet people."

I know that comes off like the same thing that fuckboys say but. I think it's different when you use it to your advantage. First you were very honest, that you want to go on dates. So anyone asking you to go on a walk will get the hint when you say "No thank you, I think I'll pass on the walk." Second, I mean, even if you're out here looking for your other half, that still falls under the category of meeting people. You and I both know that Joe Schmoe who you're talking to is probably not ~the one~, so no need to flatter him by sending him signals that you're looking to make him your boyfriend/husband. Because you're probably not. Because he's probably a scrub. So yeah, you're just here to date and meet people, and everything that could potentially happen after that stage is not even on the table until a few months of dating have gone well.

Edit: I know that goes against what a lot of the women on FDS feel works well for them, aka saying that they're looking for a relationship up front. I think everyone has different experiences and strategies, and that's cool. This one is mine. In my opinion, when you say you're looking for a relationship to guys on dating apps, they are so delusional that they can't understand that while you are theoretically looking for a partner, you don't mean them. Most men immediately start feeling 'suffocated' by your 'expectations for commitment' even though y'all ain't even met yet. They also immediately start to feel like the gatekeepers. They stop putting in effort or offer you a lot less because they assume that you're falling over yourself to be with them. They don't deserve that level of flattery or complacency so I refuse to give it to them. Plus, they are a lot more fun when their 'commitment' guard is down.

You can't get strung along or taken advantage of if you don't let yourself. Recognize fuckboy behavior (flakey, pushy, rude, cheap) and respond accordingly (block&delete). You don't need to let the word relationship even enter the conversation to assess him in that way and you certainly don't need to invest emotionally.

And conversely, you can very upfront about wanting a relationship, and still get played by a slimey guy who says the right things, so I don't think it really protects you from the fuckboys to be saying stuff like that.

[–]GAaliyah12FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[+][deleted] 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]softleatherFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]flimm_FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]softleatherFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]TentacleCutieFDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Comments