So, I was reading the “if he has to be dragged, leave him behind” post in the handbook.

This is my current situation (in a more advanced part of the relationship). Dragging. I’ll swear it off and then he will give a bit of love again, and I’ll be back to trying to pull everything together (with a low bar) for our child, honestly. But truthfully, it’s also because I still see glimpses of his old, caring self. Then he pumps the breaks and lets me know he is not interested in anything with me.

The confusing thing is that he was not like this at all before. For the first whole ass year and a half, he was by all accounts a HVM. We had been friends for a long time, and he knew I was the one since we were kids. When we started dating, I would tell all my friends how great he was. He loved me so much, and cared about me more than anyone I’d ever been with. He was extremely respectful. He would show vast interest in every little detail of my life, and go above and beyond for me. Then I became pregnant, and in the stress of becoming a provider, he slowly started changing, but it was very very slow. Then he left me a year ago, and had the majority of his changes in the span of the first week he was gone.

Now, he’s absolutely nothing like what he used to be. He’s got no interest in me, repeatedly tells me he’s got no desire to be with me, and even told me the other day that he tells everyone to run away from relationships. How fucking embarrassing.

I’m ready to be done. I know that I have to be done, and that nothing I do will change anything with him. I’m really done and it feels so good to say that! I’m giving him until the 23rd of this month (our anniversary) to make some kind of 180 if he wants to not ruin his child’s family unit and, and then I’m done, but I really can’t be bothered to care if he doesn’t.

But I know I’ll have a harder time moving on unless I can begin to understand, what the fuck happened? Like how do you go from genuinely loving someone to the point that it’s obvious to all of my family and his, to then not seeing a single lovable thing in them? Why am I worth nothing to him now? How does this happen? He has no answers, and I’m just so indescribably confused. It bugs me a lot to not be able to understand.

I’m not trying to whine about this at all, in fact I feel better about it than ever before. I’m just wondering if you guys have any insight into why this happens, what is the mechanism behind this sort of change? I’ve already mourned the loss, but it’s the not understanding WHY it happened that keeps me up at night sometimes.