Did I take it too far?

sweatydeath · 2020-02-07T20:28:46+00:00

Hey OP, my BF is also a mechanic. He pushed back our date by 60 min one time. As soon as he walked in I made it clear that if he is more than a half hour late next time, I will make other plans with a friend. I told this to him calmly and in a matter-of-fact way. He hasn't done it since.

I think you shouldn't have shown that you were upset, BUT you did well in telling him that your time is valuable. Next time I would let him know as soon as he walks in that your dates with him can't be pushed back more than 30 min or else you would prefer to reschedule. It's normal for their jobs to be delayed but he still has to keep his commitments to you.

EDIT: I just read that his delay occurred at home and not at work. OK wtf was he doing that made him late??

aclumsygirl · 2020-02-07T21:06:28+00:00

This is different from having to work late, which is presumably something he can't control. In this case he was home on time, but just delayed getting ready. That was his fault.

If this is an otherwise good, established relationship and it's the first time he did it, I might let it slide. But the better way to handle it when it happens is to not get angry and just say "ok, well let's just take a rain check then. I have something else I can go to. Have a great night." And then end contact for the evening.

This communicates the message firmly without anger or drama, which I've found works so much better. He can't turn it around and make it about your reaction (which men love to do) because you weren't reactive. You just calmly held a boundary and went about your business.

extraacct1234 · 2020-02-07T20:40:28+00:00

I would dump him for that shit. It's not like there is no way that he could follow through, and if he wasn't going to follow through he could have easily told you. It's not like he has to send over a telegram or messenger pigeon. He can just send a text.

And the fact that he waited until 10 minutes before he was supposed to meet you is just a disrespectful dick move.

This is just so rude. If he is actually hurt then he's just selfish and doesn't think you're as important as he is. And if he's faking being hurt to control you, well that's just abusive and he's trying to get the upper hand.

Title	Did I take it too far?
Author	Moonies9
Upvotes	19
Comments	10
Date	February 7, 2020 7:16 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f0fahn/did_i_take_it_too_far/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/did-i-take-it-too-far.694013 https://theredarchive.com/post/694013

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