Discussing feminism/women's issues with men

Fun_Sherbet · 2021-02-21T20:54:52+00:00

I haven't experienced it IRL, but I would expect an HVM to be able to listen with compassion and empathy - HV traits. When men get defensive about feminism it's because they think it's an attack on them personally - that reaction in and of itself reveals that they are guilty.

shockingupdate · 2021-02-21T21:43:50+00:00

I’ve never dated one, but I have several HVM friends who can talk about feminism and women’s issues with me even when there’s no pussy at stake. I consider these men among my closest friends. They’re either intentionally single or in seemingly healthy relationships, have many platonic female friends, and I’ve called on one a couple of times to walk with me at night when I felt uncomfortable in our rough city, expecting nothing in return. I feel like men should probably be required to understand and support the issues affecting literally half of humanity without getting triggered or needing a cookie for demonstrating empathy.

jasmine-blossom · 2021-02-21T23:45:35+00:00

I have conversations about feminism with my bf relatively frequently. He always listens and responds thoughtfully, and even enjoys it sometimes when I’m being particularly passionate. I can tell he’s genuine bc of the way he responds; he’s not rehearsed, he’s not regurgitating well worn “woke” shit, he’s changed his mind and behavior in certain ways as he learned more and grew as a person. He’s also honest about the ways he still is working on himself, and the things he struggles with. There are men like this out there, but of course they are somewhat rare, bc genuinely self aware people are rare enough as is, and a man who is self aware AND educated on women’s rights and patriarchy just isn’t super common.

I personally would never date a man who is not already supportive of most feminist activism. There would simply be too much educating I would have to do to even be compatible with him and I ain’t got the time nor energy for that. In my humble opinion, a man who is not feminist minded simply does not see women as human beings in the same way he sees men as human beings. Being supportive of women’s rights and against patriarchal rule is kind of the baseline for me. Of course, not all feminist minded men are good, but it’s the lowest bar that a man needs to already have reached in order to even register as a potential partner for me.

NetflixBingeQueen · 2021-02-21T23:09:57+00:00

I find telling men you’re a feminist is a bad idea. Best to just bring out conversations relating to feminism and observe their reactions and opinions. That will tell you whether to carry on or move on to the next.

2021-02-22T02:50:18+00:00

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2021-02-22T02:31:43+00:00

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QueensJuju · 2021-02-22T04:12:07+00:00

Men like this are rare, but I am lucky to be close with two.

I cannot be with someone who cannot discuss feminism and participate in tearing down misogyny, it's essential to their self awareness. If they roll their eyes at feminism, they are not aware of their own privilege and role in oppression - and thus cannot be good partners or even friends to me - end of story.

I don't advertise that I'm a feminist to new partners, it's not something that I feel I need to spell out, it's in my behavior. If they are not comfortable with feminism, they won't be comfortable with me. Telling randos will just promote worthless timesuck conversations with scrotes. At some time or another, even the best men are going to do something that has roots in misogyny. Being able to discuss that respectfully is essential, and I have had one partner who was capable of it.

In general, he was someone who was quick and comfortable giving genuine apologies and had a curious personality that loved learning. He did things like bring up something I said days later because he "had been thinking about it". He said things like, "I thought about what you said, and wanted to make it clear I think you're right". He was giving me INDEPENDENT VALIDATION without any benefit to him.

If I said he did something that hurt me, he would apologize without me needing to explain WHY it hurt, but we would still discuss the why. He COMPLIMENTED my high standards and emotional intelligence, and would actually interact with men and women in his personal life in new ways based off our shared discussions and experiences.

These are the ways I knew he was listening! That level of awareness and commitment and ease is very hard to fake, especially long term. It is possible!

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Title	Discussing feminism/women's issues with men
Author	Radleaning97
Upvotes	95
Comments	23
Date	February 21, 2021 8:41 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/losuz2/discussing_feminismwomens_issues_with_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/discussing-feminismwomens-issues-with-men.743546 https://theredarchive.com/post/743546

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