Imagine you’re a Queen living in a beautiful castle. You have servants that clean and cook for you, fortified castle walls to keep invaders out and trusted advisors who help you make good decisions. One day a strange man appears at your drawbridge. He seems friendly and he’s pretty handsome to boot. You order the drawbridge to open and allow him inside. He’s charming, funny and is a great kisser. You spend the next weeks with him: riding your horses, eating at your banquets, drinking your wine. You think, “this is the missing piece of my life, true love!” However, your advisors warn you: he’s not a prince. You cleverly think, but my love can transform him into a prince. I can make him worthy of a Queen. What could go wrong?

This man isolates you from your advisors-they can’t be trusted. What monsters could stand in the way of true love?? You banish them without a second thought. The newly elevated prince quickly becomes jealous of your wealth and splendor: you’re so selfish for keeping it for yourself. He orders some of your walls to be torn down in order to build a new palace; one with his name on the title. Suddenly your castle has no walls and there are no more boundaries in your kingdom. Next, he asks if your servants can fill his castle. It’s not fair that you have all this energy directed towards yourself, it’s selfish, really…what about him and his needs??

You realize you lost your strength. He has iced you out now, not allowing you into his castle, but he doesn’t mind continuing to take your resources. You keep sending food, servants and love and get nothing in return. He won’t let you inside. This continues for years. Your advisors send letters begging you to leave, but you sunk so much of your kingdom into building his, you can’t just leave! Your walls are his walls. He is living off the labor of your servants. If you could just give more, he will let you back inside!

This is what the FDS community is about. Building and fortifying our walls so no strangers can come inside. Keeping that drawbridge closed for months to see this strangers’ intentions. To teach and reprogram us to have thick walls (boundaries), maintain and trust our advisors (friends and family) and not give up our servants (our labor) for nothing. To stop giving kingdoms away for a fantasy. We must cut through the manipulation and be okay Queening by ourselves first. We must always fill our own glass and not a strange man who is a bottomless pit of taking without remorse.