FDS in established relationship?

teak_and_lemons · 2019-11-17T14:29:11+00:00

Not losing yourself while in a long term relationship is key. I've been married over 20 years, I didn't let him walk all over me when we dated and I damn sure won't let him now. I still have my own career, friends, hobbies and interests. If you continue to make yourself a priority he should also. And if not drop his ass.

themewsingone · 2019-11-17T13:47:18+00:00

I think FDS definitely should apply in committed relationship. Honestly to me, a committed relationship happens when the man puts a ring on it. But that’s just me.

If not engaged, then I think during this time it’s still important to be somewhat emotionally unavailable, but show him love. Don’t give him validation all the time. Don’t love him more than he loves you.

I’m not sure if we should put down our foot down and talk to them about our timelines (marriage, etc), so hopefully someone or you can chime in on this one.

PUTINS_LIL_MONSTER · 2019-11-17T13:50:10+00:00

I think this is a good question and I'd like to see other women's advice too. I think you need to show that you are willing to walk at any moment if the behaviour/treatment is bad. You want your boyfriend to always know you're there because that's where you chose to be, not because you need to be. Once they think you need them, they get cocky. The power shifts. You never want that. Edited: spelling correction

circescircus · 2019-11-17T14:34:54+00:00

I think the dating (screening) stage is the most important. It doesn't matter if you've been with someone for 2, 5 or 20 years-- if the guy is a piece of crap, you can't apply FDS to the relationship, because your partner would have been screened out in FDS dating.

But yeah, I use FDS advice to make sure that I don't forget myself in a relationship.

FuturePigeon · 2019-11-17T16:09:09+00:00

I'm 21 years in with the same man and regularly read this sub to make sure I'm checking in with my needs.

It's helped quite a bit. Recently he bailed on a planned date to a day spa. I was annoyed because I was looking forward to spending time together in a relaxing setting, but I told him that he was missing out and went by myself. Had a wonderful experience and when I came home, he had dinner ready and a plan to take me out the next day. I'm not going to beg him to spend time with me or rearrange my own plans, nor am I going to massage his feelings so that he feels okay about bailing. In the past few months, he's stepped up his game when I stopped reacting to minor temper tantrums and cold shoulders.

Last night he asked to take the next couple's counseling session solo so that he could talk to our therapist about his work/extended family issues. Totally fine by me, I love that he's recognizing times that he needs to talk with a trusted person.

It's important throughout our lives at any stage of our relationships to commit to ourselves, then to our loved ones, then to people outside that circle.

ponchoacademy · 2019-11-17T20:35:42+00:00

It's actually no different. At every stage of dating, relationship, marriage you should know your worth, be treated with respect, and be prepared to walk if he doesn't appreciate and treat you well.

When you barely know a guy and things are new, it's far easier to let him go because there's no emotional attachment. The longer you're with someone, the more prone one is to rationalize how much has been invested in the relationship, and esp with marriage, the hassle of leaving. But that's when it's even more important. Guys who think you feel like you have no option but to stay can and will use that to their advantage.

Whether it's the first date or 15 years of marriage, the same concepts apply.

rad_daphne · 2019-11-17T15:55:59+00:00

I agree with the other women here, keep up with your life and interests and don't let him walk all over you.

Beyond that I don't know. 9 months is still pretty early in the relationship and I think that you should still be able to follow a lot of fds advice. Keep him on his toes and striving.

Title	FDS in established relationship?
Author	MbwaMvua
Upvotes	37
Comments	12
Date	November 17, 2019 12:48 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dxm5nf/fds_in_established_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-in-established-relationship.688307 https://theredarchive.com/post/688307

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