How can you have confidence in yourself when there’s nothing to be confident about?

madeofsweetpotatoes · 2019-11-02T00:28:34+00:00

[deleted]

throwaway7655679 · 2019-11-02T00:24:10+00:00

Know that your worth doesn’t depend on academic achievements, how much money you have, how pretty or skinny you are. You are a human being with high value. Think about how much a baby is loved and cared for. That baby doesn’t do shit. But we know that it deserves all the care and love. As little kids we were all confident but teachers or relatives started telling us that it’s wrong to be different, that we should be quiet and conform/be submissive and silent. Rediscover yourself.

CoolMelonade · 2019-11-02T00:13:33+00:00

Sis - wherever you’re at in life, I will bet you cash money there’s a plethora of men in a worse position. That’s the lucky thing about being a woman - you have inherent value. If you’re a solid 5, then treat these 1 through 6 men like they owe you something.

It’s not about being the best most interesting beautiful woman that ever lived, it’s about being happy with yourself and your life.

letsberealforamoment · 2019-11-02T00:30:10+00:00

There is nothing amazing about most people, myself included. We are mostly average.

Being "amazing" is not required though, to be free of abusive dating practices, to stand up for yourself and promote and safeguard your interests in dating and relationships, and to discard shotty, low effort low value men.

copingwithshit · 2019-11-02T01:14:50+00:00

Go check out the xxfitness sub. Read about some of the active hobbies that these awesome women are passionate about. Try yoga, or signup for an intro dance class. Try something new and keep at it. Your perception of yourself will begin to change. You’re not going to believe anyone until you get your head right. Once you feel proud of yourself, you will not let a man treat you like you’re not good enough. Good luck, you can do it!

OmnibusToken · 2019-11-02T00:32:09+00:00

One of the best ways to get out of your own head is to volunteer a bit of your time to something that you believe in, that helps other people (or beings/causes).

greensciencegeek · 2019-11-02T02:39:33+00:00

There is always something.

You are good at something.

Work on it.

And your short comings.

You are not born a "queen" you become one.

-from a formally obese awkward woman.

pineberriesarecool · 2019-11-02T00:27:33+00:00

It’s unfortunately quite common for women to undermine themselves and their achievements, what you view as average about yourself is most likely A LOT more impressive from an observer’s perspective.

Simply acting confident will make you radiate a very appealing and attractive energy to those around you so please don’t doubt yourself, know your worth!

I would also suggest finding (or further developing) a passion/hobby of yours as it will make you a lot more interesting but also give you something to productively invest your time into! Passionate people attract passionate people 💛

I hope that makes sense!

Dont forget to love yourself!!

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2019-11-02T19:04:53+00:00

However, there’s one problem... I don’t know the first thing about how. There is nothing amazing about me. Average looks, average intelligence (below average social intelligence), no real skills, no natural ambition to GET real skills, family nothing super special, no achievements beyond the 6th grade... it’s hard to call myself a queen without looking hella delusional. I can’t even tell myself I deserve the best without feeling narcissistic. “How can I deserve the best when I’m not the best?”

You work on your mental health and go to therapy. Seriously. There are 2 wonderful books by Dr. David Burns called "Feeling Good: The new Mood therapy" and "When panic attacks". There's also a third book called "Feeling Good together" that discusses relationships. It's pretty good so far. These books all cover Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which discusses the importance of thoughts. The essence of it is that you FEEL the way you THINK. Changing your thoughts will lead to changes in how you feel. It also outlines the most common cognitive distortions (lies present in your thinking/AKA distorted or "twisted" thinking), and teaches you to identify them in your thoughts, and then fight back at them. Identifying cognitive distortions will help you learn to think more objectively, more clearly about yourself. CBT also teaches you to fight back against your negative thoughts. Below's a quick list of the cognitive distortions:

All-or-Nothing Thinking / Polarized Thinking. ...
Overgeneralization. ...
Mental Filter. ...
Disqualifying the Positive. ...
Jumping to Conclusions – Mind Reading. ...
Jumping to Conclusions – Fortune Telling. ...
Magnification (Catastrophizing) or Minimization. ...
Emotional Reasoning.
"should" statements
Labeling and Mislabeling
Personalization
Control Fallacies.

Source: https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions//

Source: https://feelinggood.com/

First and foremost. I see evidence of ALL 12 cognitive distortions present in your post. I'm going to cite them using the numbers mentioned above just to show you. When you say "There is nothing amazing about me.", I see 1, 3, 4, 7, immediately. When you say "no real skills, no natural ambition to GET real skills", I see 1, 3, 4, 6. When you say "it’s hard to call myself a queen without looking hella delusional.", I see 10, 8, 4, 3, 2.

You have GOT to stop falling for your cognitive distortions or "twisted thinking/deceitful thoughts" and learn to fight back against them. Dr. Burns' books teach you that self-esteem and "confidence" is literally the absence of negative self-criticism. It's the state where instead of bombarding yourself with insulting, negative, criticisms and vitriol, or nitpicking or "magnifying" your flaws.... you do the opposite. You look for positives and focus on those. You simply need to stop criticizing yourself and nitpicking at your shortcomings to be confident.

Title	How can you have confidence in yourself when there’s nothing to be confident about?
Author	madeofsweetpotatoes
Upvotes	28
Comments	16
Date	November 1, 2019 11:33 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dqcbz0/how_can_you_have_confidence_in_yourself_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-can-you-have-confidence-in-yourself-when.689033 https://theredarchive.com/post/689033

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