How do you achieve the right balance between being perceived as strong vs weak? Or is this a non-issue?

chklcfybmoib · 2020-01-08T15:14:55+00:00

I think you have to just learn that when a man offers to help you, say yes.

It can be really hard for some women to accept help, especially if you grew up with a single mother. You were raised to do everything for yourself because you saw your mother do it. It can feel weird to allow a man to pay for you. Or to ask them for things.

You should never let a man know your trauma or triggers. But hey. Let him think you can’t open a jar. Let him think you need help building a desk. Let him kill a bug. Ask him for his advice on stupid shit. Humor him.

Most of all. Be willing to walk away at the first sign of disrespect and disinterest. True strength is always being willing and unafraid to walk away.

MagpieMelon · 2020-01-08T18:51:54+00:00

I have some recent experience with this. Over the last few months I’ve been feeling extremely vulnerable and have been outwardly showing it (for the first time in my life). I’ve realised that my family have abused me my whole life, and that realisation and ultimate acceptance has really shook me. I haven’t been acting or feeling like myself at all and have ended up opening up and sharing too much with people. I’ve had no trouble finding men who want to listen to my problems, mainly because they see it as a way in. But even though I’ve messed up by being too vulnerable, I haven’t slept with any of them and have instead just upset them because I refuse to. I’ve been intimate with them, and have done things, just not sex.

I now feel a lot better and have gone back to how I used to be, and these people have disappeared. They struggle to talk to me now whereas before they were all over me because I was vulnerable. I get to see that they won’t approach me even though they want me, because I’m too high value for them to ever approach me when I’m at my strongest. Honestly I don’t see it as a bad thing because unless they can approach me and be confident around me when I’m at my best, then why would I ever want to be with them?

It might take me a longer time to find someone, but when someone does approach me when I’m at my best and when I’m not vulnerable, then I know that they’re not threatened by me. That they don’t have to wait until I’m weak before trying to ask me out.

popfriday · 2020-01-08T17:16:24+00:00

They feel needed when you let them lavish and spoil you. My boyfriend saw my life was full of friends and accomplishments when we met. So he planned excursions and super fun and creative dates for us to go on.

Find a guy who wants to take you to the next level. You don’t dim your shine so his bare minimum looks good. Find a guy at your level who can genuinely pull you up. Otherwise you’re wasting your time. 3 years later my bf still seeks to impress me and prove that being with him is better than me being single. That’s how it should be imo.

Title	How do you achieve the right balance between being perceived as strong vs weak? Or is this a non-issue?
Author	Throwaway0220170
Upvotes	6
Comments	13
Date	January 8, 2020 10:19 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/elqxtk/how_do_you_achieve_the_right_balance_between/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-achieve-the-right-balance-between-being.685286 https://theredarchive.com/post/685286

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