~ archived since 2018 ~

HV relationships (work, personal) NEVER argue on the lowest 2 levels. Ever.

anywaysheresrational

April 16, 2021

27 upvotes

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Post Information

Title	HV relationships (work, personal) NEVER argue on the lowest 2 levels. Ever.
Author	anywaysheresrational
Upvotes	27
Comments	13
Date	April 16, 2021 6:55 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mrxquo/hv_relationships_work_personal_never_argue_on_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/hv-relationships-work-personal-never-argue-on-the.777949 https://theredarchive.com/post/777949

Comments

[–]NerfboardFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]anywaysheresrationalFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect-Ad-9361FDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect-Ad-9361FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]anywaysheresrationalFDS Newbie -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect-Ad-9361FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

My point is that women name-calling other women is remarkably unproductive for a community that's supposed to be about "empowerment". I've said this before, I get it for the more vitriolic "I have a man and you don't screeeee" types, but I've seen some examples ranging from mildly petty shitting on women who just kind of find themselves in shitty relationships to horrendously tonedeaf as calling a woman from a culture where polygamy was widely accepted a "pick me" for going with what her culture taught her, as if it was her fault or something.

Editing because I'm kind of on a roll right now. Furthermore I think in FDS specifically there's a weird undertone of women that have been abused by men constantly berating themselves and calling themselves "former pick mes, recovering pick mes, pick mes in training" ect and this weird "reformed criminal" shtick strikes me as incredibly unhealthy. Yeah of course you should acknowledge your past and learn from it but it shouldn't be a permanent label you have to stick on to yourself especially with the connotations it carries in this sub in particular (getting stuck with pick me flair as a punishment for saying something a mod doesn't like)

It feels like there's a weird doublespeak going on where we all simultaneously acknowledge that there's a grand scale brainwashing of women that's been going on for god knows how long in cultures across the globe but also undercutting women who commit the crime of falling for it.

[–]hausfrauFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Connect-Ad-9361FDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]anywaysheresrationalFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

First of all:

This sub is against polygamy. Period.

If your personal views are different on this that's cool for you but we won't change our opinions here on this no matter what you say. And no, we don't want to discuss it. We simply don't want to. WHY we are against it IS, in fact, being discussed in the handbook.

Feel free to rip it apart in any other sub or post, ban us all from participating there if you like. All within your individual rights to freely express your opinion.

There's a place and time for everything, and pro-ing polygamy does not happen here, along with a couple of other things. Simple as that.

Now the matter itself.

People like that woman on Tik Tok "Can you please be polite to men who hit on you" are DANGEROUS AS HELL.

Exactly as the countervid of a minor who got harassed and threatened by a man of what ? 25 years, 35 years ? proved.

No need to see whether he grabbed and dragged her towards his truck; him cussing her out then pulling up in his truck behind her, closing in, IS THREATENING AS HELL AND MORE THAN ENOUGH.

He was deliberately trying to intimidate her, from the beginning.

She kept her cool but I saw the panic in her eyes (and so many of us have been there so many times). I don't know how she stayed so calm being slapped with such clear sexual and social aggression/attempts of dominance and intimidation.

I agree with you that in some comments things have been taken too far. Overall, though, tough love is still love. We are holding each other accountable, the absolute best sign of a strong relationship (friends or romantic) there is.

They tell you: "No mate, you behaved fucking wrong here. Sorry not sorry."

Yaysaying friends and partners are no friends and partners at all.

What that woman on Tik Tok, and so many others who cater to male bullshit, do is exactly this:

The "pick me dance". Yaysaying. Through and through.

This sub calls this behavior out, consistently, to avoid temptations of slipping back into old, poor habits.

[–]Connect-Ad-9361FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Sloppy formatting warning. Phonepost and I've never really been a "reddit person" so I don't know how.

"If your personal views are different on this that's cool for you but we won't change our opinions here on this no matter what you say. And no, we don't want to discuss it. We simply don't want to. WHY we are against it IS, in fact, being discussed in the handbook"

You missed the point entirely and seem to think that I'm advocating for polygamy when I have never and will never do so. The point of that example was laying one level or another of blame on a woman where it didn't belong. We're off to a great start. ETA: to clarify the post in question was a Twitter screenshot of a woman saying something about how she was happy to have a new sister wife. There wasn't someone bringing pro-polygamy beliefs here and trying to argue for them. Someone took this woman's post who was very obviously from a culture where that flies and thought it was appropriate to insult her here.

"People like that woman on Tik Tok "Can you please be polite to men who hit on you" are DANGEROUS AS HELL.

Exactly as the countervid of a minor who got harassed and threatened by a man of what ? 25 years, 35 years ? proved.

No need to see whether he grabbed and dragged her towards his truck; him cussing her out then pulling up in his truck behind her, closing in, IS THREATENING AS HELL AND MORE THAN ENOUGH.

He was deliberately trying to intimidate her, from the beginning."

Don't know what this has to do with anything. I never mentioned women that actively give other women bad advice and I don't advocate for that. While I wouldn't necessarily call them "pickmes" (mostly on principle of "that term is dumb and I don't like it") they're definitely harmful and I'm sure there's another term that more appropriately describes them without sounding like the vomit of gen z Twitter culture lingo.

"I agree with you that in some comments things have been taken too far. Overall, though, tough love is still love. We are holding each other accountable, the absolute best sign of a strong relationship (friends or romantic) there is"

Probably the closest we'll come to an agreement. You can give someone tough love without being incredibly condescending in the process, though (and be less likely to turn them off to FDS principles in general. I wouldn't want to join a group of people that are constantly trying to slap a negative label on me)

"What that woman on Tik Tok, and so many others who cater to male bullshit, do is exactly this:

The "pick me dance". Yaysaying. Through and through"

The terminology tastes like vinegar to me but I see where you're coming from.

"This sub calls this behavior out, consistently, to avoid temptations of slipping back into old, poor habits."

This is misplaced FAR too often though. There was this one woman who made a somewhat comedic tiktok venting about how absolutely horrible and ridiculous some men could be in bed and how terrible they are and she was getting called a pick me in the comments here. Like talking about your experiences makes you a pick me now? Ok. Jesus. Remind me to preface every "shitty ex story " with "I am a reformed pickmeisha kween I now drive a Mercedes and haven't spoken to a man in 6 years". Let people be imperfect. They are human, after all.

[–]Connect-Ad-9361FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Connect-Ad-9361FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

And to add, im not here to try and say that you're responsible for the way other people feel about your words, someone out there is always going to take something the wrong way. But I also can't deny the fact that some people here really seem to get off on dishing out the "tough love"

Edit: to anyone who got this deep into my 5am incoherent ramble god bless you, you're a trooper.

Another thing is (especially here) getting called a pick me is one of those things you can't really defend yourself from. Because dissent is such a no-no here if someone decides to jump on you, you basically kind of have to just take it or you'll just get dogpiled on harder. People who have been here a while generally know what tripwires to avoid setting off this reaction, but newer more naive members may not.

Ftr. I do generally get why dissent is more or less a no-no here. Because FDS is so unique you almost have to go overboard to keep it this way and keep the scrotes out. I've said before that this sub actually does allowed differing opinions from women who actually have something to say and a point to make. Hell, I'm living proof. But it does have its share of not so great side effects.