Hi my lovely ladies!

I know that there is a lot of talk/examples provided on this sub about LVM, so I wanted to share some of the things that my HVM partner does that are green flags.

DISCLAIMER: I've been with my HVM partner since before I found FDS, so there are some aspects of our relationship that are not FDS approved (eg, moved in before married). I was friends with my HVM partner for 4 years prior to dating him, and we have exclusive for 2 years now, so I am confident in classing him as HVM, but I am still vetting and am willing to leave if things change.

Green Flags/Actions of a HVM.

  • When we were friends, he never once referenced my physical appearence, and always complimented my skills, intellect and acheivements. This shows that he respects me as a person.
  • Before we moved in, he would travel 1.5h out of his way on a work night, to see me for 20 minutes if I had a rough day. The 20 minutes he would spend with me were spent doing emotional labour with me, lifting me up, and helping me forget my day. They were not spent on any of his needs. This is only on example of how he respects and supports my emotional needs.
  • I have never ONCE seen him participate in 'bro-culture' that was denigrating to women, and he has never said anything that I would consider to be anti-feminist. Neither have I seen his friends act in a 'bro-culture' manner.
  • I am a strong radical feminist, and will often speak out about the patriarchy. He supports this and has never once made me feel like I was being 'extreme', 'crazy', or 'out of touch'. He respects my lived experiences, and actively listens to me.
  • He has never gaslighted me. Not once.
  • He would speak highly of me to his friends/colleagues before he started dating.
  • He speaks highly of me to his friends/colleagues/family know that we are together.
  • He has been seeing a therapist to help him level-up on some behaviours that hold him back. He started doing this of his own accord around the time we were friends, and not at a suggestion/request I made.
  • He does an equal division of chores in our home, without being asked, and will even do extra if I am working more hours that week.
  • He specifically does the chores that I do not like to do, and has never complained about it, or used it as leverage in an arguement.
  • When we have a disagreement on a topic, and one of us is becoming emotional (only happened twice), we acknowledge that this is obviously a touchy subject for the person becoming emotional, and respect that there are lived experiences here that impact their ability to emotionally step away from this. This has not been used as a way to discredit the others opinion/view, and instead we have respected each others opinions here, and if we talk about these topics, always stop when the other person is being negatively affected by the topic.
  • We have discussed and agreed on major life and lifestyle decisions (marriage and timelines, children and timelines, religion, short term and long term finances, etc)
  • He doesn't care about mistakes I've made in my past, is not interested in my 'n' count, and never holds things from my past that he knows about against me.
  • Greets me enthusiastically and warmly every morning, every time he returns from work.
  • Sets himself goals, and works on personal improvement everyday.

I'm sure I could come up with many other things that he does that are so nice, and so wonderful to have in a partner. Most of the points above boil down to respect, trust, and aligned values, but I hope these specific examples of green flag behaviours help you on your own vetting journey. I promise that there are HVM out there, and I wish you ladies all the best luck on finding yours!