TL:DR I SLEPT WITH A GUY TOO SOON AND I LOST THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I HAD EVER FOUND.

So I found this club of people where I work to do a certain thing which was something I had been searching for in my city for a long time. It was really important to me, and it made me really happy to be a part of a team working together. The others liked me and we were working hard to go to competitions.

One day, the person who headed that club asked me out and I accepted, even though he was a bit younger than me. The first day I ever went to go see about the club(before I was ever even in it) I had seen him and thought I wanted someone like him in my life, but just figured he was a bit young for me.

I was hesitant at first because I didn’t want to ruin being in this club. He assured me though that everything was going to be ok. THAT NO MATTER WHAT WE WERE GOING TO STAY FRIENDS, and sadly, I believed him.

I allowed my guard down because I trusted he wasn’t a complete idiot and I let him in way too soon. Just understand though, I thought I had found the one. We liked all the same things, we both thought the same way, we had the same ideals, he made way more money than me, was in the same position as me and could help me get into his department which I wanted to be in....I thought wow, this guy is a dream come true! Sure he was a bit nerdy and too skinny for my taste, but that was never a deciding factor.

So on our second date, we had sex. I hadn’t been with anyone since my ex six months before and I guess I was vulnerable. After that, I thought he wasn’t going to call but he did. Everything was great those first two weeks. He met my kid, which adored him and it seemed like it was really going to work out. Little by little though I could see the way he talked to me changed but I changed also.

He went from “I want to find someone I can have a serious relationship with” and “let’s go on vacations together” to WE ARE NOT IN ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP and we are just fucking. It’s at that point where I started being REALLY unsure about us. His roommate was his ex and he had explained this the first day we started talking. I told him as long as he was always honest, I didn’t have a problem(because I didn’t). Honesty is extremely important to me and I felt if the communication was excellent why even worry, you know? After the second week of dating, red sirens were going off but I had already slept with him so I stuck it out. Something just felt wrong all of a sudden. For example, he didn’t talk after she got home and he would disappear late at night. He said he had just fallen asleep but there are times that he would be awake after. Also he woke up way too late every day. Supposedly they had broken up in November and were both dating other people, but he said she was “suicidal” and he didn’t want to upset her. Like ok....

After about the 3rd week I had kind of just had it and called it off. I didn’t want to be involved in any bizarre love triangle so I said I would rather be with a man that treats me better and I left. Suddenly whatever we had as friendship went to shit. He wouldn’t text me, wouldn’t call anymore, would ignore me in the team’s Discord. Things like that. I tried several times to fix it between us so at least we could be friends but NOTHING. Finally one day I had enough and I left his server and gave my mod duties to someone else and told him to fuck off. I also told him he sucked in bed which he did. He wasn’t as good as my ex but he had potential when I guided him and he was guidable but I was so pissed I didn’t want him thinking he had me hanging on his dick so I used that.

So well now I lost the club and I lost him and now I cannot even see him face to face because all this happened the week of the shut down. I’m so pissed I let him in. I should have just left him as a friend. I should have never trusted him. Now the competitions are being held online and I gave up my seat because I wanted nothing to do with him. For what? To have his shitty attitude ruining my day all the time? No. But now I’m screwed. I’ve lost the most important thing, my position in this club. I’m so pissed I could cry but I can’t. I can’t even freaking masturbate to his damn memory it’s such a turn off. Ahhhhh! Fuck! I never should have believed him when he said we would stay friends but he seemed so intelligent! I know everything would have been amazing if I had just followed the advice to wait to sleep with him because it worked with my ex like a charm. I swear, the next one is going to have to wait a fucking year.