Some people (myself included) have questioned whether their gut is reacting to “legitimate” red flags or if it’s their trauma from the past being re-triggered.

What it comes down to in their heads - is it THEM or is it ME?

Do I need to run away from this guy or do I need to heal my trauma?

Here’s my answer:

ALWAYS. CHOOSE. YOURSELF.

What this means is that if you are feeling OFF in any way, some anxiety, some discomfort, some shame, some anger, etc.

And then it repeats AGAIN with the same guy.

Then this man is not making you feel safe, supported, and loved in order for you to grow.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a you thing.

The one thing that won’t help you is to keep putting yourself in a situation where you’re triggered.

You need to get to a place where YOU TRUST YOURSELF.

You trust yourself that you are making the right distinction and taking the right action for YOURSELF.

And if you want to date while you are working on this, then you find a man that is easy to trust/feel safe/supported with. That DOESN’T keep re-triggering your SELF-DOUBT.

There is no one-size-fits-all man. He has to meet you where you are in life.

I’m going to repeat this because it bears repeating:

It does not do you any benefit to keep putting yourself in a situation where you are questioning yourself.